Here at Salt City Hoops, we’re occasionally accused of being too analytical. Basketball is a fun sport, they say, and we’re being too objective about it. Jumbo Rudding, on the other hand, is not analytical. He is zany. He is infamous for his out-of-left-field basketball jokes and opinions. We’re thrilled to have him contribute a mailbag each week on Salt City Hoops. Interested in submitting a question to Jimbo’s mailbag? Email it to Jimbo at firstname.lastname@example.org or tweet @JimboRudding to appear.
Q: Had the struggle last night where I needed to go to the bathroom, but wanted to sleep more. Thoughts on Jazz Summer League?
I have that struggle every night. I’ve decided that once you hit 30 years old, your bladder isn’t as capable of making it through the night. I’m actually thinking about learning how to insert my own catheter. I’ll let you know how that goes. Who knows, if I get good at it, I may end up teaching a community ed class.
Here are my thoughts on the Utah Jazz Summer League:
Q: What would you do to improve the “Fanfest” experience before Utah Summer League Games?
Good question! I think the Utah Jazz do a tremendous job in getting the fans excited for games and events. However, I have had some time to think about how I would spice things up a little. Here is a list of ways the Jazz could get fans even MORE excited for games and events:
Q: Was Tibor Pleiss hanging out at the Summer League? Would it be cool chilling with the gang on the 5th row as a groupie?
I didn’t see him, but that doesn’t mean he wasn’t there. In fact, if he wasn’t 7’11”, I’m not positive I would recognize him anyway. In fact, whenever his name is mentioned I always just picture someone who looks like Andris Biedrins’ little brother, which is kind of scary because last time I saw Andris Biedrins he was downtown holding a pair of those giant scissors you use to cut ribbons for special occasions and holding a sign that said, “FREE HAIRCUTS!”
I think hanging with the Jazz players would be pretty fun. They’d probably all be pretty weirded out by how many times I suggested they all come over to my place to watch Home Improvement (Season 2) and eat homemade ice cream after the game. If that didn’t bug them, then they’d REALLY hate it when I started trying to organize carpools by saying things like, “OK, I can take three in my Jetta. Alec says he can take four. Elijah, how many can you take?”
Q: Just spitballin, but 12th pick this year, no moves in the offseason. Am I crazy? Jazz have a real shot at pick 13-14 next year!? Yes!
I’m still not sure about this. I think there’s a real chance that the Jazz could be fighting for the 7th or 8th playoff spot. However, I think we are a Gobert/Hayward/Favors injury away from being in the high lottery next year too. You never know what could happen, which is exactly what my mom said when I was nine right before I tried to jump off our roof holding the patio furniture umbrella.
Q: How long do you give the broadcast team before they mess up Trey, Trey, Burke, and Burkes on the call? New nicknames?
Yeah, probably half a quarter or so. In their defense, that would get confusing pretty quickly. Maybe that’s why Bolerjack started calling Burks “Magic Man” and Burke “2-for-19.” I’ve always thought Burke’s nickname was kind of mean.
Here’s a couple of alternate nicknames for every player:
Rudy Gobert – Tall guy
Dante Exum – Heguaaah (sound he makes when breathing heavily through his mouth)
Trey Burke – Lil’ guy
Derrick Favors – Party Faves, Kinda Tall Guy
Rodney Hood – Prince of Threes, Hot Rod
Joe Ingles – Mate
Trevor Booker – The Librarian
Alec Burks – Copperfield, Alec Burps (this one only works if he burps a lot)
Elijah Millsap – Lil’ Bro
Chris Johnson – Lefty
Jack Cooley – Beast, Summer League
Raulzinho Neto – Lil’ Haul
Grant Jerrett – Who?
Trey Lyles – Big Lie (not to be confused with Derek Fisher’s nickname)
Olivier Hanlan – Olive Hands
That’s all I got this week, friends! Thanks for the questions! Call me sometime and we’ll plan a game night this week.