Jimbo’s Mailbag – Tony Bradley Facts, Cleaning up for LeBron & More

Tony Bradley (via slcstars.com)

Following an NBA team should be fun, and Jimbo Rudding makes sure it is. Jimbo provides our regular dose of levity here at Salt City Hoops, answering reader questions with his signature blend of creativity, humor and unabashed fandom. You can submit questions to Jimbo at mailbag@saltcityhoops.com or by tweeting to @JimboRudding. Can I get an RT for that?

Q: When his majesty King James signs with the Jazz next year, how much will prices go up to cover his hourly wage? I can only stretch my nacho budget so far. Just wonder if it will be worth it.

@the6bees

I assume you mean game ticket prices, right? I guess you could be talking about jerseys… or maybe you’re talking about bottled water prices? To answer the question, yes, prices will definitely go up.

Your question got me thinking—we as a fan base, and as a state for that matter, have A TON to do before LeBron signs with the Jazz this summer. I’ve taken the liberty of listing a few of them here:

• Figure out if we’ll have enough cap space to re-sign Dante Exum and Derrick Favors.
• Identify and sign a reliable back-up center.
• Give the arena a really thorough once-over and make sure there aren’t any extra Gordan Giricek jerseys or photos in any of the closets.
• Concentrate on picking up trash in parks and city streets.
• Weed-eat most of our freeway exits.
• Run a comb through some of our elderly’s hair.
• Find something to preoccupy Super Dell Schanze for the duration of LeBron’s Jazz career.
• Maybe brainstorm ideas for a new state flag.
• Change into some pants that DON’T have holes in the knees so that we can have pride in our appearance.

I kind of went on a tangent there. Sorry about that. I would definitely eat as many nachos as you can, because come July, nachos will be super expensive… and they’ll be not-chos.

Q: What Jazz player would make the best NASCAR driver?

@Cutch_22

Sorry Cutch, I’m not schooled on the ins and outs of NASCAR. However, I have been on a long car ride before and do understand how to turn left, so… maybe I AM an expert at NASCAR?

To answer your question, I’d have to say Zach Guthrie. From what I know, Zach is very intelligent and is looking forward to ninth grade next year. Ha ha, no, that’s just a dig on how young he looks. I did some research and Zach is actually in his early 60s. It’s pretty incredible how a human can look that good this late in life. Must be the Honey Bunches of Oats or something.

Q: Taking my son to his maturation program. Which Jazz coach past or present would give the best birds and the bees talk?

@BardenPembleton

When it comes to “the talk,” it’s really all about making your son comfortable. If it becomes an uncomfortable or extremely awkward talk, he’s less likely to come to you later in life for advice…actually, what do I know? I didn’t even kiss a girl until Hurricane Charlie… and that was for all the wrong reasons.

I like this question, though. Every young boy deserves to know exactly why hair is growing in strange places and why their body won’t stop sweating. Boys should all understand that it’s normal to be attracted to their teachers (especially the ones with gray hair). They needn’t worry if Jessica Braithwaite refuses to make out with you, even though you know all the words to the songs from West Side Story…… wow…. ok… this got a little personal……. my apologies.

Ty Corbin. Ty Corbin would give the best birds and bees talk.

Q: Has Gordon Hayward called Gail yet?

@Chief_Baconator

Sadly, no. He’s not good at that kind of thing.

Q: I’ve been hearing rumblings about Dante Exum playing tomorrow. Are they true? Or was it the Taco Bell I had for lunch?

@CollinS69

Well Collin, tomorrow is here and the rumblings were not legitimate. For that, I apologize. It must’ve just been Taco Bell again. It gets to the best of us. Absolutely no one is immune to the Taco Bell rumblings.

I WILL say this—keep trusting the rumblings, Collin. They’re usually never always wrong.

Q: Does it bother you that Rodney Hood suddenly knows how to use the social media?

@kelibark

Keli, YES! I thought the same exact thing. Rodney hardly ever tweeted or Instagramed while with the Jazz and then he gets traded to LeBron’s team and suddenly he’s Kimmy Cardashigan???

Maybe other teams have employees whose job it is to run players’ social media accounts? Maybe Rodney is just excited to be playing for a contender? Maybe Rod was taking a social media class?

Whatever the case may be, I think we all can agree that if the Cavaliers make it to the NBA Finals, Rodney Hood should start eating more cheese.

Q: Any tips on how I can get myself blocked by Derek Fisher?

@pdub0718

Derek who?

Q: What winter Olympic sport might current and former Jazz players excel at?

@mneumonist

Q: What are the favorite activities for the Jazz players when they play in the snow?

@k_r_baum

Good questions, guys!

Since your questions were so similar, I figured it would be easier to answer them together. I hope you don’t feel robbed or even refuse to ever read the mailbag again. If that’s the way you feel, I would be happy to find a day where I can come to your home and write a personal Jimbo’s Mailbag for you and your family.

Here are the favorite winter activities/Olympic events of each Jazz player (according to my research):

• Ricky Rubio – Downhill slalom
• Donovan Mitchell – Cooling/chilling
• Raulzinho Netinho – Bobsled
• Dante Exum – Curling
• Jae Crowder – Dreadling
• Joe Ingles – Skating with skis
• Alec Burks – Frumping
• Derrick Favors – Briathalon
• Rudy Gobert – Huge-ing
• Tony Bradley – Sliding
• Ekpe Udoh – Freestyle sliding
• Jonas Jerebko – Swockey (Swedish hockey)
• Thabo Sefolosha – Snow angeling
• Naz Mitrou-Long – Tubing
• Georges Panges – Gianging

Q: Greatest left handed Utah Jazz player of all time: Mark Eaton, CJ Miles, Rodney Hood, or Derek Fisher?

@thebigl32

I actually own a Miles jersey, but that was because they were out of Millsap ones and I was tired of waiting for the new stock to come in.

I grew up watching Mark Eaton intimidate teams with his defense. I used to pray he wouldn’t pull a muscle in his back while blocking shots.

I also loved watching Rodney Hood develop into our own personal Prince of Threes.

This is a hard question to answer, but I’m gonna have to go with Rod J. Eaton.

Q: My 5 and 2 yr old keep writing on the walls with markers. I try and hide the markers, but they make them appear out thin air like magicians. This is causing a lot of hatred and ill intent. What kinda things do you suggest I do? Is cutting off one of their fingers going too far?

@devon_barber

Cutting off their fingers will NOT help. Believe me, I’m missing three of my own. Maybe try cutting off a hand and go from there?

Q: What do you know about Tony Bradley? Is he a big, tall stiff who came to the NBA in the wrong era, or is he the next Tim Duncan?

@UGottaLovItBaby

Great question! [Just so you know, I’m using all my strength to not go into an Ace Ventura rant about how he’s a “soccer-style kicker, graduated from Collier High…” bit… but, I also I just did, right? Whoops.]

I actually do know a lot about Tony Bradley. In fact, I’m pretty sure I know the most about him besides his family. I mean, I’ve never met the guy, but I have read articles and studied stat sheets and just observed his demeanor and let me tell you—I REALLY like what I see.

I’m not comfortable with saying he’s the next Tim Duncan, but I AM comfortable saying that he could be the next Tom Dincam. Tom was a pretty good basketball player from my high school. He wasn’t very athletic and was born without the ring fingers on both of his hands, but man could he hustle!

Here is a list of things I know about Tony Bradley that might be interesting to know:

• He was already six feet tall when he started the third grade.
• He loves video games, but was never able to conquer Super Mario 2.
• He had two really good friends in junior high who for some reason got really into Smash Mouth.
• His nickname in high school was Tee-Leaf.
• At one time he owned 47 guinea pigs, but his mother made him get rid of most of them after he got his foot caught in one of the guinea pig cages.
• He doesn’t like Thai food.
• His uncle once had a bathroom emergency at a Kinko’s and is now permanently banned from using Fed Ex for all his shipping needs.
• Growing up, he was not allowed to watch The Simpsons or collect Garbage Pail Kid cards.
• He has seen the movie Stand and Deliver over 100 times and for a short period of time he convinced himself that he was fluent in Spanish.
• He slightly flicks the basketball with his left thumb when he shoots.
• He had 17 turnovers during one of his high school basketball games and he told his coach it was because he couldn’t stop thinking about how no matter how many people got eaten, the shark in Jaws never seemed to get full.
• He plays the harmonica, but not with his mouth.

Q: Which of the following movie characters would fit best as the Jazz’szes 15th man? Robin Williams’ character in Jumanji, Kip Dynamite, Air Bud, Kazaam.

@benwalker14

Kip, for sure.

Thanks for submitting questions, you guys. Remember to tell people in line in front of you at Red Box about Jimbo’s Mailbag. Do it while gently caressing their ear lobe. Make it weird.