Welcome to the next edition of Jimbo’s Mailbag! At Salt City Hoops, we know that covering a losing team without any humor can be dreary. As such, we decided to add a little bit more levity to our site via Jimbo’s unique outlook on the world of Jazz basketball. Jimbo, by virtue of being recently featured in the Deseret News, is now the world’s most famous Utah-based basketball mailbag artist. Interested in submitting a question to Jimbo’s mailbag? Email it to Jimbo at email@example.com or tweet @JimboRudding to appear.
Q: So Kanter is gone. How do you feel about that?
Yeah, let’s get right to it. It was a CRAZY trade deadline yesterday. With fifteen minutes to go before the deadline, I was convinced the Jazz weren’t making any moves. I myself was on the fence trying to decide whether or not I wanted Kanter traded.
Some of the reasons why I didn’t want Kanter traded:
Some of the reasons why I wanted Kanter traded:
Q: The NBA is cyclical. Does that mean that we will soon see the return of the short shorts? (Asking for a friend).
I doubt it. Bringing back those short shorts could result in a wardrobe malfunction that would make even Janet Jackson blush.
Just thinking about short shorts reminds me of my youth. Life was so much easier then. I NEVER worried about things like homeland security or identity theft. All I ever thought about was building a tree fort so that I could capture someone trespassing on my territory and then demand they hand over their Blockbuster card so that I could rent Die Hard without my parents knowing.
Q: If Jazz players had an eating contest, where would they go and who would eat the most?
I’m almost positive that they would go to a Chuck-A-Rama Buffet. The best thing at Chuck-A-Rama is without a doubt the bread pudding. You can taste the fresh cinnamon, you can taste the nutmeg. I could talk about the raisins all day long, but really it’s the bread that’s the secret here. The bread is fresh and it’s light. It melts away in your mouth. I like to put a little bit of ice cream on it and they I really start to dig in. Aaaahhoooohhhh, it’s SO GOOD! The choice is yours at Chuck-A-Rama!
If I were the one running this contest, I’d make the players eat the side-dish that kids always pass up and only certain elderly people are brave enough to try. Like maybe the deviled eggs that were mistakenly placed underneath a heat lamp or some pickled beets n’ corn that some kid spilled his cottage cheese into. It would be a lot of fun to have a crowd cheer them on while they all tried to gag their way to victory.
Who would eat the most? I would have to say Kendrick Perkins for sure. Although, Joe Ingles always reminds me of this kid I knew in junior high who would dig out a hole in his burrito with the handle of his fork and then pour 17 hot sauces into the hole. Once the crowd around our lunch table was large enough, he would eat the entire burrito and everyone would cheer. Ahhh, those were simpler times.
Q: Which Disney princess would you compare the current Jazz roster to?
This is a hard question to answer mostly because Disney princesses always remind me of when I had a crush on Stacy Colletti in elementary school. She was beautiful in her lite blue Jellies and her pink Disney princess backpack. But then she had to go and tell everyone that I peed my pants when really I just spilled expired apple juice on my pants and it kind of smelled like pee. I’ll never forgive her for that.
I’m going to change the question from “princess” to “Disney character” just to make it easier on myself because frankly, I like making things easier on myself and also it’s MY mailbag. You’re not the boss of me!
So, here it goes:
Thanks for the questions y’all!