Welcome to the next edition of Jimbo’s Mailbag! At Salt City Hoops, we know that covering a losing team without any humor can be dreary. As such, we decided to add a little bit more levity to our site via Jimbo’s unique outlook on the world of Jazz basketball. Jimbo, by virtue of being recently featured in the Deseret News, is now the world’s most famous Utah-based basketball mailbag artist. Interested in submitting a question to Jimbo’s mailbag? Email it to Jimbo at firstname.lastname@example.org or tweet @JimboRudding to appear.
Q: Avery Johnson sounds like a cartoon character. Any Jazz players that could voice a Saturday morning cartoon character?
I’m going to admit something here. I don’t watch many pre- or post-game shows, so I don’t really know what a lot of their voices sound like. I know what you’re thinking. “Why doesn’t he watch the post-game shows? I thought he was a Jazz fan?” Well, I’m sorry, and I AM a Jazz fan and if any of you would like to say differently, I’m more than happy to meet you in a parking lot at dusk.
If there’s one thing I have learned about myself it’s that you should NEVER question my loyalty. I once got an employee at Kohl’s fired because I told her manager she was WAY too aggressive while asking if I wanted to join the Kohl’s Rewards Program. For some reason she took it personally when I declined and started making fun of the scarves I was wearing and also the scarves I was buying. It will be a long time before she makes fun of anyone’s style, won’t it Sharon?!
To answer the question though, I guess Gobert could be the voice of Pepe Le Pew’s older brother.
Q: Is it possible for the Jazz to sign hundreds of players to 10-minute contracts, to send in wave after wave of fresh legs?
This is a great idea. Just have 25-50 guys on the team at all times. No one gets tired. I love it.
I would LOVE it if the Jazz had some sort of promotion where if you bring in 20 cans of Coke you get to throw in an inbound pass. Actually, this one’s better—if you turn in the name and address of someone you know who owns WAY too many cats, you get to pick one item to keep from the visiting team’s locker room during the game.
When I was a young, strapping boy I used to think that if I practiced hard enough in my driveway, LaDell Andersen would drive by and invite me to play for the BYU basketball team. It all made perfect sense in my mind. LaDell would recruit me; the University admissions office would let me enroll on a technicality in the admissions application verbiage; the BYU professors would see my test scores and say things like, “We haven’t seen brilliance like this since that Doogie Howser kid;” the BYU cheerleaders would quickly fall in love with my chiseled 11-year-old frame; and Coach Andersen would love the way I accidentally called him “dad” during the games.
So, if the Jazz are going to go the “fresh legs” route, I suggest they start driving around Utah County and watching kids shoot around in their driveways.
Q: Hearing the Lakers may bring the captain of the Laker Girls off the bench. Then Derek Fisher would sign a contract to take her spot. What do your sources say?
My sources confirm.
Q: Can you make the all-time Jazz 10-day contract power rankings?
You bet! Here you go:
Thanks for all the questions everyone!