Here at Salt City Hoops, we’re occasionally accused of being too analytical. Basketball is a fun sport, they say, and we’re being too objective about it. Jumbo Rudding, on the other hand, is not analytical. He is zany. He is infamous for his out-of-left-field basketball jokes and opinions. We’re thrilled to have him contribute a mailbag each week on Salt City Hoops. Interested in submitting a question to Jimbo’s mailbag? Email it to Jimbo at email@example.com or tweet @JimboRudding to appear.
Q: How come the Jazz haven’t signed anyone yet? Have you heard of any free agents the Jazz could potentially sign?
Funny you should ask that, because I’ve had my ear to the grindstone lately and have heard some pretty interesting rumors. Here is a sweet list of the latest Jazz rumors:
Those are the latest rumblings. I will let you know if I hear anything else. In the meantime, I would suggest reading other more credible media personalities.
Q: If Jerry Sloan and Quin Snyder had to ride the new Cannibal ride at Lagoon until one of them puked, who would gurk first?
Wow, great question! I haven’t been to the Lagoon amusement park lately, but I hear it’s what fun is. Does it still smell like B.O.-flavored cotton candy? I also heard that the haunted houses haven’t changed in the last 50 years. There are probably cobwebs on the fake cobwebs by now.
If I were a bettin man, which I’m not ever since I played “quarters” with a couple transients behind the RC Willey outlet store, I would put all my money on Jerry Sloan in any competition. I don’t care if it’s a Barbie-dressing competition, Jerry would give it his all and most-likely win.
That being said, I still think it would be pretty fun to watch Jerry and Quin compete against one another. If Jerry Sloan started feeling queasy, he would probably start screaming expletives at his stomach until it whipped itself back in shape. On the other hand, Quin has that death stare that would also be pretty intimidating. I don’t think either one of them would barf. I think the competition would just continue until the spectators and everyone else just got bored and left.
Q: If you were planning a barbecue and had to invite eight former Jazz players, whom would you invite and how successful would that barbecue be?
In a nutshell, not very successful at all. The reason for that is I would invite the worst former-Jazz crew I could think of and then sit back and enjoy the show from a distance.
Here is my elite-eight guest list to the most epically lame former Jazz-player barbecue of all time:
So, there you have it; the craziest barbecue involving former Utah Jazz players.
Q: Are the Utah Jazz on fleek?
What does “on fleek” even mean? I’m too old for new slang terms. I’m still trying to figure out how to use “gnarly” in a sentence so that people my age think I’m cool.
Here is a list of things I would guess “on fleek” means:
That’s all I got. Sorry for being a dumb old guy who still wears pleated pants and is trying to memorize the words to Coolio’s “Gangsta’s Paradise.”
Thanks for the questions, you guys! I hope you’re having a great summer. Stay cool!