Q: Last year I checked mock drafts three to four times a day during the season. This year, with about the same record, I haven’t looked. Why is that?
I know what you mean. I think it’s because last year we KNEW the Jazz would lose a ton of games and this year we HOPED the Jazz wouldn’t lose a ton of games. Just give it some time. Once March Madness begins, you’ll be checking fairly regularly just like the rest of us.
One of my favorite things about the draft is making up names of foreign players just to see if my casual-Jazz-fan friends will repeat them while talking to other people about the draft. I’ll say things like, “Chad Ford is saying that Jaroslav, that giant Slovakian guard, could sneak into the lottery.” Or I’ll say, “That Egyptian power forward–Akhenaten I think is his name–has great footwork.”
I like to be extremely vague about it and, when possible, throw the blame back at the internet by saying things like, “I don’t know though, it’s hard to know how good a player is when all you see are grainy, 30-second highlights on YouTube.”
Back in 2004, I had a few friends convinced that Morvis Klachtza from Greece was an extremely athletic small forward, but just needed to work on his shot a little bit. A few of them even yelled out his name at the Jazz Draft Party right before the Jazz announced they were taking Kris Humphries. I look back at that as one of the highlights of my life.
I even have some friends who are still mad that the Jazz took Eric Maynor in 2009 because they had their heart set on Diedrich Geschwoundt, a 7’8” German center whose nickname was “The Spine from the Rhine.” Just last week I told them I heard Geschwoundt was playing in a Jamaican league.
Q: Do you think the Jazz will have a contest to help name Favors’ and Hayward’s babies? What names would you choose?
This is a GREAT idea! The Jazz could have a night where the first 1,000 people at the door get to submit a name and both Gordon and Derrick have to pick from only those names. …hold on. I’m going to call the ESA and see what they think about this.
…okay, I’m back. They said they’ll “think about it.” So, that’s when I said, “Think about it!? That’s what my mom used to say to me when I’d ask her if she could take me and my friends to play laser tag.” To which they said, “Look, sir, naming a baby is a personal decision between the child’s parents and the Jazz franchise typically doesn’t get involved…” Then I cut her off and said, “No, YOU LOOK! If you’re not going to take what could be the greatest idea in franchise history and run with it, then the least you could do is start giving away those mints at the door again!” Then, she hung up on me. Oh well. I tried.
If I were Gordon, and the baby were a boy, I would name it “Bruce.” Mostly because I have never in my lifetime met a baby named Bruce and doing so could prove to be a life-changing experience for many people. It would at least be something to journal about… if you keep a journal, that is.
If I were Gordon, and the baby were a girl, I think I’d go with “Carol.” The Haywards look like folks who would have a “Carol” somewhere in their family tree who they could honor by naming a baby after.
If I were Derrick, and the baby were a boy, I would name it “Tyreese.” Mainly because Tyreese just died on The Walking Dead and I thought it was an extremely emotional episode.
If I were Derrick, and the baby were a girl, I’d go with “Debbie.” Maybe we could call her “Lil’ Debbie”…and now I’m hungry for Nutty Bars.
Q: Is Jimmer shooting 20% because he’s distracted by your tweets begging for an RT?
No way, man! If anything, I’m the one who’s been suffering from Twitter-writer’s block since he followed me. It’s been brutal lately. I was first blocked by Isaiah Thomas and then I started tweeting Wesley Matthews about putting my fake pets in precarious situations. I mean, that’s just lazy tweeting on my part. I need to just refocus and step up my game. I expect better than that. Jimmer expects better than that.
Q: Bigger waste of God-given gift: Dante’s refusal to ever sprint or Koufos not being a Friar every Halloween?
Ha ha! The Koofer™ being a friar for Halloween would be amazing. You have to hand it to the guy; he sure is staying strong with that balding denial. I have a friend who looks JUST like the Koof Koof™ and it’s hilarious to me that he still tries to “style” what little hair he has in front. It’s like watering your sidewalk; it does no one any good.
That being said, I’m really surprised at the kind of player Kofo™ has become. After the Jazz traded him, I figured he wouldn’t last long in the league, but he’s been playing well for a pretty good Memphis team. Good job, Koustaf™!
Now, Dante refusing to sprint/take it to the rim is one of the most frustrating parts of this season so far for me. Why not just try and turn the corner and go to the basket and just see what happens? Who knows, maybe you’ll get lucky. Which, ironically, is the same thing my grandpa said to me when he heard I had asked a girl to the junior prom.
I know the argument is that Dante isn’t strong enough yet and he’s only 18 and we don’t want him to get hurt and we don’t want to hinder his development and blah blah blah yadda yadda yadda. That’s all flapdoodle! Which is also what my grandpa said to me after and I told him I didn’t “get lucky” after returning from the prom.
What better way to learn the NBA game than by taking chances? Maybe explore what your boundaries are now so that you know exactly what to work on in the offseason?
Although, what do I know? I’m no basketball coach. I’m just a guy who writes the word “flapdoodle” on the internet.
Q: Trey says he is fine coming off the bench. Do you get the feeling he sleeps on Transformers bed sheets?
Do I get the feeling? Imagining Trey lying down in Transformer bed sheets is how I fall asleep every night.
Thanks for the questions everyone!