Welcome to the next edition of Jimbo’s Mailbag! At Salt City Hoops, we know that covering a team without any humor can be dreary. As such, we decided to add a little bit more levity to our site via Jimbo’s unique outlook on the world of Jazz basketball. Jimbo, by virtue of his recent feature in the Deseret News, is now the world’s most famous Utah-based basketball mailbag artist. Interested in submitting a question to Jimbo’s mailbag? Email it to Jimbo at firstname.lastname@example.org or tweet @JimboRudding to appear.
Q: Did you learn at the doTerra convention which oils will help prevent future Jazz injuries? Is the magic spray an essential oil?
As most of you already know, the Utah Jazz decided to schedule a Young Living Essential Oil shindig at the arena instead of being proactive and scheduling their yearly NBA draft party months in advance. Jazz fans had to party alone at home, just like we all used to do in high school.
Well, I wouldn’t accept that. I’m a traditionalist. If something messes up my routine I can’t forget about it. It’s not in my make up.
So, I decided to attend the oil event and watch the draft at the arena. The way it should be and has been for the last decade or so. I didn’t care if I was the only Jazz fan there surrounded by middle-aged women throwing oil at each other. I was going to party like it was 2016 and there was an NBA draft to be watched!
I entered the arena wondering if these ladies were going to accept me as their own or run me out of town. I was prepared to defend myself and my Jazz fandom at all costs. I was ready for a war no matter how oily it got.
To my surprise, all the oil women (except for one; see the next question) were very accepting and pleasant to be around. They welcomed me with open oils and were quick to offer suggestions on how I could improve my posture and skin tone. I graciously declined their invitations to participate in the convention and found a spot in the arena to set up my portable TV and tiny satellite.
As the oil show went on, I found myself half-listening to the speakers more and more and by night’s end I was full-on participating in the event. I joined a group of amazing, intelligent, and ambitious women and we discussed everything from traveling to laundry. They taught me so much in the short time that we were together, including which oils go best with stress, webbed toes, and overall feelings of inadequacy. I, in turn, taught them about Bird rights, NBA draft fashion, and how to properly hedge the pick and roll.
I’ll never forget those ladies. It was an amazing night full of love, laughs, and learning. I wish them all the best and am pushing for them to get their numbers up by end of year!
To answer your question:
Q: What were Sharon’s thoughts on the Draft?
You’re talking about the Sharon that I met at the Young Living oil event at Vivint’s Energy Arena last night? Well, I hesitate to bring any of this up because I can only assume Sharon is a nice woman who was just stressed about her numbers or was just having an all-around rough night.
SIDE NOTE: Isn’t it strange how every woman named “Sharon” has short hair and is always complaining about how she doesn’t have enough time to get all her errands done?
Anyway, back to your question–Sharon was really the only one I met who wasn’t a complete joy to talk to. She seemed annoyed with my being there in general. She told Carol that she thought my Jazz attire was inappropriate for the occasion and that my portable TV was turned up “way too loud.”
She became more agitated when after every pick in the draft I would yell, “Wow, didn’t see THAT coming!” It was around pick #22 when she told Security that I was being a nuisance. I explained to the Vivint Solutions Security that I had paid my $200 entry fee just like everyone else and I deserved to sit and enjoy the convention just as much as the next oiler.
She eventually took the high road and moved to the other side of the arena where she could hear better. On her way out she told me that basketball is stupid. To which I said, “Honey, I’m a Jazz fan. I completely agree with you.”
Q: How many point guards is ACTUALLY too many point guards?
A team of all point guards would be pretty fun to watch. Just shooting threes, out-running everybody, and only getting to long rebounds.
I feel like I may have had this idea before, but what about a basketball league of guys who are six feet and under? I’d watch it.
Or wait. What about a league made up of people who claim to have seen a real life mermaid? I’d be happy to play in that league. My friend always says it was just a cluster of branches, but I KNOW WHAT I SAW, STEVE!
There’s no way the Jazz hang onto all 26 of their point guards. I’m guessing since Hill can play some 2-guard, the Jazz could potentially have Hill, Exum, Neto, and Mack on the team for the start of the season. That’s one more point guard than the Jazz usually have on their roster, but if they can’t get any free agent wings to sign, I wouldn’t rule out all four having a spot.
However, you have to take into account that I’m not an expert at putting a team together and I don’t even know what a “free agent” is.
Q: Who are some undrafted players the Jazz may consider bringing in for camp?
Glad you asked!
Here is a list of the ones my sources are telling me have been invited so far:
I’m excited for Summer League. Hopefully I get lucky and am able to meet these guys in person.
Q: Are we getting the nose to the grindstone George Hill or suave frosted tips George Hill?
I don’t care which George Hill we get so long as he doesn’t get injured and gets us 7–12 more regular season wins.
Now, with that out of the way, I want to go on record here and say that I’ve done a lot of things in my life that my ancestors are probably extremely ashamed of, but I have NEVER frosted my tips. In fact, I don’t remember it even crossing my mind as an option.
Whew, I’m feeling pretty good about myself now… Ugh, wait, never mind. I just remembered the time in junior high when I grew out a rat tail and did the Motown Philly dance at the school talent show.
Thanks for the questions, you guys! Remember to tell all the Trents and Stacys in your life about Jimbo’s Mailbag. Do it while dressed up as the Planters peanuts guy. Make it weird.