Here at Salt City Hoops, we’re occasionally accused of being too analytical. Basketball is a fun sport, they say, and we’re being too objective about it. Jumbo Rudding, on the other hand, is not analytical. He is zany. He is infamous for his out-of-left-field basketball jokes and opinions. We’re thrilled to have him contribute a mailbag each week on Salt City Hoops. Interested in submitting a question to Jimbo’s mailbag? Email it to Jimbo at firstname.lastname@example.org or tweet @JimboRudding to appear.
Q: Always tough to face offseason of summer league. Any ideas to get through the next 11 months until NBA starts again?
Great question! It’s funny you should ask that, because I was just thinking how much I hate the NBA blackout months where basketball news slows down and football speculation ramps up. After the NBA schedule comes out in a few weeks, there really won’t be any Utah Jazz news until training camp starts in September. In the meantime, we get to listen to local sports talk radio break down which college football coaches wear tan khakis best or which offensive linemen could eat the most rotisserie chickens by himself. No offense to you football losers, but what a waste of radio time.
You have to keep your mind busy or you’ll spend most of every day being upset that basketball is over. Just like your kids, you may even start laying on the ground whining and complaining about being bored. Then you have to promise to take them to the splash pad later so they’ll leave you alone for a few minutes. It’s like, they don’t even appreciate that the DVR is at 97% and you have to get through six episodes of Cake Boss before you can even THINK about leaving the house.
Some activities I enjoy doing to keep my mind occupied include:
There are a few more things that I like to do, but that’s how I spend the majority of my summers.
Q: If you could put Adam Keefe’s hair (cut, color, and style) on 5 of our current Jazz players, who would you pick & why?
Oh, Adam Keefe. That guy just up and disappeared, didn’t he?
Before Dell Schanze came along and kicked that owl, Adam Keefe was considered the most famous ginger in Utah. His hair wasn’t too off-the-wall crazy. It was just a clean, conservative look, and I respect the crud out of that. In fact, he probably spent years going to into Supercuts and saying, “Give me the ‘dad’ cut!”
As far as Keefe’s hair on other players, well, here you go:
Q: Saw Rushmore of Jazz best list. Boring! Please share Rushmore picks of Jazz weasels. I’m carving Derek Fisher first. Who else?
If I could, I’d construct a Jazz weasel Mount Rushmore of just four copies of Jim Les. Ugh, I can’t stand that guy.
Here’s your Jazz weasel Mount Rushmore list:
You are correct in assuming Derek Fisher would be first on the mount. If you’re any kind of Jazz fan at all, you should know why Fisher deserves to be here. I feel like I’ve run this topic into the ground, probably because I have … multiple times. But just on the small chance there is a young Utah Jazz fan reading this, Derek Fisher weaseled his way out of several contracts. I’m expecting him to weasel out of New York pretty soon here.
Like Fisher, Mark Jackson only spent one season with the Jazz. However, during that one season Jackson was able to create some locker room drama that would make a crowd of 12-year-old girls be like, “Dang, Mark. That’s cold.” I’m not sure how in the world he thought he would be able to start in front of John Stockton. No one was going to be OK with that. Not the coach, not the front office, not the fans, and not Karl Malone.
Oh Carlos Boozer. What happened to you? We had a good thing going back in the late 2000’s and then you “heard a pop” and decided to sit out some pretty important games. Oh yeah, the fact that you weren’t endearing to fans, you didn’t have the ability to play defense, and you yelled at Memo a lot were black marks too. In my criticism of Carlos Boozer, I will always look back at his 35 points and 14 rebounds in Game 7 against the Rockets and feel ashamed of myself. However, that isn’t enough to keep him off the mount.
We all know how much Jazz fans love defense. So, when you don’t play defense, it’s hard to win over hearts in SLC. Sadly, that is only ONE of the reasons Kanter deserves a spot on the mount. Another thing that Jazz fans love is loyalty. Let’s be honest: we Jazz fans have an inferiority complex. We have a hard time when free agents don’t want to play here because our Targets close at 10 p.m. and our dance club only plays Roxette. But we have a harder time when players DO play here, demand a trade, GET traded, and then come back and diss everything except for our moutains. Guess what, Enes? EVERYONE likes our mountains!
Every time I make a list like this, someone always asks me why I didn’t add so-and-so and I feel really dumb. So, who did I miss?
Q: Rumor has it Tibor Pleiss is going to be money. Like serious Euros and Pesos. Any other fresh Jazz rumors you are hearing?
I am pretty excited to see what Quin Snyder can do with Tibor Pleiss, or “Big Toblerone,” as I like to call him. I assume because of his size alone that he will play some significant back-up minutes next season. Then again, if Trevor Booker and Trey Lyles play well, Snyder could elect to go small. I guess what I’m trying to get at here is that I don’t really know what’s going to happen. I can’t see the future. There was a time a few months ago after I hit my head in my garage where I thought I could predict the weather, but I lost whatever that was after a few days.
Here is yet another list of some of Jazz rumors I’ve been hearing lately:
Those are all the rumors I’ve heard lately. Like I said, you don’t really hear much until September.
Thanks for the questions, you guys! Remember, tell your friends and family about the mailbag and let’s see if we can get it mentioned on the news or The Bachelorette or whatnot.