Here at Salt City Hoops, we’re occasionally accused of being too analytical. Basketball is a fun sport, they say, and we’re being too objective about it. Jumbo Rudding, on the other hand, is not analytical. He is zany. He is infamous for his out-of-left-field basketball jokes and opinions. We’re thrilled to have him contribute a mailbag each week on Salt City Hoops. Interested in submitting a question to Jimbo’s mailbag? Email it to Jimbo at email@example.com or tweet@JimboRudding to appear.
Q: When you and John Crotty go to Chuck-A-Rama, what does his first plate usually consist of? How about his last plate?
John Crotty. Now there’s a name I haven’t thought about for a minute. Crotty looked like a guy you would either watch play basketball or watch try and figure out why your furnace is making that loud clicking noise.
If I didn’t have the internet and was strictly going off of memory, I would guess that Crotty had the following four separate stints with the Jazz:
Now, after perusing the internet, I was surprised to find out that Crotty went undrafted and had an 11-year NBA career. That’s pretty impressive when you consider Adam Morrison was drafted third overall and ended up playing in only 161 NBA games. However, Adam Morrison DOES win the contest for grossest facial hair ever.
Also, Crotty only played for the Jazz twice, 1992–1995 and then again from 2000–2002. So, I guess I was dead wrong about his NBA stints with the Jazz. Although I did check his Wikipedia page and it looks like he is a whiz at fixing furnaces. Good looking, good at basketball, and good at furnace repair. The original triple threat!
Oh, and his first plate would consist of a salad with TONS of beets and his last plate would have 17 scones.
Q: Would we all love LeBron James so much if he looked like Wilford Brimley? Call me crazy, I’d love him more.
I’ve tried so hard over the years to hate LeBron. I just can’t do it anymore. That doesn’t mean that I’m going to buy his jersey and start trying to go bald or anything. What it DOES mean is I’m not going to hate him just because he’s good at basketball. If he were playing in the Western Conference and had knocked the Jazz out of the playoffs multiple times then I would probably have to rethink that. For now, though, I’ll remain quietly indifferent.
When it came to Jordan and Kobe, I could feel the hate flow through me like a Sith Lord watching the first battle of Geonosis. Ha, not that I know what that battle is or even what it meant for the overall morale of the rebel alliance. Only a NERD would know that and bullies cured my nerdery with swirlies years ago.
I agree with you about loving LeBron more if he looked like Wilford Brimley. It would be awesome to see LeBron out there playing in a flanel and work boots and getting his mustache caught in the net. It would also be amazing to see all the little kids in awe of his game and wishing he was their grandpa.
I love Wilford Brimley. He will always be Pop Fisher to me.
*****First one to tweet me and tell me what movie the character Pop Fisher is from will get an RT and also the rest of my Parmesan Chicken from Applebee’s that’s been in my fridge since Tuesday.*****
Wilford looks like the type of grandpa who would take his grandkids to a matinee and blame his diabetes for being too cheap to spring for popcorn.
Q: Did you hear that career backup PG Mark Jackson got fired and his rookie replacement took the team to the Finals? Thoughts?
Poor Mark Jackson. Always the backup, never the bride.
In an effort to get to know Mark a little better, I looked up some facts about his life and was pretty surprised at what I found. Check this out:
I believe that Mark Jackson will coach again. He has a good understanding of the game and seems to enjoy the NBA spotlight. It will be interesting to see how far this rollercoaster ride of a career goes.
One thing I learned while researching Mark is that no one is immune to mistakes. All we can do is our best.
Q: I ran into Jerry Sloan at a Great Clips on a discounted haircut night. Would you expect anything else?
This makes total sense. He probably brings the coupon in every time, even though they never ask for it. I would bet some of my own money that Jerry has absolutely no idea how much money he even has.
Kudos to Jerry for sticking with the same haircut his whole life. He really hasn’t strayed at all. He probably goes to that same Great Clips every month and just says, “The regular, Cheryl.” Then Cheryl is secretly upset because her name is really Carol and Jerry still hasn’t figured that out. No matter how many times she says, “It’s Carol, Jerry,” he just acts annoyed that it’s taking her so long to start cutting.
During a haircut in early 1993, Carol made the mistake of rounding the back instead of squaring it the way Jerry always requested. When she held up the mirror for Jerry to see, he yelled, “D&%$# Cheryl!” and stormed out without removing his cape. Jerry eventually brought the cape back and apologized for his outburst and they have been good friends ever since. In fact, Jerry served as a shoulder to cry on when Carol’s husband left her for a woman he met while trying to sell his banjo at a pawn shop.
If you enjoyed reading about the adventures of Jerry and Carol, please see all previous Jimbo’s Mailbags.
Q: I think the Jazz could consider drafting Hope Solo as a third rim protector. What do you think?
Hope Solo? You mean Han Solo? Yeah, um…that guy doesn’t exist. It was a movie. Looks like someone needs a swirly! :)
I do agree with you that the Jazz need a third rim protector. I’m hoping they can figure out how to get Tomic over here. From what I hear he is a pretty great passer and an okay scorer. You can’t have too many of those types.
Thanks for all the questions, you guys! Hope you’re getting some good pics of the kids running through sprinklers. See you next week!