Jimbo’s Mailbag – Rudy Gobert’s New Nickname

(AP Photo/Rick Bowmer)

Welcome to the next edition of Jimbo’s Mailbag! At Salt City Hoops, we know that covering a losing team without any humor can be dreary. As such, we decided to add a little bit more levity to our site via Jimbo’s unique outlook on the world of Jazz basketball. Jimbo, by virtue of being recently featured in the Deseret News, is now the world’s most famous Utah-based basketball mailbag artist. Interested in submitting a question to Jimbo’s mailbag? Email it to Jimbo at mailbag@saltcityhoops.com or tweet @JimboRudding to appear.

Q: What are the chances that Gandalf performs at halftime during the Jazz/Wizards game next week? Also Derek Fisher lied.

@Gobberslob

Thanks for the question Gobber! First off, I have to agree with you on Fisher.

Now, on to Gandalf. I’ve never seen or read any of the Harry Porters, so I’m not entirely sure who Gandalf is, but I will say that if Gandalf can’t make it that day, I would be happy to fill in for him/her. I’ve been trying to perfect my halftime acts for a few years now. After multiple complaints from my neighbors about the noise and smells coming from the backyard, I’ve had to move my halftime practice sessions into the garage. The last few months of practice have been VERY successful; I’m pretty much on the verge of being ready to perform. In fact, if I had a new welding mask and an old water heater, I could do one halftime act next week.

Here are a few of the stunts/halftime acts I’ve been working on recently:

• I shoot one million Jo-Ann Fabrics coupons into the crowd using only two re-purposed flare guns.
• I hook up a VERY tiny scope camera up to the jumbotron screens and jam it into my belly button.
• I invite one lucky female fan up and I lip-sync the song Kokomo while roller-skating around her.
• I explain how lap band surgery works using ONLY a barrel of wet napkins and my uncle Dale as props.
• I show the audience how I can still fit into EVERY jean jacket I’ve purchased since I was 14.
• I do this game where if you can catch a brand new chainsaw dropped from the rafters, you get to keep it.
• I break-dance to Monster Ballads.

The truth is, I’m working on dozens more, but those require either expensive props, local celebrities to sign on, or heavy machinery. I will definitely keep everyone posted on my progress.

Q: Who will be the first current Jazz player to go to space? Will they start their own NBA space franchise?

@thatcho

This is an AWESOME question, Thatch! I spent most of the morning thinking about the answer to this and I would probably have to go with Exum. He just looks like he would be way into science. In fact, I’m probably double his age and I would guess that in his lifetime he has said the phrase “atmospheric pressure” at least triple the amount of times I have.

Just looking like a guy who would be into science isn’t necessarily a bad thing. I mean, it’s way better than looking like a guy who would be into making quilts like I do. Speaking of, my mom and I will be selling our quilts at the Meadows Boutique this Saturday from 8 a.m. to 2 p.m. Hope you all can make it!

Q: In a fantasy-name swap, which name is cooler? “Smooth Frenchman LeBron Gobert” or “Rockstar Rudy James?”

@UTEfan1023

I like the Rockstar Rudy James one myself. Mostly because Rudy Gobert played like a rock star last night. I mean, a double-double in the first quarter? Who does that???

Besides, it’s a TON better than my primary nickname in high school, which was “Turd-ger King.” That nickname only stuck because of an unfortunate event that happened to me at Burger King that I would rather not get into right now.

I said “primary” nickname because I had a bunch of nicknames growing up. In fact, since I love making lists, here is a list of all the nicknames I had/have:

• Diaper Tongue – Self-explanatory.
• Baconator – I had a backpack that would smell like bacon because it used to be my sister’s and she smelled like bacon.
• Buzz Falldrin – I fell down some stairs on a field trip to the planetarium.
• Cleft Face – Self-explanatory.
• Alf – I used to have a cowlick in the front of my head that would give me “Alf-hair.”
• Heavy Tevye – In 7^th grade I fell off the back of the stage and broke my tailbone during a performance of Fiddler on the Roof.

Q: Would the Matthews injury still have happened if you hadn’t tweeted @ him? What else in the universe would have changed?

@donschwattinho

Good question! I feel really bad about his injury. He’s a great player who came out of nowhere and it makes me proud that the Utah Jazz along with Jerry Sloan gave him the opportunity to play.

I guess I should feel a little responsible for his injury because if he read my tweets and thought about them for a considerable amount of time they could’ve been distracting enough to cause his body to not withstand the intense pressure and strain involved in cutting to the rim. Great, now I feel terrible and every time I feel terrible, I end up spending WAY too much time inside a Long John Silver’s and watching Titanic. On the bright side, at least my night’s planned now.

————-

Thanks for the questions everyone!