Welcome to the next edition of Jimbo’s Mailbag! At Salt City Hoops, we know that covering a team without any humor can be dreary. As such, we decided to add a little bit more levity to our site via Jimbo’s unique outlook on the world of Jazz basketball. Jimbo, by virtue of being recently featured in the Deseret News, is now the world’s most famous Utah-based basketball mailbag artist. Interested in submitting a question to Jimbo’s mailbag? Email it to Jimbo at firstname.lastname@example.org or tweet @JimboRudding to appear.
Q: I say we could trade Elijah Millsap for a REALLY nice new washing machine. What other things could we trade him for?
Meh, I already have a washing machine. It works okay if you kick it while pushing the START button.
No disrespect to Millsap, I’m sure he is a sweetheart of a guy, but I’m not convinced he’s an NBA player. He can’t shoot. He can’t dribble. He can’t pass. Basically what I’m trying to say is he’s a slightly bigger me out there on the court. Sure, his defense is pretty good when he’s not fouling, but that doesn’t seem to be the case very often this year.
I’m just spitballin’ here, but maybe it’s time to take a closer look at some of these Millsap trade ideas:
Q: Hearing whispers Andris Biedrins is primed for a Jazz comeback. Side note, I’m sitting at a Greyhound station next to Andris Biedrins.
I wouldn’t mind seeing the “Croatian Sensation” in a Jazz uniform again. We could really use another veteran big guy off the bench and “The Big Czech” is the epitome of a “big guy off the bench.”
I’ve been told that the “Fetchin’ Chechen Wreckin-ball” is still in town and could easily be had for a couple hundred bucks and some gift cards to Fashion Place Mall. Here are some of the places he’s been spotted lately:
I would be ecstatic if we were able to pin him down somewhere and sign him for the rest of the season. He was such a glue guy in the locker room a few years ago, and by that I mean he tried to sell his Yugoslavian glue to his teammates in the locker room. It wasn’t a good way to gain the trust of the team. Dennis Lindsey was furious when he found out.
Q: Since we are on pace to finish the season with 5-6 players, do you know any guys around SLC to round out the bench?
Right?!?! These injuries are so demoralizing. Some days I can’t even get myself out of bed.
As you well know, I have an inside source in the Jazz organization who occasionally gives me some information that none of the other media are privy to. I wont get into the specifics of who it is, but let’s just say that I caught him texting while driving and I told him the cops wouldn’t hear about it as long as he gave me the inside scoop every once in a while.
So, the scoop is–the Jazz have been looking in the D-League to try and fill some spots while guys are out. Here is a list of guys they have their eye on:
The Jazz will probably just choose to weather this storm of injuries and keep the team the way it is for the time being. It is still comforting to know that there are so many capable players out there who could hold the fort.
Q: When some nobody says NBA players Trey Burke or Gordon Hayward stink, what is my justifiable reaction and what’d be too much?
Great question! I understand Jazz fans’ frustration right now because this was supposed to be the year the Jazz rose from bowels of mediocrity and became relevant again. Not only did we get a visit from the dreaded injury bug, that bug came and left giant bug droppings on our whole team.
To answer your questions though, I don’t understand why people say that Burke and Hayward stink. They’re the only ones currently keeping the Jazz’ heads above water. Sure, Burke shot the ball like a blind man last year, but this year he’s been pretty good. And Gordon Hayward started slow, but he’s been playing great as of late.
So, I would say the best reaction to fans’ overreactions would be to either punch their dads in the neck or just say, “Wow, freak out much?” But I would hesitate to listen to any advice I give because I don’t really know a ton about basketball and I’ve never kissed a girl before.
Thanks for the questions, Jimbronies! From the looks of this mailbag, I’d say 2016 is off to a great start! Go Jazz!