Welcome to the next edition of Jimbo’s Mailbag! At Salt City Hoops, we know that covering a team without any humor can be dreary. As such, we decided to add a little bit more levity to our site via Jimbo’s unique outlook on the world of Jazz basketball. Jimbo, by virtue of being recently featured in the Deseret News, is now the world’s most famous Utah-based basketball mailbag artist. Interested in submitting a question to Jimbo’s mailbag? Email it to Jimbo at email@example.com or tweet @JimboRudding to appear.
Q: Could they give a healthy D-Leaguer’s MCL to Rudy? I seen stuff like that in car racing. If not, what good are they up there?
I too have thought about this. In fact, I even called my family practitioner and asked if an MCL transplant was even possible. He said that even if you could find the right donor, Rudy would still be out the rest of the season after the transplant. He said that the Jazz need to be patient and to just give it time and it should heal fine. Then I said that the Jazz are a borderline playoff team and can’t afford long stretches of time without Rudy. Then he said, “I’m sorry, but that’s just the reality of the situation.” Then I said, “There HAS to be something you can do, right?” He then said, “I’m not a knee surgeon and I don’t even work for the Jazz, so I really can’t do anything. I’m sorry.” Then, regrettably, I got super frustrated and let my emotions get the best of me and started saying things that weren’t true about how one time I had strep throat and the Amoxicillin he gave me didn’t work and how his wife told me once that she had to learn to love him because she never really found him all that attractive. He didn’t really say much after that, which made me even more angry, and right before I hung up I yelled, “Ok, well HAVE A NICE DAY, McDREAMY!”
Do any of you out there have a good family doctor that you like? Preferably one who knows a lot about knees?
It’s hard to know what to think because the Jazz looked pretty good without Rudy against a good Indiana team. But during the Orlando and Sacramento games it looked like we needed Rudy more than ever. Then during the New York game it looked like the Jazz could’ve won with Gordon Hayward, me, and a couple of my overweight friends. See what I mean? It’s like a rollercoaster where the track is the season and the coaster is the Jazz and we’re all passengers. Does that analogy even work?
I hope Coach Snyder can find a way to stay above water until Rudy and Dante get back next week.
Q: Are you stoked for the all-star game?
Ugh, the only thing worse than Jim Les’ playing career is the NBA All-Star game. I understand that it’s a break in the season and it rewards good players and the game is for us fans and yadda yadda. But the whole thing’s pretty much just a no-defense dunk-fest. Don’t get me wrong, I like dunks just as much as the next guy, but I don’t watch basketball for the dunks. I watch basketball for the referees.
Think about it. The dunk contest, or whatever they’re calling it these days — Sprite Dunkers Show, Johnson & Johnson Tomahawkers, Kellogg’s Monster Jammers — is all about who can bring out a celebrity, costume, or animal and surprise the crowd the most. The dunks (if they are even made) are then voted on by some NBA has-beens who I think should be embarrassed that they’re even participating. They vote by holding up some arbitrary number so that we all know that the reverse jam off the corner of the backboard was just an 8 and NOT a 9. The dunker lost points because the dunker’s costume was lame and a camel was needlessly injured during the dunk.
The best thing the NBA did was allow for fans to send in their votes for the final dunk-off. At least now we can give our opinion about which giant shoved a ball through a ring the best.
The only thing about the all-star festivities that I enjoy, besides that it gives me the opportunity to say the word “festivities” a lot, is the three-point shooting contest. I don’t remember what they call it now — Dorito’s Heavers Challenge, PetSmart Downtown Shooters, Chevy Long Ball Swishers — I just think it’s cool to watch great shooters shoot. But then they start the skills challenge and they have players pass a ball through a tire and I’m like, “I already saw all this when I watched Friday Night Lights!”
So, am I stoked for the All-Star game? Sure, I guess.
Q: Remember when the Jazz had a point guard who averaged ten assists or more every game?
Ha! Yeah, those were the days. I really hope Dante Exum can turn into that guy eventually. I actually think that if Coach Snyder gave Neto more minutes he could, in time, turn into a good distributor. I don’t know if he would average 10 assists a game, but it wouldn’t surprise me if he did.
Even though the Jazz have been passing the ball better this year, I’m not a big fan of the “assists by committee” thing. I AM a big fan of Elijah Millsap passing the ball though. So there’s that.
Q: Lakers list Kobe out with gout, arthritis and yeast gut. Don’t you think MJ would’ve played through it?
It is well known in my group of friends that I do not like Kobe Bryant. I never have. There’s just something about him… actually no, there’s everything about him. He’s conceited and arrogant and narcissistic and other words my thesaurus didn’t have. During his interviews he always has this demeanor; like he knows a secret and the secret is that everyone else is an idiot except for him.
I know there are some Kobe fans out there who would say, “You just hate him because he beat your favorite team all the time.” To those people I’d say, “If you love Kobe so much then why are you wearing a Warriors jersey?” The fact is, he DID beat my favorite team a lot and yes, that DOES contribute to my dislike. You know what, though? I’m okay with it. Life’s too short to not dislike someone you’ve never met. You all should try it sometime. It’s very cathartic.
Now let me say, I DO appreciate Kobe’s basketball skills. He has thrown a ball through a circle in some amazing ways throughout his career. I just don’t care for him as a person. Here, let me count the ways:
Sorry. I got a little sidetracked there. To answer your question — yes, MJ would’ve played through it.
Thanks for all the questions this week, you guys! It’s crazy how both Jimbo’s Mailbag AND Jimbo went viral this week! I’m on antibiotics, so I’m getting better, but the mailbag is NOT on antibiotics and is only getting stronger!