Welcome to the next edition of Jimbo’s Mailbag! At Salt City Hoops, we know that covering a team without any humor can be dreary. As such, we decided to add a little bit more levity to our site via Jimbo’s unique outlook on the world of Jazz basketball. Jimbo, by virtue of being recently featured in the Deseret News, is now the world’s most famous Utah-based basketball mailbag artist. Interested in submitting a question to Jimbo’s mailbag? Email it to Jimbo at firstname.lastname@example.org or tweet @JimboRudding to appear.
Q: What does the Stars halftime line up look like? I need to know before I buy my season tickets.
Halftime is by far my favorite subject to talk about, so thanks for the question, Phelps.
I’m so excited for the Salt Lake City Stars season! The Utah Jazz’es’s new D-League team is gonna be the talk of the town. And when I say “town” I’m talking about Taylorsville, because the Utah Jazz will be the ACTUAL talk of the town on their run to the Western Conference Finals this season. At least, that’s what the experts on the Wide Wide World of Webs are saying will happen. And they’re NEVER wrong.
I don’t have the Stars halftime lineup for the entire season yet, but what I CAN give you are a few of the halftime suggestions I recently gave to a bunch of people at a family reunion I stumbled into while practicing tumbling alone at the park. They were an extremely nice family. Even though I didn’t know any of them, all I had to do was go up to a lady with a clipboard, tell her I was with Kevin, and she gave me a t-shirt and signed me up for the volleyball tournament. Some lady named Diane made some killer potato salad too!
Your question inspired me. I think I’m going to head up to Salt Lake Community College next week to see if I can corner Steve Brown and run some halftime ideas by him. Maybe some, or all, of these:
Q: What do the players talk about in the locker room and on the bus when they are by themselves?
Great question!… and I don’t mean great question as in I don’t know the answer. I mean, great question because I DO sort of know the answer. For instance, one time I stood by Gordon Hayward and Jeremy Evans at a community event and they were talking to each other, but the only thing I could hear is one of them saying the word “mauve” a lot. Anyway, I desperately wanted to talk to both of them so I just sort of edged my way inbetween them and said, “Are you serious?!” as if I had heard and been a part of their conversation the whole time. They didn’t respond, but I thought it was pretty awesome just to be that close to them and feel like one of the guys.
Even though I couldn’t hear what it was they were saying, I like to think it was something rad like maybe how awesome it is that they can afford to rent out skating rinks and hire teens to push them around on hotel luggage dollies anytime they want.
I’ve never been in the locker room with the players, but if I had to guess, they probably talk about stuff like:
Q: In what game do you think the Jazz will wear their new sleeved uniforms first?
Well, looking at the schedule, I don’t think they’d be bold enough to wear them the first game against Portland. They’ll probably want to break them out when we fans least expect it, so I’m going to bet they wear them Friday, November 4th against the Spurs.
If I’m right, you owe me a $100 gift card to Banana Republic.
Q: What are the official Jimbo predictions for the season?
OK, let’s get right into it. Here are my predictions for the 2016–2017 Jazz season:
Q: If the Jazz had to change their name, what are some suggestions you would have?
Hmmm, I like the “Jazz” so I don’t think I’d be in favor of that. But since you asked, I guess I’ll give it my best shot:
Thanks for all the questions, you guys! Remember to send a letter to your senators and congressman telling them about Jimbo’s Mailbag. Maybe go ahead and throw a handful of grass clippings in the envelope before you send it. Make it weird.