Jimbo’s Mailbag – NBA Draft and Essential Oils

June 24th, 2016 | by Jimbo Rudding
Photo from youngliving.com, of course.

Photo from youngliving.com, of course.

Welcome to the next edition of Jimbo’s Mailbag! At Salt City Hoops, we know that covering a team without any humor can be dreary. As such, we decided to add a little bit more levity to our site via Jimbo’s unique outlook on the world of Jazz basketball. Jimbo, by virtue of his recent feature in the Deseret News, is now the world’s most famous Utah-based basketball mailbag artist. Interested in submitting a question to Jimbo’s mailbag? Email it to Jimbo at mailbag@saltcityhoops.com or tweet @JimboRudding to appear.

Q: Did you learn at the doTerra convention which oils will help prevent future Jazz injuries? Is the magic spray an essential oil?

@Chief_Baconator

As most of you already know, the Utah Jazz decided to schedule a Young Living Essential Oil shindig at the arena instead of being proactive and scheduling their yearly NBA draft party months in advance. Jazz fans had to party alone at home, just like we all used to do in high school.

Well, I wouldn’t accept that. I’m a traditionalist. If something messes up my routine I can’t forget about it. It’s not in my make up.

So, I decided to attend the oil event and watch the draft at the arena. The way it should be and has been for the last decade or so. I didn’t care if I was the only Jazz fan there surrounded by middle-aged women throwing oil at each other. I was going to party like it was 2016 and there was an NBA draft to be watched!

I entered the arena wondering if these ladies were going to accept me as their own or run me out of town. I was prepared to defend myself and my Jazz fandom at all costs. I was ready for a war no matter how oily it got.

To my surprise, all the oil women (except for one; see the next question) were very accepting and pleasant to be around. They welcomed me with open oils and were quick to offer suggestions on how I could improve my posture and skin tone. I graciously declined their invitations to participate in the convention and found a spot in the arena to set up my portable TV and tiny satellite.

As the oil show went on, I found myself half-listening to the speakers more and more and by night’s end I was full-on participating in the event. I joined a group of amazing, intelligent, and ambitious women and we discussed everything from traveling to laundry. They taught me so much in the short time that we were together, including which oils go best with stress, webbed toes, and overall feelings of inadequacy. I, in turn, taught them about Bird rights, NBA draft fashion, and how to properly hedge the pick and roll.

I’ll never forget those ladies. It was an amazing night full of love, laughs, and learning. I wish them all the best and am pushing for them to get their numbers up by end of year!

To answer your question:

  • To prevent injury, the ladies told me to mix Bergamot with celery seed, rub it on the elbows and kneecaps, and then scream, “INJURIES AWAY!” at the closest mailman.
  • The magic can spray, I found out, is just eucalyptus mixed with a little basil and peppermint, which surprisingly is almost exactly what comes on the vegetable penne at Olive Garden.

 

Q: What were Sharon’s thoughts on the Draft?

@SamJud_17

You’re talking about the Sharon that I met at the Young Living oil event at Vivint’s Energy Arena last night? Well, I hesitate to bring any of this up because I can only assume Sharon is a nice woman who was just stressed about her numbers or was just having an all-around rough night.

SIDE NOTE: Isn’t it strange how every woman named “Sharon” has short hair and is always complaining about how she doesn’t have enough time to get all her errands done?

Anyway, back to your question–Sharon was really the only one I met who wasn’t a complete joy to talk to. She seemed annoyed with my being there in general. She told Carol that she thought my Jazz attire was inappropriate for the occasion and that my portable TV was turned up “way too loud.”

She became more agitated when after every pick in the draft I would yell, “Wow, didn’t see THAT coming!” It was around pick #22 when she told Security that I was being a nuisance. I explained to the Vivint Solutions Security that I had paid my $200 entry fee just like everyone else and I deserved to sit and enjoy the convention just as much as the next oiler.

She eventually took the high road and moved to the other side of the arena where she could hear better. On her way out she told me that basketball is stupid. To which I said, “Honey, I’m a Jazz fan. I completely agree with you.”

 

Q: How many point guards is ACTUALLY too many point guards?

@MikeCHowarth

A team of all point guards would be pretty fun to watch. Just shooting threes, out-running everybody, and only getting to long rebounds.

I feel like I may have had this idea before, but what about a basketball league of guys who are six feet and under? I’d watch it.

Or wait. What about a league made up of people who claim to have seen a real life mermaid? I’d be happy to play in that league. My friend always says it was just a cluster of branches, but I KNOW WHAT I SAW, STEVE!

There’s no way the Jazz hang onto all 26 of their point guards. I’m guessing since Hill can play some 2-guard, the Jazz could potentially have Hill, Exum, Neto, and Mack on the team for the start of the season. That’s one more point guard than the Jazz usually have on their roster, but if they can’t get any free agent wings to sign, I wouldn’t rule out all four having a spot.

However, you have to take into account that I’m not an expert at putting a team together and I don’t even know what a “free agent” is.

 

Q: Who are some undrafted players the Jazz may consider bringing in for camp?

@drawsmalls

Glad you asked!

Here is a list of the ones my sources are telling me have been invited so far:

  • Yi Zouh (University of Express) – Yi is almost a clone of Yao Ming, except he’s moodier and has red hair. He’s a great defender who prides himself on his ability to shut down the guy he’s guarding and also prides himself on his ability to recite the Preamble to the Constitution from memory. He has impeccable hygiene and is always very punctual.
  • Gavin Thromp (Worcestershire College) – Gavin is an albino from the backwoods of New Mexico who first learned to play basketball when he was two months old. He has a standing reach of 9 feet 9 inches, which is a full three inches higher than a human has ever reached before. Legend has it, when Gavin was 13 years old he once smacked an adult Giraffe in the face at the zoo.
  • Chesters Randels (Rhode Island State IUPUI) – Chesters lets his game do the talking mostly because he bit his own tongue off after a bunk bed accident when he was four and now is incapable of speaking. Today, the way he communicates is through a little person named Don. Don and Chesters are so close and have been friends for so long that it’s almost like they finish each other’s sentences…except that Chesters doesn’t speak so Don starts and finishes both of their sentences.
  • Merv Mervenson (Dave’s School) – Despite being born with 16 fingers on each hand, Merv is just a so-so ball handler. He rebounds very well both athletically and romantically, and he’s had some devastating break-ups in the past. What he lacks in ball handling he makes up for in piano playing and juggling.
  • Broth Crumbs (Pillsbury State College) – “BC,” as his friends call him, has — believe it or not — never ridden in a car before. He grew up on a farm and got around town by riding a horse ironically also named Broth. He’s a terrific passer who sees the court very well ever since he got Lasik last year. Tons of scouts say that Broth has potential to be an all-star in a year or two.

I’m excited for Summer League. Hopefully I get lucky and am able to meet these guys in person.

 

Q: Are we getting the nose to the grindstone George Hill or suave frosted tips George Hill?

@JimmerFrodette

I don’t care which George Hill we get so long as he doesn’t get injured and gets us 7–12 more regular season wins.

Now, with that out of the way, I want to go on record here and say that I’ve done a lot of things in my life that my ancestors are probably extremely ashamed of, but I have NEVER frosted my tips. In fact, I don’t remember it even crossing my mind as an option.

Whew, I’m feeling pretty good about myself now… Ugh, wait, never mind. I just remembered the time in junior high when I grew out a rat tail and did the Motown Philly dance at the school talent show.


Thanks for the questions, you guys! Remember to tell all the Trents and Stacys in your life about Jimbo’s Mailbag. Do it while dressed up as the Planters peanuts guy. Make it weird.

Jimbo Rudding

Jimbo Rudding

I am a typical Jazz fan. I think Jordan pushed off, Derek Fisher lied, Bavetta cost us at least one game in the Finals, we should have drafted Tony Parker instead of Raul Lopez, and there will never be anything better than the Stockton to Malone days. I, along with Spencer Campbell @SCampbellSBN, started the first and longest-running Utah Jazz podcast on earth. I enjoy the in-of-doors and telling people a better way of doing whatever it is they're currently doing.
Jimbo Rudding

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