Welcome to the next edition of Jimbo’s Mailbag! At Salt City Hoops, we know that covering a team without any humor can be dreary. As such, we decided to add a little bit more levity to our site via Jimbo’s unique outlook on the world of Jazz basketball. Jimbo, by virtue of being recently featured in the Deseret News, is now the world’s most famous Utah-based basketball mailbag artist. Interested in submitting a question to Jimbo’s mailbag? Email it to Jimbo at email@example.com or tweet @JimboRudding to appear.
Q: It’s supposed to rain this weekend. Do you think we find any wins at the end of a rainbow?
I’m not looking for wins at the end of a rainbow, I’m looking for wins at the end of a game. Lately the Jazz have started games off on fire and then around halfway through the third quarter they start thinking, “Wait, we’re not supposed to beat these guys!” I don’t know how many times in the last month I’ve muttered, “Ugh, I’ve seen this game before and don’t worry about spoilers because I know how it ends” to no one in particular.
As for this week, things are looking pretty bleak. We end the road trip playing two good Western Conference teams. Nothing I’ve seen in the last four or five games gives me hope for Jazz wins. But your question got me thinking about the rest of the season too, so I thought I’d go through the schedule and see where the Jazz would be if they continue playing like they have been lately.
The rest of the season schedule along with my projections looks like this:
@Memphis – L
@New Orleans – L
ATLANTA – W
@Golden State – L
WASHINGTON – W
@Sacramento – L
CLEVELAND – L
PHOENIX – W
@Chicago – L
@Milwaukee – L
@Houston – L
@Oklahoma City – L
@Minnesota – W
LA LAKERS – W
GOLDEN STATE – L
MINNESOTA – W
@Phoenix – W
SAN ANTONIO – L
LA CLIPPERS – L
@Denver – L
DALLAS – W
@LA Lakers – W
Based on the way they’re playing now, I would guess they end the regular season with a 37-45 record. Is that good enough to get the crap beat out of us in the first round of the playoffs? Hopefully! I guess the Jazz could win a few they shouldn’t win, but I KNOW they will lose some they shouldn’t lose (see the Nets game at home).
Now I know that Alec Burks will be back and Exum might return early and Derek Fisher lied and Mark Jackson thought he was better than John Stockton, but I’m just calling it like I see it today. If the Jazz win tonight in Memphis, then the Jazz could win the rest of their games. You never know. You DO have to take into account that I just learned what “shooting percentage” is and I really don’t know that much about basketball.
Q: Any thoughts on the presidential race? Can you suggest a halftime performance with the Republican candidates in town for the debate?
I usually stay far away from political stuff. I always say that the day I get into a political discussion on social media is the day that I jam a meat thermometer into my ear as hard as I can. I just don’t think it does anybody any good. Most people’s minds are already made up, and if their minds aren’t made up, then they’re probably not going to vote anyway.
I’m always, however, thinking of new halftime ideas for Jazz games (see last week’s Jimbo’s Mailbag for my latest halftime ideas). If any of the candidates were up to it, I’d be honored to share the halftime court with any of them. Here are a couple halftime ideas I’ve had lately that could potentially involve the Republican candidates:
I hope all the presidential hopefuls enjoy their time in Utah doing these halftime acts with me. They should be proud of themselves. It’s not easy getting in front of thousands of people and performing like I do.
Q: Steph Curry for president?
Why not? The guy is unreal. He may not have government experience and he may have subpar facial hair, but the guy sure can throw a basketball into an iron circle! So why not give him the keys to the ole U S of A?
I’m not really sure that Steph would actually be any worse as our president than any of these other jokers running. In fact, I’m not really a fan of any politicians. Back in 2008, I wrote in Paul Millsap for president because he had a nice game against the Clippers the night before. Sadly, he didn’t win.
Q: When are we gonna get another Rudy Salute?
Man, I’ve been waiting for that for some time. If I remember right, there’s only been one all year. I believe he did it during a game and Quin got mad because he was late getting back on defense. I can understand why he’s maybe a little nervous about doing it again.
What I have noticed this year is that Rudy needs to get stronger. Stronger hands, stronger core, and stronger facial hair. He’s getting bullied down low lately. Guys who have no business scoring on Gobert for some reason are finding ways to back him down under the basket and get layups.
I understand it’s a little dumb to criticize Rudy. He’s a great defensive anchor and he alters tons of shots. All I’m saying is that he could benefit from working his core. Like, maybe if he slept on one of those exercise balls or did more crunches with his legs in the air or ate more Costco rotisserie chickens?
If only we had a former NBA MVP who could take our big guys and teach them what they need to do to get as strong and fit as possible.
Q: Last year a big deal was made bringing the Mailman back into the fold. He was going to help the big men, etc. Where’s he been?
Oh, wow, what a coincidence! I was just mentioning this in the answer above.
This has been on my mind a lot lately. You’re right, they made a big deal about bringing Karl back and how he was going to show Favors and the rest of the big guys what it means to work hard and be tough.
I’m not sure where he is. I know he has some kids in college and a lot of trucks to drive, animals to kill, and logs to split. I know that would keep ME really busy.
Fingers crossed he finds his way up here to help sometime soon. We could use it.
Q: Just spitballin here, IF Exum isn’t as good as hoped, does the team need someone else to be injured all next year to have an excuse?
I see where you’re going with this, and I understand the frustration. Heck, we’re all frustrated. We lost a year of Exum’s development and got a year closer to when Hayward can leave and Gobert will need to be paid. We set ourselves up for a great year because of how last year ended. We doubled down on potential and then pushed both hands (I don’t really know a lot about gambling, but I’ve seen Ocean’s 11 over 50 times).
I mean, check out all the crappy things that happened this season:
Those are a lot of excuses that the Jazz COULD make, but the front office remains positive about the steps the team is taking. If there is one thing we Jazz fans know about steps, is that they cannot, and must not, be skipped.
Q: I heard that the NBA is going to add a sixth position on the floor. If so, what would it be called and what would it entail?
I haven’t heard this rumor. Wait, did I start this rumor??? Sounds like one of mine.
I wouldn’t necessarily be opposed to having a sixth man on the floor. I, as a fan, always thought of myself as the “seventh man” anyways because sometimes I don’t clap or cheer as loudly as the rest of the sixth men. The older I get, the more pessimistic, tired, and angry I get. Don’t believe me? Just try walking on my lawn.
If it were up to me, the new position would be called “Roaming Guard.” The roamer would be in charge of creating diversions so that the refs don’t see the pulling/tugging of jerseys and other dirty play. The rules for the roaming guard would be different than the rules for the other players. Here are just a few:
Q: In your next lunch with Gail, could you ask if they could force the Subway sub of the game to eat the sub they win on the bench?
This is a great idea! I think that after the game the crowd should be allowed to watch the Subway sub eat his sub. It’s only fair. I mean, we paid for those seats. The least they could do is allow us the pleasure of watching a player eat a meatball sub.
It would be cool too if the guys on the team who didn’t play had to take 10 lucky fans to Beto’s after. In fact, I’d pay good money to watch Trey Burke drink a 32 oz Horchata while wearing a sombrero. Don’t ask me why. There are special websites for people like me. Don’t worry about it.
I’ll talk to Gail and get this taken care of.
Thanks for the questions this week, guys! Remember to tell your neighbors and cousins about Jimbo’s Mailbag. Maybe do it while staring at their mouths. Make it weird.