Welcome to the next edition of Jimbo’s Mailbag! At Salt City Hoops, we know that covering a team without any humor can be dreary. As such, we decided to add a little bit more levity to our site via Jimbo’s unique outlook on the world of Jazz basketball. Jimbo, by virtue of being recently featured in the Deseret News, is now the world’s most famous Utah-based basketball mailbag artist. Interested in submitting a question to Jimbo’s mailbag? Email it to Jimbo at firstname.lastname@example.org or tweet @JimboRudding to appear.
Q: Thoughts on the new Jazz unis?
My first thought when I saw the new uniforms was, “Huh? New uniforms?” The second thought I had was, “Kevin Durant is gonna look killer in these!” Then, my third thought was, “These have the potential to convince some of those former Laker fans that are now Warrior fans to become Jazz fans.” Fourth thought, “Please let this be the year they start selling Jazz capes!”
Overall, I’m cool with the new Jazz uniforms. I have a few issues with a couple things, but they’re a definite improvement from any of their mountain designs. Really, ever since they changed back to the note design I haven’t had a lot of complaints.
Here is just a short list of some of the tiny issues I had with the new uniforms:
To be honest, I think the Jazz uniform designers did a stand-up job. They should be publicly recognized or given medals or something. I wouldn’t hesitate to give them some of my old 5K medals. Not the 10K ones though. I worked hard for those.
Q: Who’s the coolest guy in your office? Do you have an office? Or a job? (besides your important efforts on Twitter, of course)
This question has inspired me to play a little game. It’s called “Six Lies and a Truth.” I’m going to list seven occupations and you guess which one is real. Sound like fun? Well, fine, then maybe next time YOU pick the game!
First let me get a few things out of the way — yes, I have a job AND an office. That is, if you call the cab of a custom-built 18-wheeler an “office.”… or is that a lie? Yep, it’s a lie. I’ve actually never ridden in an 18-wheeler… even though I manage a whole fleet of them… actually, no, that’s also a lie. SO many lies and the game hasn’t even started yet!
OK, here we go. Remember, don’t take this too seriously. The point is to have fun. Here’s the list:
OK, so did you guess which one was true? If you guessed number 3, then you were wrong. Actually, they’re all wrong. I don’t share personal information on the internet and I advise you all do the same.
Q: If we see anyone wearing an old Jazz uniform, are we supposed to boo them relentlessly the entire game?
I mean, you aren’t REQUIRED to do that, but it would definitely help rid the state of prior Jazz jersey mistakes.
We’re all human. We’d all like to forget about our prior mistakes and missteps and the Jazz franchise is no different. For me, I would pay anything to be able to forget about the time I got so nervous on a first date that I talked non-stop about those souvenir keychains you get with your name on them and then for some reason couldn’t stop burping. That’s a whole different mailbag though.
I just perused the Utah Jazz website and found a list of instructions for properly disposing of your old Jazz memorabilia. It says that if you own a purple road jersey from the 90’s you are supposed to burn it immediately. To properly dispose of all other outdated Jazz memorabilia, they advise you to follow the steps below:
***Listen, I know this is probably the weirdest thing you’ve ever read in Jimbo’s Mailbag, possibly the weirdest thing you’ve ever read period, but just remember that nobody’s perfect. We’re all in this crazy life together, so why not relax and enjoy it?***
Q: Assuming Gail consulted you regarding the new Jazz secondary logo, how did your concept(s) look?
I’ve never actually met Gail Miller in real life, but something tells me she knows who I am. In fact, I hesitate to say this, but sometimes I feel like the Jazz are spying on me to steal my ideas. The evidence has been piling up for at least a decade.
Check this out:
Like I said, too many coincidences. I hope I get to one day meet Gail. She seems awesome!
Q: Gonna be fun when Kevin Durant is on the Jazz and he’s doing this for us next year in the playoffs, am I right?
Yes, I agree. That WILL be fun! We should definitely plan on that happening.
From what I’m hearing, Durant to the Jazz actually IS becoming more and more of a possibility each day. I probably shouldn’t be divulging this information, but I know a guy who’s a HUGE Thunder fan and he promised me that he’d try to get Durant’s phone number so that I can call him and ask him to fly out here this summer and spend some time letting me show him around our fine state. I can’t promise that he’ll for sure come and visit, but the Thunder fan seemed to be very confident in his abilities to attain information. Plus, he spent close to a decade in jail for starting a Ponzi scheme, so he can be pretty convincing .
When Kevin Durant comes, I’m going to make sure that he sees only the best parts of Utah. I promise you all that he won’t set foot in the north Orem area or anywhere south of Payson.
But it’s not the cities that make Utah great; it’s the people. And that’s why I want him to get out in the community and meet his future neighbors and friends. Here is a short list of just a few of the special people I’d like to introduce him to:
There are a handful of other people I’d like Kevin to meet, but I don’t want to overwhelm him. Don’t worry, you guys. I’ll read his facial expressions and body language to gauge when he’s had enough.
Q: If Gail asked you to run a summer camp for all the Jazz players, what sorts of activities would you plan for them?
First and foremost, I would thank Gail for giving me the opportunity to showcase my skills and talents through summer camp activity planning. I would promise her that every single player would leave my camp with enhanced people skills, a renewed vigor for life, and a closeness that can only be experienced after one of my camps.
That being said, the entire camp would probably just be centered around a whole bunch of trust falls. Don’t get me wrong, there would be plenty of personal sharing time and my kitchen staff would feed them well, but the main idea of the camp would be trusting others to catch you.
We’d have so many trust fall activities that at the end of the camp, none of the players would even think about locking their cars at the arena ever again. Seriously, there’d be so many falls that some of them will fall asleep during the trust fall falls.
Thanks for the questions, you guys. Remember to tell your bosses about Jimbo’s Mailbag. Do it right after asking to go home early because you have “Whoops-ing Cough” and then refuse to go into more detail. Make it weird.