Jimbo’s Mailbag – Game 6 Edition

Melissa Majchrzak via utahjazz.com

Get ready for the postseason stylings of our resident mailbag artist. Jimbo Rudding provides our regular dose of levity here at Salt City Hoops, and he does it by answering the burning questions to which Jazz fans just must have answers. You can submit questions to Jimbo at mailbag@saltcityhoops.com or by tweeting to @JimboRudding.

Q: Have you ever heard the slow acoustic cover of “Cotten Eye Joe?” It brings tears to my eyes. Tell all your NBA players about it.

@Mikeyvp

I haven’t heard of that version. I own every other version of that song, though. I can’t get enough of it. It’s just that iconic slice of Americana that everyone needs once in a while.

Don’t worry, I’ll pass the word around. I mean, I already tell everyone I come in contact with about Cotton Eye Joe anyway, so if NBA players find out about it maybe that will be the song they all start listening to on their headphones as they walk into arenas before the games.

By the way, have you noticed that whenever they show players walking into the arena in street clothes before a game, they’re always walking alone? Why is that? Even if there’s a few players right behind another player, they never stop and wait for them. Why can’t three of them be walking in together and chatting about Fuller House or something? It’s like, come on guys, be friendly. Your image won’t be tainted because you show an ability to be social.

That being said, I’m a pretty introverted guy. I will skip an aisle in the supermarket if there is more than one other person in it. In fact, when I’m a rich old man, I’m planning on buying three lower-bowl Jazz season tickets so that I can sit in the middle and no one will be on either side of me. It’s a sickness. I’m sick.

Q: Possible one-liners from Doc Rivers after the Clippers lose game 6?

@erushmusic

Good question! I was pretty blown away when I heard him say that Rudy Gobert doesn’t affect what they do as a team. Um, Doc, Rudy’s the best defender in the league. That SHOULD affect what you do or that would mean you’re not doing your job.

I don’t think for a second Doc Rivers really believes that. The playoffs are a chess game just as much as a basketball game. You can’t show your hand or show the enemy any weakness at all. That would be unwise.

But back to your question, Rush — I could see Doc saying any of these things:

• We didn’t lose.
• They didn’t beat us.
• Where am I?
• Haywood was amazing tonight.
• Dr. Naismith is a personal friend of mine.
• Dr. Naismith is still ALIVE!
• Listen, we just didn’t execute out there, but we still got the win…what’s that? We DIDN’T win? No, we won.
• It’s an easy game. The round thing goes through the hole and then you get points. Take THAT for data!
• It was like World War 3 out there and EVERY country was in it…except Costa Rica…but wait, is that a territory? I don’t know, look, the point is, we won the game.
• Anyone else seeing this guy next to me in black robes? No? He’s holding a scythe. Still no?
• Jim Les was the WORST!
• When Blake went down with that injury it was tough on me because Blake is a fun name to yell.
• Anybody got a throat lozenge?

Q: Do you want to come to dinner at my house? I had Hayward over just before game 4. He loved my wife’s sandwiches.

@Chief_Baconator

Good one! Does your wife work at Zupas?

Poor Zupas. Really, you can get food poisoning from literally any restaurant out there (except for maybe P.F. Chang’s. They are VERY careful with their food preparation.)

I’ve actually never eaten at Zupas, but I hear from every female alive that it’s delicious. If you really stop and think about it, soup and half a sandwich sounds like the perfect lunch for women and the perfect appetizer for men. Sorry if that’s sexist, but somebody had to say it. We’ve gone about this charade for too long now.

Q: What kind of diapers do you think CP3 wears?

@Mare_Bear_Baum

Poor Chris Paul. He’s so good at basketball, but yet so whiny and hard to like. Pampers? Huggies? Ralph Lauren?

One thing’s for sure, Chris Paul is gonna need a diaper tonight because that arena is going to be SO loud, I wouldn’t be surprised if it causes him to periodically lose control of his bowels during the game. Combine the arena noise with all that running and jumping and I guarantee you that they will have to quickly cut to commercial multiple times tonight.

In fact, it may be a good idea for the fans and coaching staff to also wear some sort of fanny protection tonight as well. As we all know, after the ear drums pop, the bowels are the next to go. It starts as an innocent case of the rumbly-guts, but soon escalates to some intense belly shivers and then before you know it, the arena is so loud and the game is so intense that you’ve absolutely destroyed your Levi 501s.

Q: Will you ever join AirBNB?

@jboz92

Although I DO think it would be amazing to stay at a bed and breakfast that is suspended in the air by a giant crane, I don’t think I could ever commit to this. I’m too afraid of heights. Even though I know that the bed and breakfast is enclosed and they’ve never lost a guest before, I still wouldn’t be able to relax enough to enjoy it.

Q: Why haven’t you changed your profile picture after all this time?

@BacherRandy

Yeah, I haven’t really given that a whole lot of thought. I took that photo a handful of years ago after a late night of partying (binge-watching Lost and eating ice cream).

I’m not what you would call “photogenic.” When I get a decent picture taken, I just gotta roll with it for as long as I can.

In fact, during picture day at school the photographer would spend 20 minutes saying things like, “Smile… but not like that,” and, “OK, close your mouth and look at the ground,” and, “Just stare straight at me and pretend I’m Mr. Tumnus and I’ve come to take you to Narnia.” That one usually did it, but my parents would still put the picture that came with the frame over my school picture when they had company over.

Q: Best food-name drafted in the first round? Taco, Reuben, Peppers?

@ebudd08

I haven’t been watching the NFL draft. In fact, I’m not really into the NFL at all. Sure, I watch the Super Bowl just like everyone else in the world, but I just can’t get into it. The ball is a weird shape and there are too many players playing at once and you can’t see their faces and there aren’t any hoops. I don’t know, maybe they’ll get it right one day.

Thanks for all the questions, you guys! Remember to tell your Uber driver about Jimbo’s Mailbag. Maybe tell them while you reach from the back seat and gently rub one of their earlobes. Make it weird.