Jimbo’s Mailbag – New Alternate Jazz Uniforms

February 5th, 2016 | by Jimbo Rudding
Trey Lyles dunking has many similarities to Jimbo's Mailbag. (AP Photo/Rick Bowmer)

Trey Lyles dunking has many similarities to Jimbo’s Mailbag. (AP Photo/Rick Bowmer)

Welcome to the next edition of Jimbo’s Mailbag! At Salt City Hoops, we know that covering a team without any humor can be dreary. As such, we decided to add a little bit more levity to our site via Jimbo’s unique outlook on the world of Jazz basketball. Jimbo, by virtue of being recently featured in the Deseret News, is now the world’s most famous Utah-based basketball mailbag artist. Interested in submitting a question to Jimbo’s mailbag? Email it to Jimbo at mailbag@saltcityhoops.com or tweet @JimboRudding to appear.

Q: Who would win in a fight:  you or Jody Genessy? Be honest.

@JazzProtector

The answer to this question is…neither of us. Jody and I are lovers, not fighters….wait, that came out wrong. What I meant was we BOTH are lovers…nope, let’s see…he and I are lovers. ……….OK, well now he probably DOES want to fight me.

If I’m being honest, which I am, Jody is one of the nicer guys you’ll ever meet. He is the triple threat: good writer, good facial hair, and good singer. Seriously, if I had had just ONE of those things going for me in high school, I probably would’ve been asked to at least one girl’s choice dance and Matt Chatman and his friends maybe wouldn’t have duct-taped me to that lunch lady’s car.

The point is, Jody is a great guy and I would like to take this opportunity to formally announce that I will never in my lifetime fight Jody Genessy. However, I WILL be obliged to defend myself should certain situations arise like if Jody attacks me because of this mailbag or if run into Matt Chatman at the bank or something.

 

Q: Imagining various scenarios on draft day. Am I happier with pick #14 or reflecting on a first round playoff sweep?

@the6bees

This is a great question! With the barrage of injuries so far this season and Gordon Hayward and Rodney Hood’s slow starts I’ve actually given this a lot of thought. I decided that before I can choose which option would be the best for the franchise, the roster, and my fandom, I first need to list all the benefits of each option.

So, here we go. Here are the benefits of making the playoffs and then getting swept in the first round:

  • Gain playoff experience
  • 99.8% more ESPN time because the Jazz would be playing the Warriors
  • Jazz players and coaches can observe what it will take to win a playoff series
  • Extra Jazz basketball in the Viv
  • The experience of the playoffs
  • More opportunity to purchase delicious concession nachos
  • Nationally televised games
  • Additional revenue for the franchise
  • Players get to know what the playoffs are like
  • More money for parking lots, scalpers, and Crown Burger
  • Oh yeah, also, what about playoff experience?

Pros for not making the playoffs and being in the lottery again:

  • Slight chance that the Jazz win the number one pick and get a Shaq or LeBron-type franchise player
  • Higher draft pick
  • Possibility of drafting another young player with TONS of potential who still won’t be good for another three to four years
  • Not many more benefits left
  • Yep, that’s all the benefits
  • Not being in the playoffs is lame

I’ve come to the conclusion after compiling the above lists that even another sweep in the playoffs is better than being in the draft lottery again. The reason being is that the Jazz have been in the lottery. In fact, the Jazz even WON the lottery back in 2011 when they were able to freeze their ping pong balls enough to land the third pick in the draft that year. That was good enough to select the mountain-loving, defensive juggernaut that was Enes Kanter. We all remember how well that went.

For my concluding argument, unless the Jazz win the number one pick and select Ben Simmons and Simmons impacts the league in his first year similar to what LeBron did, it still delays the overall progression of the franchise. By the time this year’s lottery pick is a good player, Hayward, Favors, and Hood could be long gone and we’d be back to square one.

Do I think the Jazz can win a title with the current roster? No. Do I think the Jazz can obtain the 4th seed or higher with the current roster? Not this year. Do I think the Jazz could eventually get a high playoff seed and win a few playoff serieses’ses’ by adding a couple key pieces? Yes. Do I love asking myself questions and answering them? YES! Do I think people have even made it this far into the mailbag? Hopefully. Tweet me the type of car the Gnome-Mobile was in the movie “The Gnome-Mobile” if you’ve made it this far and I will RT and follow you.

 

Q: If basketball weren’t invented yet, what would Gobert dominate? My cobbler says cheesemaker cuz he’s French.

@JimmerFrodette

Your cobbler is pretty spot on. I don’t know why, maybe it’s the ignorant and uneducated side of me, but I always assumed the only occupations available for French kids were cheese-maker, painter, or mime. That can’t be true, right? See, this is when media-driven stereotypes can really bite you in the butt if you’re not careful.

Gobert seems like the kind of guy who’d be pretty great at whatever he puts his mind to. Given his giant frame alone he can already excel at being a tree-trimmer, tall cheese-maker, painter without the need of a ladder, and giant mime. That’s a pretty amazing advantage over the rest of us, no matter what country you’re from, if you ask me.

 

Q: Jazz need to get ahead of the curve with alternate uniforms. Long sleeve/PJ look is tired. How about wrestling singlets?

@SpamIsDelish

Another great observation from Spam!

Listen, I’ve spent some valuable think-time on this as of late and I totally agree with you on this. I’m not sure about wrestling singlets (I mean, we want to be able to still bring our families to games), but there is a definite need to spice up the Jazz uniform game.

The thing I don’t understand is why do the Thunder, Lakers, Warriors, and Heat get 75 different alternate uniforms? What makes them so special? Also, why do the Jazz only have the white, blue, and if one of the equipment guys decides to do laundry that month, the green ones? Also, why did I think performing a hip hop dance with my yo-yo at the high school talent show would convince Hannah Sampson to go out with me? She never even attended those things. She was too cool for talent shows and pep rallies and things like that. I don’t know. I guess I figured that maybe word would get back to her and she’d ask for an encore in the school hallway a few days later. Instead, word got back to Matt Chatman and then he gathered his friends who later duct-taped me to the vending machine by the lunchroom.

…anyway, back to the uniforms.

Why can’t the Jazz have 75 alternate uniforms? If for some reason the powers that be decided it was time, here are a few suggestions I would have for the uniform designers:

  • A dark blue one with just the Jazz note on the front.
  • A dark purple one with “Jazz” in yellow.
  • A white one with a giant saxophone on the front with fire coming out of the bell (that’s the bottom-horn part; I looked it up).
  • A dark white one with a silk-screened photo of the time Larry Miller dressed in a Jazz uniform.
  • A blue, white, yellow, and red striped one with a weird hat and… wait, that’s Hot Dog on a Stick.
  • A silver one with black Jazz lettering on the front and tiny LED lights that go off when someone dunks or makes a three-pointer.
  • A singed one that looks like it was in a fire but smells fine except for one. That one smells a lot like peaches for some reason.
  • A nude colored one with Jazz lettering also in nude.

 

Q: Durant to the Warriors? I think that Durant to the Jazz makes more sense. Who should the Jazz pursue in free agency this offseason?

@JazzManZach

I don’t understand why big-name players don’t come to smaller markets. Why isn’t franchise stability, front office experience, and beautiful scenery just as attractive as a history of titles, the abundance of easy women, and very clean tattoo parlors?

In any case, here is my 2016 free agent wish list (in order):

  1. Kevin Durant – Could you imagine Durant at the three and Hayward at the two with Hood coming off the bench? That will NEVER happen… or will it??? Yeah, probably not. But it could.
  2. Bradley Beal – I have a feeling this dude is going to blow up next year. Some would say he has already blown up and to those people I would say just wait till next year when he REALLY blows up.
  3. Harrison Barnes – I like this kid. Plus, his name’s Harrison. If he can have a name like that and still be successful, he can do anything.
  4. Nicolas Batum – This guy can either give you great length on defense and consistent scoring or he can give you 22 games played in a season before breaking/tearing something important.
  5. Courtney Lee – I don’t even know much about this guy except that he has a nice jump shot and always seems to cause trouble when the Jazz play him. Good enough for me. Sign him up!
  6. Greivis Vasquez – I like this kid. His name is fun to say and I think he’d be a pretty good backup to Dante Exum if the Jeff Teague trade nonsense doesn’t happen.
  7. Jorgic Stoyokic – I think he plays for either the Nets, Nuggets, or Rockets. He’s big, has a shaved head. Ring any bells? Anyway, he’ll be good.

———————-

Thanks for the questions, you guys! Listen, I got myself into a little gambling pickle and I’m gonna need all of you to tell your aunts and uncles about Jimbo’s Mailbag so I can get my analytics up. When you tell them, incorporate the word “scamper” into the conversation. Make it weird.

Jimbo Rudding

Jimbo Rudding

I am a typical Jazz fan. I think Jordan pushed off, Derek Fisher lied, Bavetta cost us at least one game in the Finals, we should have drafted Tony Parker instead of Raul Lopez, and there will never be anything better than the Stockton to Malone days. I, along with Spencer Campbell @SCampbellSBN, started the first and longest-running Utah Jazz podcast on earth. I enjoy the in-of-doors and telling people a better way of doing whatever it is they're currently doing.
Jimbo Rudding
Jimbo Rudding

Latest posts by Jimbo Rudding (see all)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *