Jimbo’s Mailbag – Hanging Out with Raul Neto

(Photo by Tom Pennington/Getty Images)

Q: Jazz tandem nicknames? Hood/Hayward HOT WINGS is fairly lame? Favors/Gobert need a nickname that strikes fear.

@phelpss6

I like “Hot Wings.” It makes sense and it hasn’t been done before that I know of. That right there is reason enough to start printing t-shirts. By the way, don’t ever call your ideas lame. Like our teachers used to say, the only lame idea is the idea that isn’t had.

I get asked about nicknames a lot. I guess since I came up with the whole “Rodney Hood: Prince of Threes™” nickname, people think I have a lifetime supply of game-changers in my back pocket at all times. The truth is, the Rodney Hood thing just came out as some friends and I were at the ESA watching Hood’s first Summer League game a couple of years ago. I thought it sounded good at the time because I’m a HUGE Kevin Costner and Bryan Adams fan, so I tweeted it out and the rest is Jazz history.

I’m not promising any earth-shattering nicknames, but I’ll give this tandem thing a try:

• Trevor Booker/Trey Burke – Short Round
• Jim Les/Jason Hart – The Worst
• Joe Ingles/Dante Exum – Aussie Posse
• Craig Bolerjack/Matt Harpring – Talking Hair
• Ron Boone/David Locke – “Please Just Tell Me the Score” Dudes
• Tibor Pleiss/Jeff Withey – The Doppelgangers
• Raul Neto/Rudy Gobert – Foreign Bor-en and Scorin
• Dennis Lindsey/Kevin O’Conner – No Comment
• Trey Burke/Trey Lyles/Tre-Booker – Tres Treys

That’s the best I can do with the time I allotted myself to answer this question.

Q: What’s Derek Fisher up to these days?

@SamJud_17

Trust me, you don’t want to know.

Q: Should I heat up my Twix before I eat it?

@jermsguy

Wow, is that a thing? Do people really do that to their candy bars? I’m not really into candy at all so I wouldn’t know. I’m kind of a health nut. And by “health nut” I mean I eat healthier junk food like cookies, brownies, and doughnuts. You know, baked goods without all the harmful added preservatives.

That being said, I’d say go for it. Just keep being you, my man. Don’t let society dictate whether or not it’s acceptable to warm up your candy. Even if we all think you’re weird for doing it or it ruins your microwave, you gotta just push through all that. You only have a limited amount of time on this earth and you might as well enjoy it with a warm Twix.

Q: If the Kings offered Cousins for Joe Ingles straight up would you take the headache and accept the trade?

@JazzManZach

I know most Jazz fans won’t agree with me on this, but I love DeMarcus Cousins. It’s not like a Valentines love, although sometimes when I imagine him playing for the Jazz it’s very much like a Valentines love. But I’d say it’s more of an appreciation for what he can do both offensively and defensively on the court.

Sure, he has a temper that he allows to control his actions every once in a while, but I could live with that. Not necessarily inside my house, but on my favorite basketball team? Sure.

So what would I be willing to give up for Cousins? Well that’s a whole other animal. I guess I should start by asking myself some questions:

• Would I be willing to trade for Cousins? Yes.
• Would I trade Joe Ingles for Cousins? Yes, in less than a heartbeat.
• Would I trade Derrick Favors for Cousins? Yes.
• Would I trade any one player on the team for Cousins? Yes, but maybe not Rodney Hood. I’d want to sleep on that one if that’s okay?
• Would I trade multiple players for Cousins? Possibly, depending on the players.
• Would I trade all of my own cousins for DeMarcus Cousins? Yes. Especially my maternal ones.
• Would I rather have Cousins on the Jazz or have the ability to fly? Fly.
• Do I wish Allen Handy would cut his hair and never wear his silver and purple Jazz jacket again? Yes.
• Do I wish Jim Les could be erased from all Jazz stats and records? YES!
• Am I sad Fuddruckers left Utah? YES!
• Have the extra, nonsensical questions at the end of this list run their course? Probably, but I want to add one more.
• Would I trade for DeMarcus Cousins if I found out that he claims he understood the movie “Interstellar?” No.

So, there you have it. My love for DeMarcus Cousins is out on the internet for the world to see. Am I ashamed? No.

Q: Hey Jimbo, if you could hang out with Raul Neto for a day what would you do and what would you tell him about Uncle Dale?

@RileyOJazz

I would LOVE to hang out with Raul! He seems like a sweetheart of a guy, and I’m not just saying that because his eyes are like two beautifully dark chunks of obsidian and Valentine’s Day is coming up. He just looks like someone who would be incredibly accepting, a great listener, and non-judgmental even if you got a little carried away during conversation and told him about the time when you were in high school and some bullies filled your backpack with foam from a fire extinguisher while you weren’t looking. The point is, Wolf would be hecka fun to spend a day with.

If Neto was forced to spend the day with me, I imagine (and hope) it would go something like this:

7:30 AM: Meet at a local park for a short jog and some light calisthenics.

8:15 AM: Breakfast at Denny’s.

9:15 AM: Meet Dick Norse at Starbucks for some hot chocolate and a few uplifting stories about the day they pulled Baby Jessica from the well.

10:30 AM: While walking in the mall looking for adult-sized Heelys, we run into my Uncle Dale and he tries to convince Raul to look into owning a Pretzelmaker franchise.

10:33 AM: I get very embarrassed and cut off Uncle Dale mid-sentence to loudly tell him Raul’s not interested. I notice some scary looking youths outside Zumiez are staring at us and we quickly head for the exit.

10:45 AM: While entering Denny’s for brunch we run into Dave Norse (Dick’s younger brother). Small world.

11:30 AM: I take Raul down to Utah Lake to show him the sights.

11:32 AM: Raul asks to leave because of the smell.

11:50 AM: We head to the nearest Great Clips to get matching haircuts.

12:30 PM: Dick Norse meets us at Denny’s for lunch. He tells us that his brother Dave passed away two years ago inside this very Denny’s and me and Raul look at each other and then start freaking out.

1:20 PM: Raul, Dick, and I head over to Classic Skating. Dick takes a hard tumble during the limbo competition, but he’s fine. Just got the wind knocked out of him.

3:00 PM: Raul and I get tired of skating so we play skee-ball and talk about how great it would be if skee-ball became an Olympic sport, but how horrible it would be to have to compete against each other.

3:20 PM: I offer to be the lookout while Raul walks onto the skee-ball apparatus and drops all of his balls into the 50 slot.

3:25 PM: Raul trades his 2,500 tickets for a Sony Discman, three Chinese finger traps, and eight unicorn stickers.

4:00 PM: Raul and I enter Best Buy to find a good CD to listen to on his new Sony Discman, but all we find are some old Yanni CDs so we leave.

4:20 PM: We arrive at Denny’s for an early dinner. While eating we think we see Dave Norse’s ghost again, but it turns out to be a couple of napkins stuck in a large ficus tree in the corner of the restaurant. We laugh.

5:30 PM: I take Raul back to his apartment. He gets a little emotional while thanking me for a fun day. Things quickly get awkward, so I just give him a side-hug and he gets out of the car and enters his apartment.

Annnnnnnnnnnnddddddd…………SCENE!

Q: How do you think the Western Conference ends the season? You think the Jazz have a shot at the 5^th seed?

@Steeleman_77

I’ll answer your first question first. Here is how I believe the West will look like at the end of the season:

1. Warriors – They’re too good. Curry is amazing. Thompson and Green are amazing. Life is amazing. They’re all young and will be good for a long time and it just sucks and I hate it.
2. Spurs – When are these guys going to stop being so good? There needs to be some restrictions put on teams when they get this good. Dr. James Naismith would be turning in his grave if he knew how good the Spurs are at this lovely game he invented.
3. Thunder – Unless Westbrook and Durant go down, these guys are safe in the three spot. It’ll be great though when Utah occupies the three spot after the Jazz sign Durant this summer.
4. Clippers – I can’t stand anyone on the Clippers. I would LOVE if they took a dive in the second part of the season and had to play the Spurs or the Warriors and were swept in the first round of the playoffs.
5. Mavericks – After watching Trey Lyles torch Dirk the other night, I’m convinced that this is Nowitzki’s last season. Sure he’s a great shooter, but that dude plays close to zero defense. DWill has bad ankles, Matthews has a bum achilles, and JJ Barea is a punk. Things are looking grim for Dallas.
6. Grizzlies – Even with Marc Gasol going down with a broken foot, I have a feeling Memphis won’t fall far. Not sure why, but I just have a feeling. It’s kind of like when you eat something bad for you at 11 PM and you just know you’re going to wake up at 3 AM in search of the Tums.
7. Jazz – I’ve said all year that the Jazz will get the seventh seed and I’m going to stick with it. Trades could potentially mess things up or make things better. However, I’m convinced the Jazz won’t make any moves before the trade deadline.
8. Blazers – What the Blazers are doing this year is nothing short of amazing. If you asked the everyday NBA fan to name one player on the Blazers they would probably say, “Lilliard” and then you’d correct them and say, “It’s Lillard” and then they probably wouldn’t want to talk to you much after that.

So, is it possible the Jazz get the fifth seed? Sure, as Kevin Garnett so masterfully put it, anything is possible. If the Grizzlies can’t keep it together without Gasol, if the Mavericks can’t stop teams, and if the Rockets keep imploding the Jazz have a shot. I just wouldn’t bet any of my own money on it.

Now, I’m writing this BEFORE the trade deadline, so you have to take that into account. Another thing you should take into account—I don’t really know all that much about clear path fouls, goaltending, analytics, the difference between a pick and a screen, or basketball in general.

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Thanks for all the questions this week, you guys! As always, remember to tell your extended family about Jimbo’s Mailbag. Maybe try telling them while eating a really messy meatball sub. Make it weird.