Jimbo’s Mailbag – Is Ante Tomic Coming?

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Welcome to the next edition of Jimbo’s Mailbag! At Salt City Hoops, we know that covering a losing team without any humor can be dreary. As such, we decided to add a little bit more levity to our site via Jimbo’s unique outlook on the world of Jazz basketball. Jimbo, by virtue of being recently featured in the Deseret News, is now the world’s most famous Utah-based basketball mailbag artist. Interested in submitting a question to Jimbo’s mailbag? Email it to Jimbo at mailbag@saltcityhoops.com or tweet @JimboRudding to appear.

Did I miss your mention of Mark Jackson as one of most hated Jazz players?

@KurtFlinders

No, you didn’t miss it, but thank you for reading Jimbo’s Mailbag last week!

I’m just a big idiot who makes a list of the most hated former Jazz players and forgets one of the most hated of all time. I think the problem was, I was spending so much time thinking of all the things I hate about Jim Les that Mark Jackson totally slipped my mind.

So, here is a list of all the reasons Jazz fans dislike Mark Jackson:

• He calls himself a “leader.”
• He tried to turn the Jazz locker room against John Stockton.
• He cheats at Big Boggle.
• He played in the league for 16 seasons and was traded SEVEN times.
• He made DeShawn Stevenson think he was better than he really was.
• He said he didn’t agree with Jerry Sloan’s coaching style.
• He told me that my pheasant taxidermy was “for the birds.”
• He is a licensed minister who had an affair with a stripper.
• He has a VERY thin goatee. Too thin, if you ask me.
• He was fired as the coach of the Warriors last year. Think about that.
• He once told me I couldn’t hit the high note in “Take On Me.”

I guess that’ll do it. I could list more, but I’m not positive they’re all true.

Thanks for bringing this to my attention, Kurt. Hopefully in the future I will try not to make similar mistakes and embarrass my family, myself, Salt City Hoops, and the Utah Jazz organization.

Jimbo, you’re known for your great mustache. Does the possibility of Ante Tomic coming, along with his great beard, threaten you?

@UtahJazzTime

Yes! I worked hard on this mustache. It took me at least two weeks to grow, not to mention the hours I spend trimming and blow-drying it every day and here comes Tomic with his beautiful beard to draw attention away and screw it all up for me.

I’m going to go out on a limb here and announce that Ante Tomic WILL be on the Utah Jazz roster next season. I don’t have any sources, but if he does end up on the team, then you heard it here first! Being first is all that matters when you’re an experienced Jazz writer like myself. Not many people know this, but I was actually the first one to announce that the Jazz would not be erecting a statue of former guard Jim Les.

I’m excited for Tomic to come over. He is a true center, which I think is exactly what the Jazz bench needs to get better. Don’t get me wrong (like you always do), I love Trevor Booker’s game, but his size is a problem. With “the best center in Europe” coming off the bench for Rudy, hopefully the rim protection will continue with the bench based on Tomics’es’s’ size alone.

Hey Jimbo, remember how Enes Kanter thought he was moving on to bigger and better?

@CiscoRu

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL… okay, that’s enough.

Yeah, I do remember that. It’s a good thing he demanded that trade and got himself a better opportunity to not play defense for a playoff team. He really took the reins and led his new team to the offseason with vigor and flair.

It’s too bad he couldn’t have just kept his mouth shut and played ball. I mean, the Jazz organization and we Jazz fans have a track record of being fine with players who are good offensively, but don’t have interest in defending. Remember Big Al Jefferson? Carlos Arroyo? Jim Les?

One thing about us Jazz fans—we are as loyal as they come… until you say something bad about our state, ancestors, quilts, coaches, smell, ice cream, lack of Fuddruckers, bike taxis, infatuation with the movie “Ghost,” or Birkenstocks, then you become public enemy number one.

How much money would you pay to watch an NBA athlete play the game while suffering with “gastric distress?”

@Mikeyvp

I’d easily pay double the regular ticket price, especially if I could pick the athlete. I know this is gross, but it would be hilarious to watch him try and run while clutching his stomach and trying to keep his legs together.

What should I do with my Kanter jersey?

@lancejpeterson

Well, if you haven’t already burned it, then here are some ideas:

• Please mail it to me. I have a great idea for a halftime act. I’m not sure the Jazz would go for it, though. There would be a huge mess to clean up afterwards.
• Another idea is you could make the “K” into a “C” and then turn the “er” into an “even.” Ha ha “Cant Even.” It’s because we Jazz fans can’t even anymore, you know?
• You could paint it black and try shipping it to a random Hot Topic in a mall in Turkey.
• Maybe rip it up and hang it on your door as a warning to other NBA players that you will NOT tolerate any bad-mouthing of the great state of Utah or the Jazz organization.
• Check online and find the closest funeral, walk into the service, and staple it to the bottom of the casket. Before you do this, make sure the family of the deceased have a good sense of humor.
• Rip it up into tiny pieces and over time mix it into smoothies and eat it.

OK, things are getting weird, so I better stop there.

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Thanks for all the questions! You guys are the best Jazz fans in the history of basketball and also music!