Jimbo’s Mailbag – Jazz 10-Day Contract Power Rankings

March 3rd, 2015 | by Jimbo Rudding
(Photo by Melissa Majchrzak/NBAE via Getty Images)

Is Elijah Millsap the Jazz’s best 10-day signing of all time?(Photo by Melissa Majchrzak/NBAE via Getty Images)

Welcome to the next edition of Jimbo’s Mailbag! At Salt City Hoops, we know that covering a losing team without any humor can be dreary. As such, we decided to add a little bit more levity to our site via Jimbo’s unique outlook on the world of Jazz basketball. Jimbo, by virtue of being recently featured in the Deseret News, is now the world’s most famous Utah-based basketball mailbag artist. Interested in submitting a question to Jimbo’s mailbag? Email it to Jimbo at mailbag@saltcityhoops.com or tweet @JimboRudding to appear.

Q: Avery Johnson sounds like a cartoon character. Any Jazz players that could voice a Saturday morning cartoon character?

@BardenPembleton

I’m going to admit something here. I don’t watch many pre- or post-game shows, so I don’t really know what a lot of their voices sound like. I know what you’re thinking. “Why doesn’t he watch the post-game shows? I thought he was a Jazz fan?” Well, I’m sorry, and I AM a Jazz fan and if any of you would like to say differently, I’m more than happy to meet you in a parking lot at dusk.

If there’s one thing I have learned about myself it’s that you should NEVER question my loyalty. I once got an employee at Kohl’s fired because I told her manager she was WAY too aggressive while asking if I wanted to join the Kohl’s Rewards Program. For some reason she took it personally when I declined and started making fun of the scarves I was wearing and also the scarves I was buying. It will be a long time before she makes fun of anyone’s style, won’t it Sharon?!

To answer the question though, I guess Gobert could be the voice of Pepe Le Pew’s older brother.

 

Q: Is it possible for the Jazz to sign hundreds of players to 10-minute contracts, to send in wave after wave of fresh legs?

@JimmerFrodette

This is a great idea. Just have 25-50 guys on the team at all times. No one gets tired. I love it.

I would LOVE it if the Jazz had some sort of promotion where if you bring in 20 cans of Coke you get to throw in an inbound pass. Actually, this one’s better—if you turn in the name and address of someone you know who owns WAY too many cats, you get to pick one item to keep from the visiting team’s locker room during the game.

When I was a young, strapping boy I used to think that if I practiced hard enough in my driveway, LaDell Andersen would drive by and invite me to play for the BYU basketball team. It all made perfect sense in my mind. LaDell would recruit me; the University admissions office would let me enroll on a technicality in the admissions application verbiage; the BYU professors would see my test scores and say things like, “We haven’t seen brilliance like this since that Doogie Howser kid;” the BYU cheerleaders would quickly fall in love with my chiseled 11-year-old frame; and Coach Andersen would love the way I accidentally called him “dad” during the games.

So, if the Jazz are going to go the “fresh legs” route, I suggest they start driving around Utah County and watching kids shoot around in their driveways.

 

Q: Hearing the Lakers may bring the captain of the Laker Girls off the bench. Then Derek Fisher would sign a contract to take her spot. What do your sources say?

@FakeReaganDiary

My sources confirm.

 

Q: Can you make the all-time Jazz 10-day contract power rankings?

@EtheRegulator

You bet! Here you go:

  1. Elijah Millsap – 2015 – Easily the best 10-day Jazz player ever.
  2. Sundiata Gaines – 2010 – The reason he is so high on this list is because of the shot. That’s it.
  3. Louis Amundson – 2007 – Solid player who has managed to stay in the league for quite a while.
  4. Othyus Jeffers – 2010 – Quick first step and also a quick two-step.
  5. Ben Handlogten – 2005 – Big dude who did a tremendous job at looking like Shooter McGavin.
  6. Blake Ahearn – 2012 – Pretty good at shooting and also…shooting.
  7. Kyle Weaver – 2001 – The only thing I remember about Weaver is watching him play and thinking, “WOW! Who is Kyle Weaver?”
  8. Mikki Moore – 2004 – Not a bad player. Had some sweet dreads. Adored the elderly.
  9. Blorf Gunderfrunt – 1982 – Complete waste of space. His teammates would call him “Barf” because they all hated the way hummed a little while he ate.
  10. Steven Portfinger – 1944 – Steve was a replacement after the boys were shipped off to war. The fans used to call him “Poopflinger” because of the bizarre manner in which he shot the ball.

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Thanks for all the questions everyone!

Jimbo Rudding

Jimbo Rudding

I am a typical Jazz fan. I think Jordan pushed off, Derek Fisher lied, Bavetta cost us at least one game in the Finals, we should have drafted Tony Parker instead of Raul Lopez, and there will never be anything better than the Stockton to Malone days. I, along with Spencer Campbell @SCampbellSBN, started the first and longest-running Utah Jazz podcast on earth. I enjoy the in-of-doors and telling people a better way of doing whatever it is they're currently doing.
Jimbo Rudding

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