Jimbo’s Mailbag – Are the Jazz Ever Going to Win Again?

March 4th, 2016 | by Jimbo Rudding
(Photo by Maddie Meyer/Getty Images)

(Photo by Maddie Meyer/Getty Images)

Welcome to the next edition of Jimbo’s Mailbag! At Salt City Hoops, we know that covering a team without any humor can be dreary. As such, we decided to add a little bit more levity to our site via Jimbo’s unique outlook on the world of Jazz basketball. Jimbo, by virtue of being recently featured in the Deseret News, is now the world’s most famous Utah-based basketball mailbag artist. Interested in submitting a question to Jimbo’s mailbag? Email it to Jimbo at mailbag@saltcityhoops.com or tweet @JimboRudding to appear.

Q: It’s supposed to rain this weekend. Do you think we find any wins at the end of a rainbow?

@the_BrianB

I’m not looking for wins at the end of a rainbow, I’m looking for wins at the end of a game. Lately the Jazz have started games off on fire and then around halfway through the third quarter they start thinking, “Wait, we’re not supposed to beat these guys!” I don’t know how many times in the last month I’ve muttered, “Ugh, I’ve seen this game before and don’t worry about spoilers because I know how it ends” to no one in particular.

As for this week, things are looking pretty bleak. We end the road trip playing two good Western Conference teams. Nothing I’ve seen in the last four or five games gives me hope for Jazz wins. But your question got me thinking about the rest of the season too, so I thought I’d go through the schedule and see where the Jazz would be if they continue playing like they have been lately.

The rest of the season schedule along with my projections looks like this:

@Memphis – L

@New Orleans – L

ATLANTA – W

@Golden State – L

WASHINGTON – W

@Sacramento – L

CLEVELAND – L

PHOENIX – W

@Chicago – L

@Milwaukee – L

@Houston – L

@Oklahoma City – L

@Minnesota – W

LA LAKERS – W

GOLDEN STATE – L

MINNESOTA – W

@Phoenix – W

SAN ANTONIO – L

LA CLIPPERS – L

@Denver – L

DALLAS – W

@LA Lakers – W

Based on the way they’re playing now, I would guess they end the regular season with a 37-45 record. Is that good enough to get the crap beat out of us in the first round of the playoffs? Hopefully! I guess the Jazz could win a few they shouldn’t win, but I KNOW they will lose some they shouldn’t lose (see the Nets game at home).

Now I know that Alec Burks will be back and Exum might return early and Derek Fisher lied and Mark Jackson thought he was better than John Stockton, but I’m just calling it like I see it today. If the Jazz win tonight in Memphis, then the Jazz could win the rest of their games. You never know. You DO have to take into account that I just learned what “shooting percentage” is and I really don’t know that much about basketball.

 

Q: Any thoughts on the presidential race? Can you suggest a halftime performance with the Republican candidates in town for the debate?

@NatalieCGordon

I usually stay far away from political stuff. I always say that the day I get into a political discussion on social media is the day that I jam a meat thermometer into my ear as hard as I can. I just don’t think it does anybody any good. Most people’s minds are already made up, and if their minds aren’t made up, then they’re probably not going to vote anyway.

I’m always, however, thinking of new halftime ideas for Jazz games (see last week’s Jimbo’s Mailbag for my latest halftime ideas). If any of the candidates were up to it, I’d be honored to share the halftime court with any of them. Here are a couple halftime ideas I’ve had lately that could potentially involve the Republican candidates:

  • Marcio Rumbi – I enter the court blindfolded and Merco and I play a game of “Marco Pubio” (it’s like Marco Polo only more presidential). The crowd gets louder and louder the closer I get to Marcho. Once I tag him, I pull off my blindfold and then we both pull of masks. What the crowd thought was me and Marco was really two of the brothers from the TV show “Home Improvement” (not Jonathon Taylor Thomas; the other ones). Mark and I were comfortably enjoying the halftime performance dressed as ushers.
  • Dronald Trumf – The Donhald and I enter the court and we both juggle large knives. While we’re juggling, my wig falls off and then Donald’s wig falls off and the crowd laughs. Then Dornal’s pants fall down while he’s juggling and then 100 free wigs fall from the rafters to the lucky fans in the lower bowl.
  • Tom Cruz – Cruise and I walk out. I grab the mic and say, “Don’t you guys think he looks a little like Count Chocula?” Once the crowd starts laughing, that’s when Crooz does a Count Chocula impression and I announce that everyone gets a free bag of “Dracula’s Cocoa,” which is the cheaper generic brand of Count Chocula.
  • Steven Fadderskompf – Fadderskompf is my neighbor and almost no one knows that he’s running for president. But he and I have been working on a halftime act from before he entered the race, so we’ll just do that one. It involves me taking my shirt off and Steven shooting me in the stomach with a t-shirt gun at close range. Don’t worry though. The gun doesn’t have a t-shirt in it. It has about half a bag of loose Count Chocula from the Cruz halftime act. Then the crowd watches it on the Jumbotron in super slo-mo.

I hope all the presidential hopefuls enjoy their time in Utah doing these halftime acts with me. They should be proud of themselves. It’s not easy getting in front of thousands of people and performing like I do.

 

Q: Steph Curry for president?

@ciscoru

Why not? The guy is unreal. He may not have government experience and he may have subpar facial hair, but the guy sure can throw a basketball into an iron circle! So why not give him the keys to the ole U S of A?

I’m not really sure that Steph would actually be any worse as our president than any of these other jokers running. In fact, I’m not really a fan of any politicians. Back in 2008, I wrote in Paul Millsap for president because he had a nice game against the Clippers the night before. Sadly, he didn’t win.

 

Q: When are we gonna get another Rudy Salute?

@JazzManZach

Man, I’ve been waiting for that for some time. If I remember right, there’s only been one all year. I believe he did it during a game and Quin got mad because he was late getting back on defense. I can understand why he’s maybe a little nervous about doing it again.

What I have noticed this year is that Rudy needs to get stronger. Stronger hands, stronger core, and stronger facial hair. He’s getting bullied down low lately. Guys who have no business scoring on Gobert for some reason are finding ways to back him down under the basket and get layups.

I understand it’s a little dumb to criticize Rudy. He’s a great defensive anchor and he alters tons of shots. All I’m saying is that he could benefit from working his core. Like, maybe if he slept on one of those exercise balls or did more crunches with his legs in the air or ate more Costco rotisserie chickens?

If only we had a former NBA MVP who could take our big guys and teach them what they need to do to get as strong and fit as possible.

 

Q: Last year a big deal was made bringing the Mailman back into the fold. He was going to help the big men, etc. Where’s he been?

@JimmerFrodette

Oh, wow, what a coincidence! I was just mentioning this in the answer above.

This has been on my mind a lot lately. You’re right, they made a big deal about bringing Karl back and how he was going to show Favors and the rest of the big guys what it means to work hard and be tough.

I’m not sure where he is. I know he has some kids in college and a lot of trucks to drive, animals to kill, and logs to split. I know that would keep ME really busy.

Fingers crossed he finds his way up here to help sometime soon. We could use it.

 

Q: Just spitballin here, IF Exum isn’t as good as hoped, does the team need someone else to be injured all next year to have an excuse?

@the6bees

I see where you’re going with this, and I understand the frustration. Heck, we’re all frustrated. We lost a year of Exum’s development and got a year closer to when Hayward can leave and Gobert will need to be paid. We set ourselves up for a great year because of how last year ended. We doubled down on potential and then pushed both hands (I don’t really know a lot about gambling, but I’ve seen Ocean’s 11 over 50 times).

I mean, check out all the crappy things that happened this season:

  • Exum tore his ACL.
  • Gobert hurt his knee when Jim Les fell into him at practice.
  • Favors jacked up his back when he tried to muscle his twins’ car seats into the car at the same time.
  • Trey Lyles got playing time.
  • Hayward started the year slow.
  • Trey Burke isn’t good at basketball.
  • Joe Ingles got some minutes.
  • All the NBA refs decided that they hated the Jazz.
  • Dick Bavetta admitted to costing the Jazz at least one championship.
  • We should’ve drafted Kawhi Leonard.
  • Jim Les is the worst.

Those are a lot of excuses that the Jazz COULD make, but the front office remains positive about the steps the team is taking. If there is one thing we Jazz fans know about steps, is that they cannot, and must not, be skipped.

 

Q: I heard that the NBA is going to add a sixth position on the floor. If so, what would it be called and what would it entail?

@agreenhalgh28

I haven’t heard this rumor. Wait, did I start this rumor??? Sounds like one of mine.

I wouldn’t necessarily be opposed to having a sixth man on the floor. I, as a fan, always thought of myself as the “seventh man” anyways because sometimes I don’t clap or cheer as loudly as the rest of the sixth men. The older I get, the more pessimistic, tired, and angry I get. Don’t believe me? Just try walking on my lawn.

If it were up to me, the new position would be called “Roaming Guard.” The roamer would be in charge of creating diversions so that the refs don’t see the pulling/tugging of jerseys and other dirty play. The rules for the roaming guard would be different than the rules for the other players. Here are just a few:

  • Roamer must wear a slap bracelet at all times.
  • Props are only allowed during the fourth quarter.
  • The roamer will be limited to two musical instruments at any one time.
  • Flatulence must be used in moderation.
  • No animals.
  • No babies.
  • No matches or lighters.

 

Q: In your next lunch with Gail, could you ask if they could force the Subway sub of the game to eat the sub they win on the bench?

@SpamIsDelish

This is a great idea! I think that after the game the crowd should be allowed to watch the Subway sub eat his sub. It’s only fair. I mean, we paid for those seats. The least they could do is allow us the pleasure of watching a player eat a meatball sub.

It would be cool too if the guys on the team who didn’t play had to take 10 lucky fans to Beto’s after. In fact, I’d pay good money to watch Trey Burke drink a 32 oz Horchata while wearing a sombrero. Don’t ask me why. There are special websites for people like me. Don’t worry about it.

I’ll talk to Gail and get this taken care of.

———————————————————————

Thanks for the questions this week, guys! Remember to tell your neighbors and cousins about Jimbo’s Mailbag. Maybe do it while staring at their mouths. Make it weird.

Jimbo Rudding

Jimbo Rudding

I am a typical Jazz fan. I think Jordan pushed off, Derek Fisher lied, Bavetta cost us at least one game in the Finals, we should have drafted Tony Parker instead of Raul Lopez, and there will never be anything better than the Stockton to Malone days. I, along with Spencer Campbell @SCampbellSBN, started the first and longest-running Utah Jazz podcast on earth. I enjoy the in-of-doors and telling people a better way of doing whatever it is they're currently doing.
Jimbo Rudding

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *