Here at Salt City Hoops, we’re occasionally accused of being too analytical. Basketball is a fun sport, they say, and we’re being too objective about it. Jumbo Rudding, on the other hand, is not analytical. He is zany. He is infamous for his out-of-left-field basketball jokes and opinions. We’re thrilled to have him contribute a mailbag each week on Salt City Hoops. Interested in submitting a question to Jimbo’s mailbag? Email it to Jimbo at email@example.com or tweet @JimboRudding to appear.
Q: So, Exum is probably out for the year. What did you do when you heard the news and what do you think will happen now?
Ugh, what a blow that was to hear the news this week. It’s just a huge bummer because this was going to be the year he finally found the confidence to take the ball to the rim and get a layup.
When I heard the news, I was like, “Huh?… eh, maybe he just tweaked it?” Then when I saw the video I was all, “No no no no no no… please, no… well, maybe he just tweaked it… but his knee is bending sideways a little… please, no?… ugh, Trey, you better be awesome this year!… please, no?… no no no no… no… please?… maybe he just tweaked it a little… what if Neto is the next John Stockton?… it could be worse, we could still have Jim Les… please, no?… Cotton is a quick, little firecracker point guard… please no no no no… he probably just tweaked it.”
In all honesty, I feel horrible for Dante. I also feel bad for Dante’s family, Dennis Lindsey, the Miller family, Australia, Jazz fans, dingos, myself, shrimp, barbies, myself, and also Jazz fans. I promise I’m not trying to be cold-hearted about the whole thing. A weak attempt at ridiculous humor is the manner in which I have chosen to healthily process my internal pain and sorrow.
So, what’s next? I could see the Jazz will exploring some trade scenarios, although I’m not sure why they would do that when it looked like they were going to have four point guards on the roster to start the season anyway. I wouldn’t mind if they started the season with Burke, Neto, and Cotton and let that run for the first 10-15 games. If it’s clear the Jazz would be winning if only for lackluster point guard performance, then I think you go hard after a veteran via trade.
Q: If the Jazz name and/or mascot (Bear) ever became offensive or non-PC, what would be an appropriate replacement?
I LOVE this question! It’s been a long time since I’ve been asked about changing the Jazz name or the Jazz mascot.
I, for one, am in favor of keeping the Jazz name and mascot the way it is. I know “Utah Jazz” doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, but it’s not like there are nice lakes in L.A. or giant hornets in Charlotte or scary Newsies wearing knickerbockers in New York either. Don’t even get me started on the lack of 76ers in Philadelphia.
However, if the Jazz were forced to change their name, here are a few suggestions I would have:
Again, I am not in favor of changing the Jazz mascot, but if we were forced to do so by either the NBA or foreign terrorists, here is a list of my suggestions for a new Jazz mascot:
Q: Yeah, why does Golden Crisp make your pee smell like cereal? Thanks
I’m not totally sure why Golden Crisp is doing that to you. My advice would be to either visit your doctor as soon as possible or try to get a hold of Trevor Booker and ask him if he has experienced this before. Maybe it’s totally normal? If you find out that that’s the case, congratulations!!!
Q: Your mailbag needs a theme song. Something to listen to while enjoying your sweet poetry. Suggestions?
First things first, thank you for calling the mailbag “poetry.” The last time anyone ever called anything I wrote “poetry” was in 10th grade when Michelle Barron yelled out at a school assembly, “CHECK OUT THIS GUY’S POETRY!” and then everyone pointed and laughed at me. What can I say? I was 17 and in love and when you’re 17 and in love you do strange things like write poetry and hand it over to the girl of your dreams hoping that that will be enough for her to look past your acne and weird personality.
I LOVE the idea of a theme song so much! I’ve often thought to myself that the mailbag would be so much more enjoyable if it was preceded by a theme song. In fact, I’ve been working on a theme song for the past 15 minutes. Here are the lyrics I have so far:
“It’s time for the Jimbo Mailbag,
It cures everything from depression to jet lag,
So if you feel like you’re smile is starting to sag,
Just hold up your Utah Jazz flag,
And enjoy a new Jimbo Mailbag!”
I don’t know. It’s a first draft and it sounds so much better sung to the ukulele. The acoustics in my bathroom are pretty awesome.
I’ll keep working on it, but in the meantime I suggest going with Pearl Jam.
Thanks for the questions, everyone! I really appreciate you all taking the time to read. Remember, tell your friends, neighbors, and second cousins so we can get this mailbag to go viral!!!