Welcome to the next edition of Jimbo’s Mailbag! At Salt City Hoops, we know that covering a losing team without any humor can be dreary. As such, we decided to add a little bit more levity to our site via Jimbo’s unique outlook on the world of Jazz basketball. Interested in submitting a question to Jimbo’s mailbag? Email it to Jimbo at firstname.lastname@example.org or tweet @JimboRudding to appear.
Q: What sanctions should NBA brass enact on Laker fans for chanting “M-V-P” as Kobe steps to the line with a 5-16 record?
Kobe Bryant, I’m convinced, needs to be visited by the ghost of Christmas future to see what life will be like when he retires. He would soon realize that the only people who will want to hang around him are his kids (until they’re old enough to “get it”) and waitresses. It’s crazy how one minute you’re the best basketball player in the world and the next minute you’re eating Lean Cuisine and watching Wheel of Fortune in the dark.
Kobe actually reminds me a lot of my Uncle Dale. That guy is still trying to play the trumpet at the family Christmas party even though he lost two and a half fingers trying to fix his deck with a jigsaw. Just like Laker fans keep pretending that Kobe is going to take the team to the Finals, my family just goes on pretending my Uncle Dale’s trumpet-playing is beautiful and his deck looks great even though it sounds awful and there’s jagged edges and blood stains all over the railing.
As for what the NBA should do to the fans chanting “M-V-P” every time he touches the ball? Well, maybe they should monitor their trades and make sure they are horrible for 2-6 seasons. See what I did there?
One thing’s for certain though. Kobe probably shouldn’t live in Colorado when he retires.
Q: Do you think the reason why Trey Burke had such a bad start to the year was because John Lucas III was his mentor last season and getting all those bad habits out takes some time?
– Colton Dale
Thanks for the question Colton!
I absolutely believe that Trey’s bad/mediocre start is all Lucas’ fault. I mean, look at all the things he taught Trey last year:
That’s quite a list of bad habits that Trey will have to purge from his being. Believe me, it’s going to take time. Fortunately for Jazz fans, we have all the time in the world.
Q: Have you ever interviewed a Jazz player before? I seem to remember a pretty sweet D-Will interview you did once.
YES! I’m so glad you remembered that!
I must confess though. That interview wasn’t an ACTUAL interview in the sense that we didn’t really sit down and talk face to face. It was just an “imagined” interview, meaning I thought about how an interview with D-Will would go and then I conducted it in my head (that’s where I do most of my interviews).
Here’s a little excerpt:
ME: Deron! Thanks for being willing to sit down with me and talk about your career and whatnot.
DW: My pleasure.
ME: Is it?
ME: Great. – So, why are you so mad all the time?
DW: I guess I go into game-mode where I just try and get out there and–
ME: [interrupting] No, I don’t mean when you’re playing. I mean in general. I’ve seen you in public and at autograph signings and you always seemed so disgusted. What are you so upset about?
DW: Uh, …I don’t know. I guess it all started when they cancelled Arrested Development.
ME: I KNEW IT!!! I totally understand how you feel now.
ME: So, remember how Future Shop let you unwrap and listen to a CD before you actually bought it?
DW: Yes. That was pretty sweet.
Again, this is only a small section of the 16-hour interview. I’ll see if maybe I can post the whole thing sometime in the future.
Q: Tap dancing middle aged sisters for the halftime show and we can’t get Jimbo Rudding in there? C’mon!
Thanks for the halftime love, Sam! I work VERY hard in my garage perfecting each halftime act idea. You would be amazed how many hula hoops and Frisbees I have in there.
Each week I send priority mail a list of my new halftime act ideas addressed to Randy Rigby at the Energy Solutions Arena. Here is a list of a few of the ideas I’ve had recently:
Thanks everyone for the questions!