Jimbo’s Mailbag – Boring Games, Boban, and Benoit

October 30th, 2018 | by Jimbo Rudding

“Bobe,” as Jimbo affectionately calls him, does battle with Utah’s Derrick Favors. (Rick Bowmer)

Following an NBA team should be fun, and Jimbo Rudding makes sure it is. Jimbo is our resident mailbag artist at Salt City Hoops, providing our regular dose of levity as he answers questions with his signature blend of creativity, humor and unabashed fandom. You can submit questions to Jimbo at mailbag@saltcityhoops.com or by tweeting to @JimboRudding. Can I get an RT for that?

Q: Didn’t you say in a tweet that the Jazz would be 1-6 after this road trip?

@Mikeyvp

OK, listen: the Jazz had just fallen to 1-2, losing to the Grizzlies in one of the most boring basketball games ever played. What else was I supposed to think? You wouldn’t be a true Jazz fan if you didn’t assume the worst before every road trip.

Plus, my pessimism wasn’t all Jazz related that day. I had just barely found out that I wasn’t being considered for the Nobel Prize in literature even though my mailbags have been hecka-good lately.

Some other bad things that happened that day:

  • My dog ran away.
  • My power bill was $20 more than I was expecting.
  • Taco Time got my order right for once so I couldn’t complain and get a free tostada like usual.
  • My eyebrow had this weird twitching thing going on.
  • I got a floor burn on my thigh from trying to recreate the pants-less Risky Business dance scene.
  • I got into a shouting match with the Schwan’s frozen food delivery guy on my front lawn again.
  • My ponytail got caught in the Hollister front doors.

I know those are lame excuses, but the biggest reason you should never listen to any of my predictions is because I don’t really know all that much about basketball. In fact, I just learned the other day that you can’t pass to yourself. Can you believe that?!?! All this time I’ve been screaming at Jazz players to do it.

 

Q: Please explain the game of Booray.

@Kelibark

Sure! So, back a few years ago there was this NBA player named Ray Allen. Even though he suffered from alopecia, he sure was a great shooter.

Whenever Ray Allen would come to town, Jazz fans would boo him. It was a tradition of ours and let me tell you, he HATED it. We all called it “Booray” because it was the name of the game and also a description of how to play the game.

The instructions are simple: You boo as loud as you can every time Ray stands up, sits down, walks, runs, chews gum, catches the ball, shoots the ball, passes the ball, scolds the ball, inflates/deflates the ball, or tells the ball a secret.

The fan who boos Ray Allen the loudest and longest is the winner. Despite playing this game nearly 50 times, I have never won.

One great thing about the game is that it works with literally anyone named Ray. My uncle’s name is Ray and he, to this day, refuses to talk to me or anyone in my family.

 

Q: What sage advice would you give (Clippers center) Boban Marjanovic if he were you own freakishly tall son?

@UtahJazzyman

If Boban were my son, I’d probably call him Bobe… or Banban… or Bobbyanne… but probably Bobe. I would have so many things I’d want to teach Bobe that it would be hard to settle on just one thing. Here are just a few of the tidbits of advice I would give him:

  • Watch out for ceiling fans.
  • Don’t let the stares get to you.
  • Your backpack looks like a purse.
  • Tuck your earlobes into your shirt collar.
  • Be courteous and let others know if it’s starting to rain.
  • Never trust a fart after a burrito.
  • ALWAYS assume people want their Aerobies down from their trees and their roofs.
  • It’s impossible to look masculine while drinking from a straw.
  • Don’t go shirtless. Your shoulder blades make you look like a gargoyle.
  • Never peg your jeans.

There’s plenty more where that came from, Bobe. Please let your mother and I know if you need anything. We just love you so much and we are SO proud to call you our son!

 

Q: Remember when David Benoit shot 37 three pointers in the fourth quarter of Game 5 of the playoffs vs the Rockets in 1995? That was awesome, huh?

@thebigl32

I do remember that! Although, I went back and looked at the box score and it says that he only took six three pointers and made three. Plus he was 8-for-12 from the field that game and finished with 20 points.

I think I liked saying “Benoit” more than I liked watching him play. I’m not saying he was a bad player, I’m just saying that I like the way words sound when I say them. Like “crisp” or “gaunt” or even “lollygag.” Saying things is the best!


Thanks for submitting questions to the one and only Jimbo’s Mailbag, you guys. Remember to tell all the ghouls and goblins that come to your house this week about Jimbo’s Mailbag. While you do it, maybe unwrap the candy before dropping it in their bag. Make it weird.

Jimbo Rudding

Jimbo Rudding

I am a typical Jazz fan. I think Jordan pushed off, Derek Fisher lied, Bavetta cost us at least one game in the Finals, we should have drafted Tony Parker instead of Raul Lopez, and there will never be anything better than the Stockton to Malone days. I, along with Spencer Campbell @SCampbellSBN, started the first and longest-running Utah Jazz podcast on earth. I enjoy the in-of-doors and telling people a better way of doing whatever it is they're currently doing.
Jimbo Rudding

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