Here at Salt City Hoops, we’re occasionally accused of being too analytical. Basketball is a fun sport, they say, and we’re being too objective about it. Jumbo Rudding, on the other hand, is not analytical. He is zany. He is infamous for his out-of-left-field basketball jokes and opinions. We’re thrilled to have him contribute a mailbag each week on Salt City Hoops. Interested in submitting a question to Jimbo’s mailbag? Email it to Jimbo at firstname.lastname@example.org or tweet @JimboRudding to appear.
Q: What are your 2015-2016 season predictions?
Great question! With training camp less than three weeks away, I guess it IS time to make my preseason predictions public (alliteration).
I actually have a good streak going. I just went back and checked and my last 73 predictions have been correct. Hopefully I can keep the streak going.
Without further adeauxiouxeau, here are my 2015-2016 season predictions:
Q: Have you ever tried out for the Jazz team, dunk team, or cheer squad? If not, why? If so, how’d it go?
I have never “officially” tried out for any of those teams, but I HAVE muttered, “Pfft, I could do that” to myself during their performances plenty of times. I’m not sure if I actually COULD do any of the things the dunk team or cheer squad do, but I DO think it would be fun to chuck a tiny girl as hard as I could into the air and see if I can catch her. The girl would have to by young and athletic though, not old and frail like the Asian woman I practiced on a few years ago.
I have allegedly been plagued by a false sense of ability ever since I was in elementary school. When I moved to Utah in 1980, I told all the kids in 2nd grade that I was California Tetherball Champion even though I had never even seen a tetherball before. I have what my shrink calls the “Dunning–Kruger effect.” It’s where a relatively unskilled individual mistakenly thinks their ability to perform tasks is much greater than it really is. I’m not convinced that’s what I have, though. In fact, I could diagnose people way faster than my doctor can. In fact, in med school they used to call me “Doctor Diag-yes” because I would diagnose people so fast.
Q: Is anybody on the Jazz worthy of a 2015 Chappys award?
Chappy! You, my friend, are a gentleman (not quite a scholar yet; keep hittin those books) and have quickly become a star in Utah social media and I respect the crud out of that. I was so ecstatic when I found out I had won my Chappy award last year that I told everyone in my family about it. It took roughly seven hours to explain it to my 88 year old grandma, but I think she finally got it. At least she stopped calling Twitter, “Tweety.”
If I were in charge of giving out the Utah Jazz-related 2015 Chappy Awards, these would be my winners:
Q: I’d like to know the best way to deal with the super sweaty guy who defends way too aggressively?
I know exactly who you are talking about. Every pick-up game has at least one of these guys. He’s always a chubby guy who doesn’t get back on defense and insists on shooting threes. Also, besides the abundant amount of sweat he also has some funky B.O. I’m not talking about the, ”Wow, that guy needs a shower-B.O.” I’m talking about the “I could track his shot-chart by using only my sniffer-B.O.” I’m talking about the, “My wife’s thinking about leaving me-B.O.” It’s disappointing. You know what I mean?
There are a bunch of ways to deal with this type of guy. Here are a few things that I have tried that have worked:
There may be better ways to deal with this, but these are the ones that have worked for me. I’m generally not a mean person, but I think there are so many hard things we have to do in life and making your armpits NOT stink shouldn’t be one of them.
Q: What’s the over/under on the number of Chinese symbol tattoos on David Locke?
You gotta love David Locke. That dude works tirelessly to give us as much Utah Jazz coverage as is humanly possible. Another thing I love about him is that he is a Jazz fan and doesn’t apologize for it. He is a member of the media, but at times you can tell it is hard for him to separate his job and his fandom. I love that.
It wouldn’t surprise me at all to find out that he has a Jazz tattoo. I’m going to guess he has three of them. I’m guessing he has:
Thanks for the questions everybody! It’s AWESOME to think that we are all creating a better world for our children one sweet mailbag at a time! Congrats!!!