Jimbo’s Mailbag – Utah Jazz Practical Jokes

March 27th, 2015 | by Jimbo Rudding
(Photo by Melissa Majchrzak/NBAE via Getty Images)

(Photo by Melissa Majchrzak/NBAE via Getty Images)

Welcome to the next edition of Jimbo’s Mailbag! At Salt City Hoops, we know that covering a losing team without any humor can be dreary. As such, we decided to add a little bit more levity to our site via Jimbo’s unique outlook on the world of Jazz basketball. Jimbo, by virtue of being recently featured in the Deseret News, is now the world’s most famous Utah-based basketball mailbag artist. Interested in submitting a question to Jimbo’s mailbag? Email it to Jimbo at mailbag@saltcityhoops.com or tweet @JimboRudding to appear.

Q: Were you able to see the winner of the Jazz talent search in the game the other night? What can YOU balance on YOUR chin?

@UGottaLovItBaby

Q: Could you land the halftime gig if you balanced a jukebox playing Tina Turner’s “Simply the Best” on your chin?

@PappaRoost

Two questions on the same subject?! This is awesome! The chin-balancer must have really left an impression on everybody. I wasn’t able to witness it live, but I heard a lot about Mr. Magnifi-chin by searching some very dark corners of social media. Apparently some middle-aged dude can balance a bunch of stuff on his chin? Big deal! I can balance my grandpa on my chin while HE balances various large objects, including:

  • A step ladder
  • A VERY full recycle bin
  • A case of Fuji apples
  • A 24-pack of Diet Coke with Lime
  • My Uncle Dale’s disgusting La-Z-Boy
  • My Uncle Dale
  • 46 reams of paper
  • (My all-time favorite) A 60-inch TV that is plugged in and showing a rerun of Perfect Strangers.

I do have to admit that balancing a jukebox would be tough. Even if I WAS able to do it, I’m fairly certain the Simply the Best song would cause me to lose my focus. The only reason I know that is because one time in 1997 I was balancing my grandpa while he was balancing a boom box and the song “Run-Around” by Blues Traveler came on and my grandpa lost his balance. He ended up breaking a hip and a couple of ribs. Luckily, I escaped the accident with only a dislocated chin.

Rehab didn’t take long and before you knew it, grandpa and I were back at it. Grandpa is 98 now, so he can’t balance any of the big objects anymore. However, two years ago when grandma passed away, there was only one pallbearer. It was majestic watching grandpa balance the casket from the hearse to the burial plot. My eyes were misty as I watched my performing partner give one last beautiful tribute to grandma.

 

Q: What’s more embarrassing, Trey Burke shooting 4-22 against the T-Wolves or my mustard-colored Girbaud jeans in high school?

@Big_Unit35

This is a great question. Some of the things that Trey did in that game the other night were inexcusable. The last shot was one of the most bone-headed things I’ve ever seen anyone in a Jazz uniform do. You take a 40-footer with 2 seconds left? C’mon Trey, you expect me to drive home safely after that???

In Trey’s defense though, Hayward was out with an injury and for some reason we weren’t getting the ball into Favors, so really Burke was our number one scoring option.

There is something obviously wrong with paying $120 for pants, though. I should know because I owned some forest green ones back when I thought Stacy Peretti would make out with me if I had cool pants and I grew a rat tail. Man, I loved those pants. We had the best times together.

Because Trey’s performance was the worst in franchise history, I’m going to have to go with that being the most embarrassing of the two. However, Girbaud should also be ashamed of themselves.

 

Q: With April Fools right around the corner, what practical jokes can we expect from the Jazz locker room?

@agreenhalgh28

Maybe that game against the Timberwolves was a practical joke on us fans? I mean, they were the second-worst team in the league and only had seven available players. That HAD to be a practical joke. Ha ha, you got us, Jazz players. Good one!

I know these aren’t jokes in the locker room, but here are some practical jokes I would LOVE to see from the team:

  • Dante Exum going hard to the rim and actually attempting a shot. Ha ha! That would be hilarious!
  • Eli Millsap finishing a fast break. Got ya!
  • Joe Ingles and Trey Burke have a game where they don’t attempt a jump-pass and throw the ball away. Psych!
  • Trevor Booker makes all his free throws. You got pranked!
  • Concessions are half off next year. Owned!
  • Quin Snyder towel-whipping all the ball boys while making his “Satan face.” Punked!

 

Q: How will you know when flavored Oreos have gone too far?

@shanedcox

How will I know or how will we as a society know? I don’t eat a lot of Oreos, so I’m not really sure what flavor options are out there.

If you ask me, I would say Oreos peaked at Double Stuf. Once you’ve had the double, the normal Oreos seem too bland/healthy. Triple Stuf would be WAY too much Stuf. Therefore, the Double Stuf should be THE Oreo and call it a day.

Here are some flavors I would recommend:

  • Jalapeno Oreos
  • Fig Newton Oreos
  • Bath Salts Oreos
  • Cheesecake Oreos
  • Hostess Donettes Oreos
  • Paste for Kids! Oreos
  • Snozberry Oreos

You know who SHOULD eat some Oreos to gain weight this summer is Dante Exum and Rudy Gobert. I call them the “Castaway Brothers” because their frame looks like what mine would if I were lost at sea for 30-40 days. It looks like they lost all their baby weight and never gained their toddler weight.

I’m a patient fan, though, I know they’re both young and their physique will change over time. After all, our bodies are constantly changing. But, that’s getting into an entirely different topic.

——————–

Thanks for the questions, you guys. Also, thanks for reading this mailbag in its entirety!

Thanks to Basketball Reference for the historical perspective on Trey Burke’s shooting night.

Jimbo Rudding

Jimbo Rudding

I am a typical Jazz fan. I think Jordan pushed off, Derek Fisher lied, Bavetta cost us at least one game in the Finals, we should have drafted Tony Parker instead of Raul Lopez, and there will never be anything better than the Stockton to Malone days. I, along with Spencer Campbell @SCampbellSBN, started the first and longest-running Utah Jazz podcast on earth. I enjoy the in-of-doors and telling people a better way of doing whatever it is they're currently doing.
Jimbo Rudding

3 Comments

  1. Steve says:

    Caramel Chipotle Oreos!

  2. “Mr. Magnifi-chin” > I like it, but middle-aged? ;-) …www.chinbalancing.com

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