Jimbo’s Mailbag – Kanter Trade and Disney Princesses

(Photo by Patrick Smith/Getty Images)

Welcome to the next edition of Jimbo’s Mailbag! At Salt City Hoops, we know that covering a losing team without any humor can be dreary. As such, we decided to add a little bit more levity to our site via Jimbo’s unique outlook on the world of Jazz basketball. Jimbo, by virtue of being recently featured in the Deseret News, is now the world’s most famous Utah-based basketball mailbag artist. Interested in submitting a question to Jimbo’s mailbag? Email it to Jimbo at mailbag@saltcityhoops.com or tweet @JimboRudding to appear.

Q: So Kanter is gone. How do you feel about that?

@Mikeyvp

Yeah, let’s get right to it. It was a CRAZY trade deadline yesterday. With fifteen minutes to go before the deadline, I was convinced the Jazz weren’t making any moves. I myself was on the fence trying to decide whether or not I wanted Kanter traded.

Some of the reasons why I didn’t want Kanter traded:

• He is a good-to-great offensive rebounder who can score at times if he’s not double-teamed in the post.
• He was the number three pick in the draft and hasn’t really been playing basketball all that long, which means he could potentially get a lot better.
• If he isn’t playing very well and the refs are bugging him during a game, he just throws his mouth guard at someone in the crowd.
• (My favorite thing about him)–he isn’t afraid of getting into it with anyone in the NBA and I just can’t say that about Favors yet.

Some of the reasons why I wanted Kanter traded:

• His defense. We’ve been force-fed the “defense is most important” line for the last five years or more and I’m totally on board. The fact is, every team wants to have a good defense, but not every team has defensive-minded players. The Jazz just decided that there’s no point in teaching defense to a player who doesn’t see its value.
• His whining. Here’s a thought: If you’d like more playing time, maybe work harder and play better? Don’t complain about minutes when your backup is clearly outplaying you. Enes wasn’t doing things that gave the team a chance to win games, especially in the fourth quarter. On top of not winning, he was complaining about his minutes. As we’ve learned from Gordan Giriček, sometimes whining can shorten your career.
• His tights. What are those tights supposed to do? And don’t give me some line about how they “promote better blood circulation” because I know a couple of guys who played the game very well for 20 years in tired tube socks. I understand that tights can protect skin from floor burns, but when was Kanter diving on the floor for loose balls?
• Money – Kanter wanted max money and the Jazz wanted a max player. Neither happened.

Q: The NBA is cyclical. Does that mean that we will soon see the return of the short shorts? (Asking for a friend).

@JimmerFrodette

I doubt it. Bringing back those short shorts could result in a wardrobe malfunction that would make even Janet Jackson blush.

Just thinking about short shorts reminds me of my youth. Life was so much easier then. I NEVER worried about things like homeland security or identity theft. All I ever thought about was building a tree fort so that I could capture someone trespassing on my territory and then demand they hand over their Blockbuster card so that I could rent Die Hard without my parents knowing.

Q: If Jazz players had an eating contest, where would they go and who would eat the most?

@CjChaze

I’m almost positive that they would go to a Chuck-A-Rama Buffet. The best thing at Chuck-A-Rama is without a doubt the bread pudding. You can taste the fresh cinnamon, you can taste the nutmeg. I could talk about the raisins all day long, but really it’s the bread that’s the secret here. The bread is fresh and it’s light. It melts away in your mouth. I like to put a little bit of ice cream on it and they I really start to dig in. Aaaahhoooohhhh, it’s SO GOOD! The choice is yours at Chuck-A-Rama!

If I were the one running this contest, I’d make the players eat the side-dish that kids always pass up and only certain elderly people are brave enough to try. Like maybe the deviled eggs that were mistakenly placed underneath a heat lamp or some pickled beets n’ corn that some kid spilled his cottage cheese into. It would be a lot of fun to have a crowd cheer them on while they all tried to gag their way to victory.

Who would eat the most? I would have to say Kendrick Perkins for sure. Although, Joe Ingles always reminds me of this kid I knew in junior high who would dig out a hole in his burrito with the handle of his fork and then pour 17 hot sauces into the hole. Once the crowd around our lunch table was large enough, he would eat the entire burrito and everyone would cheer. Ahhh, those were simpler times.

Q: Which Disney princess would you compare the current Jazz roster to?

@MoabJazz

This is a hard question to answer mostly because Disney princesses always remind me of when I had a crush on Stacy Colletti in elementary school. She was beautiful in her lite blue Jellies and her pink Disney princess backpack. But then she had to go and tell everyone that I peed my pants when really I just spilled expired apple juice on my pants and it kind of smelled like pee. I’ll never forgive her for that.

I’m going to change the question from “princess” to “Disney character” just to make it easier on myself because frankly, I like making things easier on myself and also it’s MY mailbag. You’re not the boss of me!

So, here it goes:

• Kendrick Perkins – Quasimodo
• Trey Burke – Piglet
• Gordon Hayward – Simba’s son he lifted up at the end of the movie
• Dante Exum – Pocahontas’ little brother
• Rudy Gobert – Pocahontas’ big brother
• Derrick Favors – Judge Doom from Who Framed Roger Rabbit
• Trevor Booker – Magic Carpet from Aladdin
• Alec Burks – Merlin from Sword in the Stone
• Rodney Hood – The dog with the broken foot from Robin Hood: Prince of Threes
• Joe Ingles – The seagull from Rescuers Down Under.
• Raul Neto – One of the brooms from Fantasia
• Jeremy Evans – Ichabod Crane
• Ian Clark – Timon from Lion King
• Elijah Millsap – Dale from Chip and Dale
• Tibor Pleiss – A German Goofy

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Thanks for the questions y’all!