Jimbo’s Mailbag – Hanging Out With Players

AP Photo/David J. Phillip

Q: You think the Jazz will carry 15 guys to start the season? If so, who do you think will be the lucky 15? Also, what do you think you would do if you could hang out with each of them for a night?

@steeleman17

Great questions! Thinking about the roster and the season starting makes me as giddy as a schoolgirl… a schoolgirl who desperately wants to make the playoffs this season.

The way the roster looks now, I definitely wouldn’t be surprised if the Jazz start the year with 15 guys on the roster. I know they usually like to keep a spot or two open in case they need the room for trades, but this year there seems to be a different mindset. The Jazz like their own players. All of them. That’s the kind of confidence that will either get you the girl of your dreams or leave you full of regret and embarrassment after thinking she would love a banjo serenade at midnight on her front lawn.

Here’s who I think the lucky 15 will be and what we would do if we hung out for a day:

1. Trevor Booker — We’d cruise the Alpine loop and talk about how Cher’s attractiveness went downhill after the movie “Mask.”
2. Trey Burke — We’d spend the whole time in the gym getting ready for the season.
3. Alec Burks — We’d play Mario Kart on my Super Nintendo and eat Corn Nuts.
4. Dante Exum — I’d spend the whole time sobbing over his knee just like Rocky did over Mick when he died in Rocky III. ***First person to tweet me and tell me what Mick’s last name was in the movie automatically gets a RT.***
5. Derrick Favors — We’d hang out for a while down at the VF Factory Outlet and talk about how it’s hard to find t-shirts that fit us right.
6. Rudy Gobert — I’d take him to my house and have him help me paint my ceilings.
7. Gordon Hayward — We’d set up a play date watch our kids play while sitting on the patio and talking about how they grow so fast and why my garage door seems to be off-center by a couple inches.
8. Rodney Hood — We’d spend the day watching “Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves” and afterwards he’d be like, “OHHH, so THAT’S why you call me Rodney Hood: Prince of Threes!”
9. Joe Ingles — We’d watch Crocodile Dundee II, which is the best of the Dundee movies, and I’d ask him TONS of questions about what it’s like in Australia and if Paul Hogan is nice in person.
10. Trey Lyles — We’d go hiking up the canyon and I’d pack TONS of caffeine-free Diet Cokes so we both stay hydrated.
11. Raul Neto — We’d eat at Tucanos until we were close to puking and then go buy some Lucky Brand jeans.
12. Tibor Pleiss — We’d hold hands while skating around the rink at Classic Skating to Bryan Adams’ “Heaven” and people would ask if he was my dad. No, we’re just friends.
13. Bryce Cotton — We’d go to the mall and buy some new lids and then talk about which Avenger would be most likely to enjoy country music.
14. Chris Johnson — We’d probably go to Cold Stone and I would try not to call him “John Chrisson” all night.
15. Elijah Millsap — We’d probably go to IHOP and I would try not to call him “Paul” all night.

So what happens with Jack Cooley, Grant Jerrett, and Olivier Hanlan? Well, Hanlan just signed to play in Lithuania last week, so I guess he’s out. To be honest, I’m not really sure about the other two. I love Cooley’s game and wish there was room, but I believe Chris Johnson played himself into a roster spot in summer league.

Grant Jerrett is another question mark. I don’t know if his contract is guaranteed or not and frankly I’m too lazy to look on the wide wide world of web to find out¹. I just assume the Jazz will eventually waive him, if that’s something that is legally doable. Another thing you have to take into account is that I don’t know much about contracts or how the NBA works or even basketball in general. So, don’t listen to me.

Q: From the Draft, Summer League, Jazz Dancer tryouts, and schedule release, I’m loving it! What do we need a season for?

@SpamIsDelish

I know exactly what you’re talking about. I love the regular season, but sometimes the offseason can be pretty great too. For instance, every year I look forward to the Jazz trading for the first pick in the draft like some sort of spoiled 9-year-old punk who tells everyone he is getting an iPhone for Christmas. To me, the draft is the best thing to a regular season game during the summer. National anthem tryouts come in a close second, but for some reason the Jazz don’t think my beat-boxing/harmonica version of the national anthem is ready for the bright lights of a regular season game yet.

Another thing that’s hard for me to deal with is the fact that when the Jazz season is starting, it means the weather is getting colder and winter is coming and as far as I’m concerned winter can go and light itself on fire and then throw itself off of the top of an Anniversary Inn.

Oh well, I’m sure winter will eventually come and then go and time will continue to pass until I’m on death’s door and I realize that I’ve been looking forward to something my whole life. Hopefully it’s not a Utah Jazz championship, right? Ha ha ha ha ha LOL LOLOLOLOLOL…ha ha…ha………………..hmmm.

Q: Would you rather have David Locke explain the Jazz’s road schedule in detail or watch Derek Fisher highlights on YouTube?

@BardenPembleton

Ugh, that’s a hard one. I guess if I had to travel with the team to every road game, I too would feel the need to pay attention to the tiniest of details. Seriously though, thinking of Locke pouring over the schedule reminds me of that scene in A Christmas Story where Ralphie is trying to decode the Ovaltine commercial in his bathroom. So many different scenarios and so many hotel rooms and flights and sooooo much Wendy’s. Hmmm, now that I think about it, it doesn’t sound too bad.

On the other hand, I would have to watch one of the most non-truth-teller’s highlights. I could only handle so much of that.

Hmmm…

I’m going to go with David Locke explaining the Jazz’ schedule.

Q: We went from high-5’s to knuckles to jumping and crashing into each other to celebrate things. What’ll it take to make eskimo kisses the next thing?

@the6bees

Thinking about giving high-fives makes me think about how Jim Les would give high-fives. What a jerk! He’d lift his arm and slap another guy’s hand like a big doofus. Ugh, I can’t stand that guy!

The eskimo kiss celebration seems like a great idea. Good thing we have Twitter so that we can tweet every NBA player and let them know that we as fans are totally fine if that’s the way they would like to show their appreciation for each other. I’ll get on it.

In the meantime, we should also contact the league and ask them to meet with the refs to nail down for good what constitutes a “carry” and “traveling.” During this meeting maybe they could let the public know if any new players have been added to the list of those who should not be penalized for carrying/traveling or if it’s still just Kobe, LeBron, Wade, and James Harden.

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Thanks for the questions, everyone. I hope your summer is going great and you’re wearing sunscreen and keeping those ACL’s protected!