Get ready for the postseason stylings of our resident mailbag artist. Jimbo Rudding provides our regular dose of levity here at Salt City Hoops, and he does it by answering the burning questions to which Jazz fans just must have answers. You can submit questions to Jimbo at firstname.lastname@example.org or by tweeting to @JimboRudding.
Q: Can you predict some of the crazy things that are bound to happen during the Jazz/Clippers series?
Yes, I can. In fact, predicting what’s going to happen in the future is one of the two talents I was born with. The other is being able to eat an entire family-size bag of M&M’s in one sitting without spoiling my dinner.
Here’s what I expect to see in the Jazz/Clippers series:
There’s, like, a 110% chance that everything in this list happens during this series.
Q: What secret weapons have the Jazz been saving for the playoffs?
Honestly, I think their biggest secret weapons are two pair of healthy knees. Favors and Hood’s knees look great and ready to go. Those beautiful, luscious, healthy knees. I LOVE KNEES!
Another secret weapon could be the Jazz’es’s lack of jitteriness. Seriously, I would LOVE it if the Jazz managed to quickly get over the whole playoff nervousness after the first two minutes of Game 1. I am legit nervous about the first half of Game 1. And if I’M nervous, imagine how the Jazz players who have never been to the playoffs feel.
Q: If this Jazz roster were foods, what food would each player be?
This is the WORST question for me to answer right now, because I am STARVING. I’m craving a big bowl of coleslaw. I’ll try and push through the hunger and finish answering your question.
Here we go:
Q: What if Fisher hadn’t lied? Where would we be?
I’ve contemplated that many times throughout my life, Juan, and I keep coming back to the same answer: we’d all be Derek Fisher fans. So, really, Derek Fisher did us all a favor by lying to get out of his contracts.
The reality is, we can’t control what others are going to do; we can only control what WE do. That’s why it’s so important to correct others when we notice they’ve done wrong. Some call it “judging” or “nagging,” but I call it “rough reminding” and they need those rough reminders so that they eventually learn that they are wrong and everyone knows it. That’s the beauty of life; helping others see their wrongs and reminding them of the impact all their wrongs had on us.
(Feel free to embroider any or all of the paragraph onto a pillow.)
Q: Can the Jazz please just get lucky for once?
Here’s a list of the bad luck the Jazz have had:
I get it. Every team has injuries and no one drafts perfectly, but it’s just hard to escape your past sometimes. Like, in my neighborhood, I’ll always be remembered as “the kid who threw tons of green food coloring into the neighbor’s above-ground pool. I just need to eventually get to a point in my life where I’m fine with that, you know?
Hopefully our recent good luck (drafting Rudy Gobert, getting Joe Johnson, developing Ingles) will take us past this first round. If not, you can find me at IHOP.
Thanks for submitting questions, you guys. Remember to tell everyone in your HOA about Jimbo’s Mailbag. Tell them right before complaining about the “crazy party house” in the neighborhood. When people ask which house it is, just turn and point at yours. Make it weird.