Q: Just heard the Utah Jazz have no ideas for halftime acts after next week’s needlepoint demonstration. Know anyone with ideas?
I’m so glad you let me know about this! I’ll be sure to buy tickets for the game with the needlepoint demonstration halftime show; that sounds like a good one.
It kind of surprises me that the Jazz don’t have halftime acts scheduled out to the end of the season. I figured they were more organized than that. There’s nothing worse than delaying your much needed bathroom break and getting all excited for a sweet halftime show only to realize there IS no halftime show and you have to wait 15 minutes in a line to use the men’s bathroom!
As far as knowing anyone with halftime ideas, I know the perfect person and his name is yours truly. Actually, his name is Yurs Troole and he’s a Danish circus performer known for his brilliant halftime ideas. But since Yurs isn’t available, here’s a few ideas I’ve been working on:
Q: What can Gordon do to get out of his slump? Do you have any home remedies or ideas for signs we can bring to inspire him?
Well, last night against the Nuggets he looked like he is certainly heading in the right direction. It took him three quarters, but he finally looked comfortable and confident and that’s really all he was lacking, in my opinion.
I still think there are a few things he could try at home that would probably boost his energy or help with his concentration on the court. Here are a few things he could do to mix things up a little:
As far as signs you could bring to the arena, how about some of these:
There are probably other signs that would be more motivating than the ones I came up with, but it’s a start.
Q: Call me crazy, but I think Trey Burke is really tough and is working hard to get even better. When does Hayward get off IR?
Yeah, I have to agree with you about Trey. I’ve been critical of his play (as have we all) of late, but he’s put together a fairly nice string of games.
When it comes down to it, there are three things that Trey needs to do for Jazz fans to like him more:
As far as Hayward: he came off the IR before last night’s game in Denver. So, there’s no need to worry about him at all for the rest of the season and playoffs.
Q: Didn’t the term “Jazz Hands” come from the method that Mark Eaton used to block shots?
That’s 100 percent correct! Wow, you sure do know your Utah Jazz history!
Actually, us Jazz fans are still bitter about the dance industry stealing the term. Before “Jazz hands” they used to call it “wiggly bits,” which shows why they were so eager to change it.
Another not-so-well-known fact is that Mark Eaton is a terrible dancer. He was politely asked to leave most of his high school dances and later in life he broke multiple people’s noses the first three times he tried the Macarena.
Q: How does Vivint change the culture of the Jazz?
Well, it will sure make it more orange, I’ll tell you what!
Really the only thing I know about Vivint culture is that my cousin had to sleep on the floor of an apartment for a whole summer so that he could make enough money for the plane ride home.
So, in a nutshell, I would say Vivint doesn’t change the culture of the Jazz at all.
Q: Has there ever been a time in your life when you have been allowed within 400 yards of an elementary school?
Easy, my friend. That was one isolated incident and the cops even admitted they got the wrong guy.
Thanks for the questions, friends! It’s because of you guys that this mailbag is on the verge of going viral every week. Keep it up!