Jimbo’s Mailbag – More Halftime Show Ideas, Kobe MVP Chants, & More

One of Jimbo’s NBA-approved halftime show ideas. (Photo by Richard Rowe/NBAE via Getty Images)

Welcome to the next edition of Jimbo’s Mailbag! At Salt City Hoops, we know that covering a losing team without any humor can be dreary. As such, we decided to add a little bit more levity to our site via Jimbo’s unique outlook on the world of Jazz basketball. Interested in submitting a question to Jimbo’s mailbag? Email it to Jimbo at mailbag@saltcityhoops.com or tweet @JimboRudding to appear.

Q: What sanctions should NBA brass enact on Laker fans for chanting “M-V-P” as Kobe steps to the line with a 5-16 record?

– @the6bees

Kobe Bryant, I’m convinced, needs to be visited by the ghost of Christmas future to see what life will be like when he retires. He would soon realize that the only people who will want to hang around him are his kids (until they’re old enough to “get it”) and waitresses. It’s crazy how one minute you’re the best basketball player in the world and the next minute you’re eating Lean Cuisine and watching Wheel of Fortune in the dark.

Kobe actually reminds me a lot of my Uncle Dale. That guy is still trying to play the trumpet at the family Christmas party even though he lost two and a half fingers trying to fix his deck with a jigsaw. Just like Laker fans keep pretending that Kobe is going to take the team to the Finals, my family just goes on pretending my Uncle Dale’s trumpet-playing is beautiful and his deck looks great even though it sounds awful and there’s jagged edges and blood stains all over the railing.

As for what the NBA should do to the fans chanting “M-V-P” every time he touches the ball? Well, maybe they should monitor their trades and make sure they are horrible for 2-6 seasons. See what I did there?

One thing’s for certain though. Kobe probably shouldn’t live in Colorado when he retires.

Q: Do you think the reason why Trey Burke had such a bad start to the year was because John Lucas III was his mentor last season and getting all those bad habits out takes some time?

– Colton Dale

Thanks for the question Colton!

I absolutely believe that Trey’s bad/mediocre start is all Lucas’ fault. I mean, look at all the things he taught Trey last year:

• To be not good at basketball.
• To take a swing at a guy on the other team if you are losing by 30.
• To dribble into three guys.
• To dribble off your leg a lot.
• To dribble off your foot a lot.
• To be the guy on the court who looks like one of the ball boys playing.
• To be not a great passer.
• To be pretty not great at basketball.

That’s quite a list of bad habits that Trey will have to purge from his being. Believe me, it’s going to take time. Fortunately for Jazz fans, we have all the time in the world.

Q: Have you ever interviewed a Jazz player before? I seem to remember a pretty sweet D-Will interview you did once.

– @Mikeyvp

YES! I’m so glad you remembered that!

I must confess though. That interview wasn’t an ACTUAL interview in the sense that we didn’t really sit down and talk face to face. It was just an “imagined” interview, meaning I thought about how an interview with D-Will would go and then I conducted it in my head (that’s where I do most of my interviews).

Here’s a little excerpt:

ME: Deron! Thanks for being willing to sit down with me and talk about your career and whatnot.

DW: My pleasure.

ME: Is it?

DW: Yes.

ME: Great. – So, why are you so mad all the time?

DW: I guess I go into game-mode where I just try and get out there and–

ME: [interrupting] No, I don’t mean when you’re playing. I mean in general. I’ve seen you in public and at autograph signings and you always seemed so disgusted. What are you so upset about?

DW: Uh, …I don’t know. I guess it all started when they cancelled Arrested Development.

ME: I KNEW IT!!! I totally understand how you feel now.

DW: …

ME: So, remember how Future Shop let you unwrap and listen to a CD before you actually bought it?

DW: Yes. That was pretty sweet.

Again, this is only a small section of the 16-hour interview. I’ll see if maybe I can post the whole thing sometime in the future.

Q: Tap dancing middle aged sisters for the halftime show and we can’t get Jimbo Rudding in there? C’mon!

– @SamJud_17

Thanks for the halftime love, Sam! I work VERY hard in my garage perfecting each halftime act idea. You would be amazed how many hula hoops and Frisbees I have in there.

Each week I send priority mail a list of my new halftime act ideas addressed to Randy Rigby at the Energy Solutions Arena. Here is a list of a few of the ideas I’ve had recently:

• I enter arena dressed like Jeremy Evans and dragging one of those Little Tike hoops behind me. I then commence doing some of the sickest dunks anyone has ever seen. Even the players, coaches, and refs come out early just to watch.
• I and 4-8 of my friends enter the floor on roller skates and skate-dance to the Xanadu soundtrack. During “I’m Alive,” one of my large, female friends spins around and then does the splits and everybody in the audience isn’t sure whether it was an accident or intentional because of all the screaming. This one lasts approximately 42 minutes, so I would most-likely have to get special permission from Adam Silver beforehand.
• A kangaroo comes out on the floor and it is so real-looking that everyone can’t decide whether it is me in a kangaroo suit or an actual kangaroo let loose in the arena. The girl who always walks around the court taking pictures of everything gets a little too close and the kangaroo kicks her. By this time, everyone is like, “Yep, it’s a real kangaroo all right.” A couple guys who have experience with wildlife jump on the kangaroo to prevent it from hurting others while a few off-duty nurses tend to the photographer. (This one is still a work in progress).
• Frank Layden and I sing a duet of that “Route 66” song. I sing the “Get your kicks on” part and then point to Frank and then he sings the “Route 66” part. We sing the song three times, but on the second and third time through, we change the lyrics to be about the dangers of gastric bypass surgery. In the third time through, Frank sings about how to properly store your lawn furniture for the winter. I show obvious signs of irritation during the third song, but don’t worry. It’s all part of the act. This act is kind of like killing two birds with one stone because it’s both entertaining and informative.
• I’m working on one where I and a few other guys from high school do a rendition of that “Cups” song, except using those big 55-gallon drums. It’s sounding great so far. None of my neighbors have complained about our practicing yet.

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Thanks everyone for the questions!