Archives For Opinion

Off-Season Decisions for the Utah Jazz – Part 2 of 4

Jeff Lind —  May 12, 2011 — 5 Comments

[Editor's Note: As the playoffs move forward, we continue to discuss the future of the Utah Jazz. Nick Smith joins Salt City Hoops to chat current players. Who stays, who goes, and how bright are their respective futures? Join us for part 2 of this 4 part series. - JL]

Devin Harris – 6’3 PG

Ksl.com

Current Contract Situation. Harris is under contract next season with the Jazz for $9,319,000. His contract will then expire after the 2012/2013 season where he will collect $8.5 million.

Future with the Jazz. Devin Harris has been a player the Jazz have hoped to land since his days in Dallas. They like his quickness, good attitude, and pesky defense. Harris was an all-star in 2009, but since that time, the injury prone point guard’s game has regressed. It’ll be interesting to see if being back in a winning atmosphere can return Harris’ game to a high level. The Jazz were 7-10 with Harris in their lineup, which doesn’t sound like much, but overall it is much better than where they were without him. He also deserves credit for doing a good job of coming in and playing his game and not trying to do the impossible in replacing Deron Williams. Watch for an improved defensive game and a nice increase to his 5 APG career average. Although I see this Ludacris look-alike returning to the lineup next year (his contract is too affordable), he could potentially be a player the Jazz end up packaging alongside a draft pick to either move up in the draft or to acquire other assets.

Fransisco Elson – 7-0 C

AP Associated Press

Current Contract Situation. Fransisco Elson signed a one-year deal with the Jazz last off-season for the veteran’s minimum $1,146,337. He is now a free agent.

Future with the Jazz. This was likely the one and only season Elson will play for the Jazz. When healthy, Elson is a big man who runs the floor very well, brings toughness to the court, and can occasionally hit the outside jumper. If the Jazz enter next season needing to add another big man, fans shouldn’t be totally opposed to Elson grabbing that 12th roster spot. Elson has championship experience, and his good attitude and veteran leadership make him an affordable mentor for some of the Jazz’ younger players. Saying that, father time has taken his toll on Elson, and the 35 year-old has struggled to stay healthy. With the addition of Derrick Favors, and the possibility of one of the Jazz’ two draft picks being a big man, I see Elson as the odd man out for next year’s roster. It may just come down to Fesenko or Elson, and with the Sisco Kid’s age, I imagine the Jazz decide in favor of the Ukrainian.

Al Jefferson – 6’10 PF/C

Courtside

Current Contract Situation. Al Jefferson has two more years left on his current deal. He will make $14,000,000 next year and $15,000,000 during the 2012/2013 season.

Future with the Jazz. Big Al’s first year with the Jazz was a tale of two halves. The first half of the season Jefferson struggled to be consistent and figure out the flex offense, while the second half of the season he was the 20 and 10 type player Jazz fans had hoped for. While the increase in productivity was great to see, there was a disconnect between the Jazz’ success and Big Al’s. At age 26, it’s fair to say that Jefferson’s best years are still ahead of him, but a major concern still exists, namely: can he be a star on a winning team? With a sample size of 7 seasons, Jefferson hasn’t been on a team with a winning record once. In fact, the only three month period in which he was on a winning team he struggled to play well. Unfortunately for Jefferson, statistics show that the amount of points he scores in games has a negative correlation with how much his team is winning. During his short time with the Jazz (and in his defense), roster changes and injuries were more to blame for the team losing than Big Al’s lack of effort, or leadership. He showed huge heart the second half of the year. He mentioned that he came to Utah for three reasons; to play for Coach Sloan, to play alongside Deron, and to finally be on a winning team. At the end of the season, Jefferson didn’t have any of those to hang his hat on. Instead, he was back on a losing team that decided to begin re-building midway through his first season. He had every right to be disappointed, but he continued to work hard to improve his game.  Look for Jefferson to continue his improvement while he gets more comfortable in the Jazz’ system. Also, Derrick Favors’ length and athleticism should make Al’s job on defense much easier than playing alongside the undersized Millsap. As for his future, I don’t see the Jazz moving Jefferson. Hopefully his game will further adjust to fit what the Jazz need from their big man, and if the team can add some shooters, his job of scoring in the paint will be easier than it has been. With multiple draft picks and other uprising young players, there should be plenty of talent to help Al Jefferson buck his reputation of being the cause for bad teams.

Watch for article number three later this week as I take a close look at the decisions awaiting the next group of Jazz men; Earl Watson, Raja Bell, Ronnie Price, and Kyrylo Fesenko.

PART 1

Follow Nick on Twitter!

 

In Al Jefferson, NBA, Opinion, Uncategorized, Utah Jazz
permalink

Case of the Mondays: Black Friday Edition

Mychal —  November 29, 2010 — 1 Comment

Apology

So I would like to apologize to all my Case of the Mondays fans (all three of you. Especially you mom). I work retail and I got thrown into preparations for Black Friday so there was no Case of the Mondays last week. If there is any woman out there that is vehemently opposed to MMA I’m going to show her a video of Black Friday shopping and scream hypocrite.

Black Mamba Friday

Kobe was in top form in the 4th quarter.

What a Friday for Jazz fans. D-Will’s plea for his team not to eat turkey evidently was heeded. The Jazz came out and beat the Lakers. Here are some of the things I noticed during the game:

  • Kobe’s Still Kobe – Despite putting up pedestrian numbers in the first 3 quarters, the Black Mamba came alive in the 4th. He had 14 straight points in the 4th quarter until …
  • Sloan’s Adjustments – Sloan’s coaching is like a fine wine. It just gets better with age. His 4th quarter adjustments to ge the ball out of Kobe’s hands helped the Jazz disrupt his flow and caused a turnover which resulted in an easy layup for Raja. Instead of the normal ending of Kobe finishing off the Jazz, the Jazz were resilient and fought back and got the win. Just another reason why Sloan is one of the best coaches in the game.
  • Rebounding – The Jazz out-rebounded the Lakers, 42-38. No, that’s not a typo. The Jeffer-Sap Monster was out in full force hitting the boards.
  • Big Al – Remember all the attention Big Al’s increased weight got at the beginning of the season? Pau Gasol had to deal with it all Friday night. I’m sure the only one who thinks he should lose that weight now is Pau Gasol. Jefferson’s size really disrupted Gasol’s flow and allowed the Jazz to focus on Kobe and not have to double team Gasol in the post.

L.A. Griffins

How many Clippers does it take to take a ball from a Millsap? (AP Photo/Mark J. Terrill)

Blake Griffin is so much fun to watch. In fact while I am typing this I am actually re-watching a Clipper game. Do you realize that re-watching a Clipper game used to be a punishment worse than waterboarding? Now it is actually enjoyable. I’m just scared that one of these days Blake Griffin might actually realize that the name on his jersey reads “Clippers” and stop trying. Here are some things I noticed during the Clipper game:

  • Blake Griffin, Blake Griffin, Blake Griffin – Get your wins now agains this guy. Honestly, it’s like the Clippers went “weird science” on us and instead of making their dream woman they simply imported Blake Griffin’s persona from NBA JAM and put him in a living body. Amazing.
  • Twitter Prediction Came True – I said it on twitter earlier today, “J.A. Adande + Attending Jazz Game + Jazz 5 game win streak + Sweep of L.A. teams = A Story on ESPN about the Jazz tomorrow.” And he did. In other news, I’m starting an online palm reading service.
  • Team Effort – The Jazz had 6 players with 10 points or more. Solid.
  • AK-47 – We witnessed some vintage Andrei last night. His line: 15 points, 4 rebounds, 3 assists, 3 blocks, and 1 steal.

Fesenko, Friend Me

So I must gloat right now. I took a shot in the dark and added Fesenko as a friend on Facebook. It looks I was worthy of friendship. I was accepted as one of his facebook friends. In case you were wondering what his most recent facebook status was it was this:

Yes this is not fake.

By the way, for all those out there, slcdunk.com does this thing called Fesenko Friday, in which they find a random picture of Fesenko and you get to make the caption of it. I totally recommend it. Great way to start your weekend. Kudos to slcdunk.com for such a great weekly holiday.

No Rest For The Weary

The Jazz have to face 3 tough basketball teams this week. They play against the Bucks tonight, the Pacers on Wednesday, and the Mavericks on Friday. The Bucks are coming off a win against Charlotte, the Pacers just beat the Lakers in L.A. on Sunday, and the Mavericks have won 5 straight. In case you’re wondering how the Jazz matchup, here are the team previews we did for each of these teams and how Utah matches up against them:

Milwaukee Bucks

Indiana Pacers

Dallas Mavericks

Follow Mychal on Twitter!

In Case of the Mondays, NBA, Opinion, Uncategorized, Utah Jazz , ,
permalink

Take it to the Court: Thanksgiving Edition

Jefferson —  November 24, 2010 — 8 Comments

Take it the Court is a new weekly column on SCH featuring the arguments, opinions, and random musing of a Utah Jazz fanatic.

Over the past several years, the Utah Jazz have teamed up with the Salt Lake Mission to provide Thanksgiving to thousands of underprivileged Utahns.  Thus, in the spirit of Thanksgiving, here is a sampling of the Utah Jazz as your traditional holiday meal:

  • Turkey: I know you’re thinking Deron Williams as the main course, right?  Guess again…how about Jerry Sloan?  Don’t sleep on Sloan for Coach of the Year, tryptophan notwithstanding.  Surrounded by change (during his tenure, he’s seen different players, management, different uniforms, even a different arena, and later a new arena name), Sloan is as constant as the Thanksgiving turkey tradition.  This Coach won’t let his players nap on defense (or they’ll find themselves camping on the bench).  Turkey is Thanksgiving and Jerry Sloan is the Utah Jazz.
  • Mashed Potatoes: Half Millsap + half Jefferson = one tasty serving of “Jeffersap.”  Night in and night out, these two take turns filling the plates of opposing teams with tasty points and rebounds.  Together, they are the glue that holds the meal together – It would nice to see them both on the table at the same time, but at least we can always count on one or the other. Thru 15 games, the duo is averaging a combined 36 points and nearly 18 rebounds per outing.
  • Gravy train? Here’s where D-Will comes in.  You know that the key to turkey and mashed potatoes is a sweet tasting gravy to tie it all together.  Likewise, Deron is the link between Sloan and his two-headed Jeffersap.  When Williams is hot, he makes Sloan, Millsap, and Jefferson ALL look better.  You can bet that opposing teams wish they could go easy on Williams – just like passing by the gravy at your family feast, overlooking D-Will is a recipe for destruction.
  • Sweet potatoes: How come we only eat sweet potatoes for Thanksgiving?  It must be some holdover from a long forgotten era – but it still makes the menu every November.  Raja Bell is the sweet potato in our analogy – a little old school, but the meal just isn’t complete without him.  With Raja on the bench, the defensive difference in Utah’s home loss to OKC was palatable.  Raja hasn’t had a defining game yet, but he makes his teammates better defenders.
  • Homemade rolls: Unless your willpower is stronger than mine (sweet, sweet carbs), you really can’t stop after one serving…just like Andrei Kirilenko.  When AK is playing well, the team wins – plain and simple.  Recall that is was AK’s inspired play that initiated the streak of comebacks.  Pair him up with some Gravy or Mashed Potatoes, even cranberry sauce – and you’ve got a winning combination.
  • Green Beans: Not everyone likes CJ Miles.  I have several FB friends who insist that he is the problem with the Jazz and needs to be shipped away as soon as possible.  And then he knocks down HUGE buckets to keep the Jazz from dropping a close one to division rival Portland, followed by a great showing against the Kings.  I, for one, am a fan of green beans AND CJ Miles.  My only qualm? I don’t want my green beans thinking that it is my gravy.  CJ, I love ya, but this is Deron’s team – you don’t have to be the hero every time you get the ball.  Be content to be a green bean, for crying out loud!
  • Cranberry Sauce: Like it or not, a little bit goes a long way; enter the Utah bench – Fes, Elson, Price, Hayward, Watson [reserve "white meat" jokes about Fes and Hayward for another time].  The Jazz don’t need huge minutes OR huge numbers from their bench players.  Instead, they need small doses of energy to keep things together.
  • Pumpkin Pie: If you don’t finish your meal with a slice of pie with some fresh whipped cream, you’re missing out.  There’s just something about Mehmet Okur [shouldn't HE be the Turkey?] that can put the finishing touches on the Utah season.  Sure, you may think there is no room for pie, but come on, you can always make room for a nice slice of pie – and a silky smooth jumpshot.  Word is, Memo is getting close.

My wish is that each and every reader out there has a happy and healthy Thanksgiving with more food than you can eat and plenty of friends and family to share it with.  From the staff writers of SCH, we’re grateful for you stopping by for the finest news and opinions on the Utah Jazz.

-  -

Contact Jefferson W. Boswell at jeffersonboz [AT] gmail [DOT] com.

In Al Jefferson, Blog, CJ Miles, Deron Williams, Gordon Hayward, NBA, Opinion, Paul Millsap, Raja Bell, Take it to the Court, Utah Jazz , , , , ,
permalink

Take it to the Court: A Revolving Door League

Jefferson —  November 17, 2010 — 2 Comments

Take it the Court is a new weekly column on SCH featuring the arguments, opinions, and random musing of a Utah Jazz fanatic.

Eric Maynor takes on D-Will (Layne Murdoch/NBAE via Getty Images)

Last Christmas, in one of its most generous presents of all time, Utah gift wrapped a promising young rookie – Eric Maynor – and sent him to a division rival, the Oklahoma City Thunder.  In return, the Jazz received the rights to Peter Fehse (he of New Yorker Phantoms Braunschweig fame).  Fehse was drafted by the late-Seattle Supersonics in 2002, but he never played a minute of NBA ball (never will).  In that same transaction, OKC agreed to foot the insurance bill for Matt Harpring’s injured contract.  Such deals are not uncommon in the NBA – the bottom line is that the bottom line motivates many such moves each year.

In Utah’s Monday night loss, Eric Maynor was not incredible.  Compared to Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook, Maynor looked downright pedestrian.  Still, in only 16 minutes on the court, E-May put up 8 points, 3 assists, and 3 rebounds (though D-Will and company did bait him into 4 quick personal fouls).

I couldn’t help but wonder what might have been had Maynor stayed in a Jazz jersey.  Sure, Earl Watson and Ronnie Price are adequate back-ups for Deron, but I couldn’t help but wonder if Utah gave up too much in their dispatch of Maynor… would that trade come back to haunt the Jazz at some point in the future?

For better or worse, Eric Maynor is only the latest in a long line of former-Jazzmen who have gone on to successful careers after their time in SLC:

  • Who can forget undrafted rookie sensation Wesley Matthews?  Just last night, he showed Portland that he was worth every penny of his new contract – he put up 30 points, 3 rebounds, 3 assists, 2 steals and a block.  Talk about stuffing a stat sheet.  B-Roy was watching as his understudy went off.  As I’ve said before, I hope the kid has a long and successful career – as long as he’s off when he plays the Jazz.
  • Much to D-Will’s chagrin, Utah shipped off Ronnie Brewer for peanuts last year.  Now, he’s teamed up with Boozer and Korver in Chicago.  The Bulls are off to a 6-3 start, though Korver and Ronnie B. have seen only limited minutes off the bench, and Boozer has yet to get out of his business suit.
  • Carlos Arroyo played 145 games for the Jazz from 2002-2004.  During that time, he averaged 8.9 points and just shy of 5 assists.  In his “break-out” 2003-04 season in Utah, he averaged better than 12 points and 5 assists per outing.  A bit of a journeyman, he had stints in Detroit, Orlando, TAU Cerámica (Spanish ACB), and is now running the point for LeBron and Friends in Miami.  Arroyo’s greatest successes on the court came in international play.  He was the flag-bearer for the Puerto Rican National Basketball Team, as well as named to 2004 All-Olympic Team – the same Puerto Rico squad that beat up on USA’s Nightmare Team.  In PR’s victory over USA, Arroyo contributed 25 points, 7 assists and 4 steals. [Note: USA basketball went on to win the Bronze medal, prompting the reorganization of the team – leading to the current "Redeem Team"]
  • Mo Williams was slated to become one of Utah’s many second round draft steals – selected 47th overall in 2003.  Instead, he played in only season with Utah – averaged 5 points and 1.3 assists in limited minutes.  After a few successful years in Milwaukee, Mo was traded to the Cleveland Cavaliers and played alongside ‘Bron – even earned an All-Star nod last year (as an injury replacement for Bosh).  Now he’s left to pick up the pieces after the James gang bolted for sunnier weather.
  • Long before DeShawn Stevenson tattooed a backwards “P” on his cheek for his hometown Pittsburgh Pirates(?), he tortured Jazz fans with his amazing talent and lackluster effort.  From 2000-2004, Stevenson played in over 200 games as a Jazzman.  He too became a journeyman, and has since spent time in Orlando, Washington, and is currently with the Dallas Mavericks.  Though still plagued with common energy and uncommon ability, DeShawn has had a successful run in the NBA since leaving the Wasatch Front.  Who would have thought that sheer talent (without the accompanying drive) would see this guy last a decade in the league?
  • How many people recall a little fella named Dell Curry sporting a Jazz uniform?  The Jazz drafted the 6’5″ Curry with the 15th overall pick in 1986.  Playing in only 67 games in the ’86-’87 season, Dell Curry went went on to spend 14 more years in the league.  In the 1993-94 season, Curry’s outstanding bench effort earned him a trophy for the Sixth Man of the Year with the late-Charlotte Hornets.  Dell Curry ranks 28th all-time in 3-point field goals made.  Perhaps his greatest basketball achievement?  Siring Golden State phenomenon Stephen Curry.
  • With the third overall pick of the 1982 NBA draft, the Utah Jazz selected Dominique Wilkins from the University of Georgia.  Unfortunately for Jazz fans, cash problems kept them from ever seeing the Human Highlight Film in a Jazz uni.  Several months after the draft, Utah shipped the promising young forward to Atlanta for John Drew, Freeman Williams and cash – the rest is history.  It actually worked out okay for the Jazz – they picked up Karl Malone in the draft 3 years later.
  • If you’ll indulge me, lets go all the way back to the Crescent City in 1974.  Better known for his career pacing the sideline, Rick Adelman played 28 games for the New Orleans Jazz – averaged 6.3 points.  Now the guy makes his living as a Head Coach – having spent time at the helm of the Trail Blazers, Warriors, Kings, and now the Houston Rockets.  Next time he comes to SLC, be sure to show some respect to the former Jazzman.

Only time will tell if recent personnel decisions will come back to haunt the Jazz.  Eric Maynor looked every bit the part of a solid NBA back-up PG in Monday’s loss.  We’ll get our chance to see Wesley Matthews in action this Saturday as the Jazz travel to Portland.  I can’t wait to see the Chicago Jazz take the court at ESA, though we’ll have to wait until February for that match up (long enough for Boozer to be injured a few more times).

It’s a revolving door league – some great players go and some poor players stay.  You can bet, though, like Eric Maynor showed on Monday night – the great players that leave will come ready to play and show their former team that it was a mistake to let them move on.

- -

Contact Jefferson W. Boswell at jeffersonboz [AT] gmail [DOT] com.

In Blog, NBA, Opinion, Take it to the Court, Uncategorized, Utah Jazz
permalink

Case of the Mondays: And Totally Redeem Yourself!

Mychal —  November 15, 2010 — 3 Comments

Case of the Mondays is a weekly column on SCH that recaps the previous weekend and gives you your Jazz fix when you’ve been diagnosed with a case of the Mondays.

About Last Week

After the Jazz began the season 0-2 it seemed all was wrong in Jazz land. D-Will wasn’t happy, the Jazz’s offense was terrible, Al Jefferson was overrated, Bell was on his last legs, the bench looked awful, Hayward was catching passes from D-Will that had an extra zip to them, and the Bear almost fell from a ladder in the home opener (yes, this did in fact happen.)

Then something crazy happened. In case you weren’t able to see last week I condensed all of last week’s games into one clip. Watch that and then come back. To paraphrase, the Jazz bandwagon has room for one more if you still haven’t caught Jazz fever.

Continue Reading…

In Case of the Mondays, NBA, Utah Jazz , , , , , ,
permalink

Take it to the Court: A League of Extraordinary Gentlemen?

Jefferson —  November 12, 2010 — 4 Comments

Take it the Court is a new weekly column on SCH featuring the arguments, opinions, and random musing of a Utah Jazz fanatic.

In the preseason, Big Al Jefferson stated that he hoped to be the “Robin” to D-Will’s “Batman.”  As any kid who has spent time watching Saturday morning cartoons can attest, Robin was never Batman’s greatest teammate.  Recall that Batman teamed up with Superman, Wonder-woman, Aquaman – even Scooby Doo.  For all the arrogance of Ironman (née Tony Stark), his greatest allies were Thor, Captain America, and Nick Fury (to name a few).  Would the X-Men be as popular/successful as the X-man?  For all of Batman’s prowess in policing Gotham, he had greater impact and magnified his influence by teaming up with other superheroes.  So you ask, what do these comics have to do with the NBA?  Observe:

During this off-season, we all watched in abject horror (or amazement) as LeBron announced his decision to take his talents to South Beach. One of the best basketball talents of all time, ‘Bron essentially espoused the Batman model (or, as some may say, the Legion of Doom model) of teaming up with other superheros (Dwayne “don’t call me Flash” Wade & Chris Bosh) in order to chase his championship. As impressive as the Heat experiment has been in the opening weeks of the season, not all is right in south Florida.

As has been discussed ad nauseum (here and elsewhere), earlier this week, Paul Millsap exposed the weakness of Miami’s front-line (I’m looking at you Bosh).  The Jazz somehow overcame a HUGE deficit and 39 points from the basketball-player-formerly-known-as-Flash.  A fluke?  Perhaps.

But Miami’s other losses in the young season (two at the hands of the Boston Senior Citizens, and one to CP3 – the other best PG in the league) demonstrated just what is wrong with throwing a bunch of superstars together…a lack of chemistry.  Against the Hornets, Miami allowed CP3 to put up 19 dimes and 13 points – Okafor posted a double-double – three other players scored in double figures.  In two games against the Shamrocks, Miami has looked the part of the pretender – not the contender that was promised.  In an alpha-dog league, no one is quite sure where their place is in the Heat-pack.

When ‘Bron decided to go to Miami, many (myself included) thought him a coward for teaming up with his “Super Friends.”  What would this mean for the future of free agency?  Would Carmelo and CP3 make good on Paul’s toast to NYC and joining Amar’e with the Knicks?  Was parity in the NBA a thing of the past?  How could the Utahs and San Antonios of the league compete with the NY Yankee model being copied in the NBA  (hard cap)?  Perhaps the league could consolidate into 6-8 “super-teams,” and leave the “average” NBA talent in the D-League (and send the D-Leaguers off to find work in the “real world”).

In today’s megalithic NBA, superstar Free Agents have the ability to demand outlandish salaries.  Granted, the value of a dollar is the same for me as for LeBron James – but what can he buy with $125 million that he can’t buy for $115 million?  Really?  If you have the basketball talents of Kobe Bryant, LeBron, Dwayne (and to a lesser extent, Deron Williams), why not simply pick a home and have your similarly talented friends come play with you?  I’m sure games of H.O.R.S.E after Miami’s practice are much more spirited with Dwayne Wade and LeBron James going at it…I mean really, who wants to face off against Lazar Hayward in Minnesota when you could be playing the King just steps from the beach? Continue Reading…

In Blog, Free Agency, NBA, Opinion, Take it to the Court , , , , , , , ,
permalink

How to Disgust Fans: A Handbook for Beginners

Jeff Lind —  November 9, 2010 — 4 Comments

If you’re a professional athlete, there is something you should know. Fans are an easy group to please. I know that’s counter intuitive since we seem like such an unruly bunch, but we WANT to like you. Sure, we’ll nitpick every lost down, every turnover, every blown save, and any missed free throw you have. We know that’s obnoxious. We’re fans and we overreact, but you know what? We compensate by over-forgiving. As long as you come out next time, look like you learned something, and pretend that you actually care about us, then we’ll forgive quickly and move on. When you’re on our team, you’re one of us, and we want you to succeed.

Saying that, we can turn on you. We don’t like to do it, but under a special set of circumstances we will. Sometimes professional athletes make it hard for us to like them… you do such dumb things that it makes it impossible for us to cheer. Yes, we over-forgive, but fans have our limits. If you want to make us mad for a day, do something dumb on the field, but if you want to permanently disgust us do any of these things:

Be apathetic. Athletes should know something about fans: we can take a well fought loss. We know you’re not going to win every game (well… most of us know that – I’m lookin’ at you BCS), however, nothing drives us more crazy than seeing players show up to training camp out of shape, players dogging it up the court, or apathetic answers at a press conference after a mediocre effort. Lack of accountability and apathy in defeat make us want to tear our eyelashes out.

Make fun of people with disfigurements, skin conditions, or illnesses that they can’t control. Your fans are people, and people are imperfect. Any time you decide to make fun of large swaths of humans, think twice. Ask yourself a simple question: did this person choose to be like this (lawyers, circus clowns, guys that ride around college campuses on unicycles), or were they born with the condition (mental disabilities, diseases, disfigurements). If they fall into the former, let ‘em have it. Those guys chose their path, they can defend their choices, but if they are a member of the latter group, hold your tongue. You make fun of that group and you’re just being mean (even if it is in private).

Sincerely lie to people that want to believe you. If the steroid era in baseball has ingrained one thing upon young fans, it’s this: if you played during that time and have arms that are 15x any normal person’s, then we assume that you probably had a needle sticking out of you at some point. Yes, we’re annoyed by the whole steroid thing, but you know what we’re more annoyed with? You and your pin-cushion buddies thinking we’re idiots. We have eyes and your rookie card. We know what size your head used to be before you started jacking home-runs by the dozen. Fans don’t like steroids, but we understand that it happened. Now quit lying to us. Stop using them, and if you get caught then tell the truth and we’ll all and get over it together. Trust me… at this point, young fans don’t really care… until you lie. If you refuse to testify to congress, you act insolent after breaking a sacred record, or continue to tell us that you’re clean after we see the failed tests, then we’ll cast you off.

Hurt animals. Just don’t do it. It’s really gross.

Act mean to service staff. I worked on Wall Street. It’s a place where people put a lot of time and effort into appearances. At times it’s difficult to tell who is sincerely nice, and who’s just really good at feigning it. There’s one sure fire way to separate the two though. Go out to dinner with a person. People that tip well, smile at waiters, and that treat hostesses with respect are nice people. People that short-change wait staff, treat busboys like they’re idiots, or scream about the food are mean. If a person looks for opportunities to put down the perceived little guy then they are jerks in other facets of their life (take note ladies… the same can be said for the guys you date).

Do the same stupid things enough times that people stop feeling bad for you. It is physically impossible for fans to feel bad for any professional athlete who A) has a multi-seven figure contract, and B) repeatedly gets in trouble in a strip club/casino/night club. If you can’t stay away from these establishments and continue to jeopardize your career because you love being in that atmosphere so much, I have a solution! Build a strip club/casino/night club in your basement! If it’s at your house then you can make it rain, shoot yourself in the leg, or cheat at cards all you want… and we don’t have to hear about it.

Complain about your money publicly. There’s almost nothing we hate more than hearing millionaires squabble about money. It’s why we loath the impending NBA lockout. Fans across this country are fighting to make ends meet (especially in this recession). We’re making payments on underwater mortgages, shelling out for kid’s increasing college tuition, and paying for gas to take us to and from our boring jobs. We watch sports as an escape from daily life, and the last thing any of us want to see when we turn on the TV are people who get paid to play a game complain about their million dollar paychecks. It’s just tacky.

So there they are: the basics of how to disgust fans. Remember, we want to love you… we beg for great players to be great people, but if you do want us to hold up nasty signs, boo you, or write articles about shipping you off to foreign leagues, then this handbook could be helpful. Do any one of these things for a long enough time, and we’ll be disgusted by you. Guaranteed.

Follow Jeff on Twitter!

In NBA, Opinion, Uncategorized
permalink