Jimbo’s Mailbag – Jazz Players’ Grocery List

(Photo by Melissa Majchrzak/NBAE via Getty Images)

Welcome to the next edition of Jimbo’s Mailbag! At Salt City Hoops, we know that covering a losing team without any humor can be dreary. As such, we decided to add a little bit more levity to our site via Jimbo’s unique outlook on the world of Jazz basketball. Jimbo, by virtue of being recently featured in the Deseret News, is now the world’s most famous Utah-based basketball mailbag artist. Interested in submitting a question to Jimbo’s mailbag? Email it to Jimbo at mailbag@saltcityhoops.com or tweet @JimboRudding to appear.

Q: What’s on the grocery list of some of the Jazz players this week?

@joel_hiller

It wouldn’t surprise me at all if we found out that Dante Exum has a fridge full of Squeezits. However, what he REALLY needs to buy are those Breathe Right Nasal Strips. Here I was thinking that I was top dog when it came to being a mouth-breather, but I think Dante wins this one hands down. Personally, I think he should eat a fun-size bag of Cool Ranch Doritos before every game to help create more space between him and his man.

Gordon Hayward’s grocery probably contains Castrol 10w-30 for his hair. Being married seems to have done wonders for that guy’s style. I like the barbadre haircut a LOT more than the floppy look. Bravo, Mrs. Hayward.

Q: Was Tyler Zeller’s shove the other night more blatant than MJ’s shove in 1998?

@HipMrBully

That was a rough way to lose a game, but I’m not going to go as far as to say that it was worse than 1998. Next to the day my buddy Super Dell Schanze went to jail for the fourth time, the Jordan push-off in the Finals was one of the worst days of my life.

When the Jazz lost to the Bulls in the NBA Finals back in 1998, I was instantly looking for ways to purge the pain from my heart. I, like many other Jazz fans, put my whole soul into that playoff run, only to have it stomped on by Phil Jackson (the greatest coach to ever coach teams containing the best player in the league) and Michael Jordan (the greatest player to play VERY well through a hangover).

Looking back, it wasn’t healthy for me to sit silently and bottle up the anguish like I did. I should have opened up and shared my feelings with my loved ones. I should have turned that negative energy into something good, like saving the homeless or building habitats for humanity. But, like they say, hindsight is 20/20.

Even though I didn’t outwardly express my frustrations, here is a list of things I wanted to do after the Jazz lost in the NBA Finals both years.

• Steal a walker from an elderly person and throw it through a ZCMI display window.
• Do donuts in all my neighbor’s front yards.
• Egg Dick Norse’s car.
• Huff some air duster and sing “Something’s Coming” from West Side Story inside the Utah capitol building.
• Unfold all the pants at Mervyns and throw them in a giant pile.
• Call up my old English teachers and chew them out for teaching me to always put two spaces after a period.
• Go into a rest home and announce that a UFO has touched down just outside the city.
• Drive around throwing handfuls of those July 4^th popper things at pedestrians (a drive-by popping).
• Yell at my waiter, “NO! I DON’T LIKE THE WAY EVERYTHING’S TASTING!”

Q: Who is the target of your next recruiting campaign?

@SLCJuanB

Well, Isaiah Thomas already blocked me, so I guess it’s not him.

I’ve been taking a stab at Wesley Matthews, but for some reason I don’t think it’s appropriate now that he is injured and out for the season…or is it? …no, it’s not.

Stephen Curry has too many followers.

I would take suggestions if you have them.

I will make my final decision within the next week or so. Stay tuned!

Q: Which old Jazz jersey gets the most cheers on the Jumbotron and which gets the crowd to madchuck churros at me?

@the6bees

Good old Stockton, Malone, and Hornacek will always get the most cheers, while I think Boozer, Deron Williams, and Danny Manning get the churros. Actually, I’m not sure about Manning. His jersey may just get chips from nachos thrown at you.

That’s funny that you would ask that, because I went with a friend to a Jazz game a few weeks ago and while walking back to the car we were talking about which would be the most obscure Jazz jersey to buy.

Here is a list of the Jazz jerseys my friend and I talked about:

• Jim Les
• Devin Brown
• Eric Murdock
• Jose Ortiz
• Andre Owens
• Delaney Rudd
• Eric Leckner

I am seriously considering buying the Jim Les one with my own hard-earned moneys. Les played all 82 games of the 1988-89 season and one game in the 1989-90 season before he was waived. He now coaches at UC Davis. If that doesn’t deserve a middle-aged man “representin,” then I don’t want to know what does.

*****TRIVIA QUESTION: The first person to tweet me the number Jim Les wore for the Jazz will get an RT. *****

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Thanks for the questions y’all!