Welcome to the next edition of Jimbo’s Mailbag! At Salt City Hoops, we know that covering a losing team without any humor can be dreary. As such, we decided to add a little bit more levity to our site via Jimbo’s unique outlook on the world of Jazz basketball. Interested in submitting a question to Jimbo’s mailbag? Email it to Jimbo at email@example.com or tweet @JimboRudding to appear.
Q: What makes Enes Kanter’s Turkish barber so special?
I love this question!
Enes Kanter, in general, is a mystery to me. Not since Kirilenko have I yelled, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” and “GREAT JOB, FRIEND!” at the TV during one game. I know he’s only 21 and he’s going to make mistakes, but for the love of Hot Rod, play some defense and stop traveling!
As much as I am baffled at times by his play, I am just as baffled by his life off the court. His rookie year, he was consistently showing us via Twitter how toned his chest, nipples, and core were. In fact, it’s a toss-up between Kanter, Miley Cyrus, and myself as to whose belly button I saw more of that year. But now he doesn’t post much at all except religious sayings in Turkish.
Maybe it’s just me, but it seems like his haircut started out business-casual, but has been slowly morphing into frizzy Brillo pad. It’s like Enes just goes into Great Clips and says, “Number three clippers all the way around again, please.” I feel like I have every right to criticize Enes’ haircut because he and I have the same type of hair. My friends in high school used to call it my “beaver pelt” because it was thick and wavy and sometimes smelled like a mossy stream. To each his own hair cut, I guess.
Q: Who has more confidence: Trey Burke shooting or 17-year-old me asking the hottest girl in high school to prom?
What is the deal with Trey? He was so good in the preseason that I started telling friends and neighbors he was a shoe-in for the Most Improved Player award this year. Right after I told them that they were all, “I’m not your friend and GET OFF MY LAWN!”
So who has more confidence? I would say you do, Clark. If what you say is true and 17-year-old you asked the hottest girl in school to prom, then you should be commended for your bravery and given a key to the city during halftime of a high school football game. For dorks like myself, asking that type of girl to prom would be like trying to run a marathon in an adult onesie and cowboy boots. It can be done, but it’s probably best for you and the spectators if you sit this one out.
I always envied your type in high school; the kid who, although riddled with acne and the owner of 17 Memnarch Magic cards, is totally fine asking Kelly Taylor to the prom. If Kelly is a nice girl who was brought up the right way, she’ll go and have fun with whomever asks her. However, if this is reality we’re talking about, then Kelly will flat out say no and show up with Brad Allred. I mean, BRAD ALLRED? Are you kidding me? Doesn’t Kelly know that he was born with a cleft lip and cried one day in 3rd grade because he forgot his coat? Believe me. I’ve seen Can’t Buy Me Love like 50 times and the “hottest” girl is NEVER secretly into astronomy.
So, maybe Trey just needs to pretend he is asking the hottest girl in high school to prom while he’s playing. Just as long as he doesn’t text her.
Q: Thoughts on Coach Snyder’s neckties? I’d rank them somewhere between Sloan and Van Gundy, but a ways away from Corbin.
At this point, I will take anything “somewhere between Sloan and Van Gundy” in my team’s head coach. Even if it’s just neckties, I’m on board. Also, I will also take “a ways away from Corbin.”
To tell you the truth, the only one of his neckties I have noticed was during one of his first interviews when he wore the green one. I’m not one for noticing neckties or ascots or other types of clothing accessories. However, I HAVE been mesmerized by his hair.
I have a feeling that, at least once in his life, Quin Snyder has arrived late to an event because of a hair mishap. There’s a chance I could wrong about this, but I would be willing to bet my Rickey Henderson rookie card and a bag of Big League Chew that it has happened. But, come on you guys, who among us hasn’t bowed out of something because of a weird-looking sunburn or because all your pants are dirty?
So his hair is permanently stuck in the 1980’s. So what? There’s nothing wrong with that. My hair is stuck in the late 90’s and probably will be for the rest of my life. In fact, if I knew that I wouldn’t end up looking like my Aunt Carol from behind, I would grow my hair long like Eddie Vedder.
The point I’m trying to make here is, we all have our idiosyncrasies. For some people, it’s the way they eat all the chocolate off of the Kit Kat first. For others, it’s the way they have to vacuum the same patch of carpet during a Jazz game because that’s exactly what they were doing when Stockton hit “the shot.”
Embrace the weird. Just not all the time like the people at Wal-Mart do.
Q: What’s the deal with Hayward’s new haircut?
So many questions about hair this week!
I’m not sure what the deal is with Gordon’s new look. I got that same haircut when I was six. The girl cutting my hair was brand new and was born with only six fingers total.
Here is a list I made of some possible explanations for Hayward’s new haircut:
Truth be told, I actually prefer his current look to the shaggy look.
Thanks for the questions everybody!