Jimbo’s Mailbag – Ticket Prices, Referees, and Season Predictions

Sitting in this crowd will cost you more going forward. What does Jimbo think of that? (Melissa Majchrzak via utahjazz.com)

Following an NBA team should be fun, and Jimbo Rudding makes sure it is. Jimbo is our resident mailbag artist at Salt City Hoops, providing our regular dose of levity as he answers questions with his signature blend of creativity, humor and unabashed fandom. You can submit questions to Jimbo at mailbag@saltcityhoops.com or by tweeting to @JimboRudding. Can I get an RT for that?

Q: With all the things the Jazz organization has done for Utah and Jazz fans, including having some of the cheapest seats in the league for years, are Jazz fans being ridiculous about ticket prices?

@imdedinseyed

I don’t really have a leg to stand on in this argument. For one thing, I’m not a season ticket holder (even though I would love to become one someday). Second, I don’t really know all that much about basketball. For instance, I just found out that it is illegal to use two basketballs in a game at once. Since when was THAT made a rule???

Unfortunately, I only make it to a handful of games every season. There are a lot of reasons why, but the main reasons are money, time, and tinkering with old vacuums (a new hobby that I’m VERY passionate about). 

The fact is, ticket prices have to go up eventually, right? I mean, they can’t just stay the same, can they? I don’t know, maybe they can?… no, they can’t… unless the Millers don’t care about capitalizing on potential revenue, in which case prices CAN stay the same. Ugh, I wish I was a Miller!

From what I’ve read the last few days, the Utah Jazz had to raise prices to keep pace with the rest of the league so that they can make money and continue paying players’es salaries. But, is that true ? Would the Millers be unable to make payroll in a year or two if they didn’t raise ticket prices? Did they have to raise them that much? What if they raised the ticket prices one dollar? Would THAT be enough? How many Highlanders would they have to move a month in order to maintain the current prices? Could they just try to convince everybody to see more movies?……. wait a minute… I forgot that you want me to ANSWER the question, not ask more. My bad.

Listen, I know how frustrating it can be when prices go up. Believe me, I’m as cheap as they come. I take advantage of every Taco Tuesday, Five Dollar Footlong, Hot N’ Ready, and 4 for $4 I hear about. I’m on a first-name basis with every single restaurant owner within a 20-mile radius of my house (excluding Village Inn). My family hasn’t had a home-cooked meal for over 17 months. All to save a buck. It’s sad, but that’s who I am, and I wouldn’t change me for the world.

So, your question is—are Jazz fans being ridiculous? No, they’re not. Jazz fans work hard and choose to pay their hard-earned money so that they can enjoy watching their favorite team play. Jazz management decided to make it harder for them to do so and I believe it’s OK to be upset about that. 

However, we all have to remember that in the grand scheme of things, it’s really just giant men trying to throw a ball through an iron circle with a net on it, and when you think of it that way, it seems kind of ridiculous that I’ve spent ANY money on the Jazz at all.

But also… GO JAZZ!

Q: Since the Jazz jacked my season ticket prices out of affordability, what other exciting activities should I focus on while not attending games next year?

@BigKahunaElvis

First of all, let me say that I am SO sorry you can no longer afford season tickets. What a huge letdown that must be. I’m not a season ticket holder, but I’ve always dreamed of becoming one someday and I assume it’s a gut-wrenching thing to have that no longer be an option.

I know what it’s like not to have enough money to buy things. I had to wear my older sister’s B.U.M. Equipment hand-me-down t-shirts in eighth grade. I was relentlessly made fun of by Nick Wilkins, the school bully, because most of my sister’s t-shirts had hot pink somewhere on them. The amazing part is, Nick ended up stealing them out of my locker and then a few weeks later started wearing them to school. I guess his family was poor too.

Heck, I even asked three different mall Santas to bring me Reebok Pumps back in 1989 and do you think there was a Christmas miracle that year? Well, actually, there WAS a miracle. My uncle got stuck in an avalanche in the back country on Christmas Eve and managed to survive by killing some livestock and… never mind, that’s not the point. The point is—it sucks when you can’t buy stuff. There. Point made!

OK, I want to help you out here, Mr. Kahuna. I’m not saying this will totally replace the awesomeness of being able to attend Utah Jazz home games all year long, but here are some fun things you could do that cost absolutely zero dollars:

• Go through your old yearbooks and highlight the pictures of girls that could probably beat you up today.
• Reach your hand deep into the $5 DVD bin at Wal Mart and whatever you pull out, you sneakily place in an elderly woman’s cart while she’s not looking.
• Release a box full of parakeets in a busy mall eatery.
• Throw chunks of dry wall like a frisbee in an open field.
• Leave little notes on people’s cars in Wal Mart parking lots that say, “I SAW WHAT YOU DID!”
• Tell a stranger all about a hilarious Mad Lib you once did.
• Doorbell ditch the people in your neighborhood who own a luxury vehicle.
• See how many pieces of gum you can chew before getting nauseous.
• Moon your own house.
• Color.
• Learn a new instrument for a few days and then quit because it’s too hard.
• Deliver a birthday card to someone on your street and when they say it’s not their birthday say, “Well, I guess I’m NOT psychic then.”

Hope those help!

Q: Is our perceived referee bias against Rudy Gobert legit? Or are we just being fanatics?

@imdedinseyed

It’s hard to say because I don’t watch every NBA game (usually only Jazz games) and I don’t know how every NBA big man is refereed. I will say this—there are times when it sure looks like the referees have it out for Rudy and I don’t really know why. He’s a sweetheart of a guy and doesn’t flop as much as other players do. Plus, he’s only smacked a couple things off of the scorer’s table and he hardly ever swears in English.

I would wager that most team’s fans think the refs have something against their team. Even LeBron James’ or James Harden’s fans probably have issues with certain refs from time to time. Well… no, I’ve changed my mind. They don’t. But the rest of the league’s fans do.

What we all need to remember is that the NBA isn’t a pure basketball league. It’s a club of basketball stars, period. It’s an entertainment business. Referees call games not based on actual basketball rules, but on which player is in front of them at the time. This isn’t my opinion, it’s fact. Seriously, go ask someone smarter than me who keeps track of the data or analytics. They’ll back me up. If they refuse to back me up it’s only because they don’t respect me as a “basketball writer.” They only see me as the guy who still thinks armpit farts are funny. Well, that’s not true!… that’s only SOMETIMES true!

It’s easier to take the ridiculousness of the NBA game once you realize what’s really going on. The NBA needs superstars and they need those superstars to perform well or else they don’t make money. If you want unbiased refereeing, then I’d suggest you watch a city league basketball game at the rec center.

Q: What’s your favorite comedy movie?

@pdub0718

The Burbs. Watch it! You’ll thank me later.

Q: Thoughts on how the Jazz Bear getting fired happened? (if possible, pls share some of your insider info)

@nickwh23

Q: Don’t you think it is time we send Bear down to the G-League?

@robdelacruz

I’m not totally sure what happened. The only thing I heard was that there was an argument started within the organization about which Jaws was the scariest. Things got pretty heated when someone mentioned Jaws: The Return. The Jazz Bear yelled, “WHAT?! THE SHARK WAS IMPALED BY THE BOAT! STUPIDEST ENDING EVER!” And then a member of Jazz management yelled, “IT’S BETTER THAN BLOWING IT UP WITH A BOMB!” And that’s when all heck broke loose. Chairs went flying and Diet Coke cans were spilled. It was nuts.

If we do send the new Bear down to the G-League, who are we going to call up? The San Diego Chicken?

I feel really bad for the new Jazz Bear. He totally got thrown into the fire without much of a warning. Jazz management was just like, “Hey dude, the real Bear was being a jerk about Jaws, so just put this suit on and do the splits and clap a lot during the game tonight, OK?” I mean, how do you respond to that? I guess you have no choice but to go out there and give it your all…and also make a mental note to never EVER bring up the Jaws franchise at work.

I say we give the new Bear a few years to get his sea legs under him before we ship him off to the minors. After those two years if he can’t ride a toboggan down the entire lower bowl off a ramp and through a ring of fire, I say we retire the Bear altogether and throw the new guy and his family in prison.

Q: When will you be performing at Staples for halftime of a Lakers game? Or did they finally give you a solo show called Jimbo on Ice?

@canfieldsp

No Jimbo On Ice special as of yet, but I’m still practicing at Classic Skating on the weekends just in case they change their mind. Quick update on my training: I just figured out how to skate backwards, so things are getting pretty wild!

Some other halftime acts I’m working on:

• I guess what someone had for dinner by letting them breathe into my face.
• I sing exactly like Louis Armstrong (even though my wife says I don’t sound like him and if I keep singing she’s calling the cops).
• I spill hundreds of marbles on the court and then do a slapstick-type dance number.
• I douse my jacket in lighter fluid, light it on fire, and then quickly take it off before the back of my mullet gets singed.
• I rapidly program a universal remote.
• I show a slideshow of my vacation to Yellowstone when a bison chased me.
• I demonstrate how to defend yourself from would-be attackers using a form of karate that I just made up a months years ago.
• I fill a kiddie pool with water and pretend to almost drop my iPhone into it a few times.
• I do a dramatic reading of the love letters I wrote to Sally Field back in 1992.

Q: How would you solve the NBA’s referee problem?

@Mare_Bear_Baum

This is a GREAT question because this year, more than ever, the NBA referees have proven that they have too much influence on the outcome of games. It’s definitely time to change NBA game management and I, with the help of this blog, have all that I need to influence them to do it!

Here’s what I would do to solve the NBA referee problem:

1. Publicly shame Dick Bavetta during a black-tie referee ceremony.
2. Fire all current NBA referees.
3. Allow all fired referees to apply for their jobs back, but require them all to wear a Hawaiian shirt to their interview.
4. Ask each referee what their greatest weakness is and then lightly chuckle at their answer.
5. Only hire referees with less than three years of NBA referee experience.
6. Supplement the remainder with referees from the college, high school, and city league ranks.
7. Put the new ref hires through a rigorous 12-day training where they will be schooled on the rules of the game including, traveling, fouls, what to do when a superstar travels, what to do when a superstar commits a foul, etc.
8. Midway through their training, I would lock them inside a racquetball court with 40 angry possums to help them learn agility and how to come together as a group and whatnot.
9. Make them recite the new referee motto, which is: “We, as referees, strive to honor the game of basketball by vowing to be courteous and objective. We know we are not perfect, but we promise to follow the rules and call each game in a way that would make the late Dr. Naismith proud. We commit to remember—a foul is a foul, a travel is a travel, and a superstar is just a man. Above all, prosperity to the National Basketball Association!”
10. Once trained, a fourth referee will be added to the court so that all angles are covered.
11. Every call will be eligible for video review if the referees are not 100 percent confident they got it right.
12. Last, but not least, referees will now be allowed to eat and drink during games if they promise not to spill.

Q: Who would you rather be stuck in an elevator with: Derek Fisher or Dick Bavetta?

@Mikeyvp

Neither. I’d rather feed Jonah Hill a bunch of lasagna and then lock all three inside an elevator for a few hours while they all three enjoy Jonah’s lasagna farts.

I just noticed, Bavetta and Fisher both like the number 3, don’t they? Dick Bavetta called off a Howard Eisley 3-pointer in the NBA Finals that should’ve counted and Derek Fisher lied to three teams to get out of his contract. Also, you can spell the word “three” using some of the letters from both of their names. Kinda spooky.

Q: If the Jazz were a Super Nintendo game, which would it be?

@azamatsecoy

Probably Contra…no wait, Super Mario Brothers 2…or maybe F-Zero? Yeah, definitely F-Zero.

Q: Any truth to the rumblings that the Jazz have been kicking the tires on a possible Rusty LaRue return to Utah if Dante Exum is out long term?

@FessJazz

The answer to this, unfortunately, is yes. Now that Ricky Rubio and Exum are out with injuries, it looks like the Rust-meister gets yet another chance to make it big with the Jazz.

I feel like I say this at least twice a year, but seriously though, what’s the deal with all the injuries? Why can’t we just have a relatively healthy year??? I know every team has injuries, but COME ON! Now we have to go sign a G-League guy just to have enough guys to play?!?! So ridiculous. 

I will say this though—I LOVE Raul Neto. And I’m not just saying that because he has beautiful eyes and a perfect jawline. That dude plays hard ALL THE TIME! He’s probably better than most of the league’s backup point guards and I’ll bet more than half of the players in the league don’t even know who he is. My new goal in life is to somehow obtain a game-worn Neto jersey.

Q: Hey jumbo, do you have any advice for us Jazz dads out here who are trying to get our kids more active in the Jazz and Jazz-related activities? Long time listener, first time caller. Thanks.

@LifeOnaPlate

Jumbo? No one’s called me “Jumbo” since tenth grade when I found out I was allergic to pesto and my face swelled up like Dizzy Gillespie playing the trumpet. Did you go to my high school?

The best thing you can do with your kids is to just take them to a Jazz game. Let them take in the sights, sounds, and smells of a wonderful team in a majestic arena. Let them make memories as you bond over popcorn and nachos and as you watch Rudy block and Donovan Mitchell dunk. Show them the difference between the lower and upper bowls. Tell them to keep an eye on empty seats during the first quarter so that you can nonchalantly walk past the usher and enjoy the game in someone else’s seats. Teach them how to make an extremely scared face when an usher asks to see your ticket stubs. Show them how to pat at their own pockets and and to look worried while frantically trying to find the ticket stubs. Teach them how to act sad and disappointed when you yell, “HOW COULD YOU LOSE OUR TICKET STUBS?!” at them. Then, show them that the game is still fun to watch even when sitting in the upper bowl… again.

Q: How many games will the Jazz win the rest of the season? They’re (21-21) right now, so 61 is the highest and 21 is the lowest.

@rgiss11

Let me first say thank you for doing the math for me. Math really wasn’t my strong subject in school. In fact, it was my weakest subject right behind stage crew. I used to get extra help from my math teacher after school every day. My friends said it was only because she was pretty, but that wasn’t true. In reality I HATED her…and no, it wasn’t because she wouldn’t go to prom with me.   

I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say the Jazz end up with 49 wins. I have absolutely NO data to back any of this up. I literally just picked a number out of thin air. However, I did put a few seconds of thought into it and I stand behind my decision. That should be good enough for sixth, seventh or eighth seed, right? 

Q: I’m pretty sure “Jonas Jerebko” is Swedish for “That’s what she said.” Any other interesting phrases foreign born players names actually mean in English?

@mneumonist

Thanks for the question, mneumonist! You are a gentleman and a scholar…well, you’re a gentleman at least.

Here’s the list of some foreign-born player’s names and their English meanings:

• Giannis Antetokounmpo – Greek for “Gary’s Anvils”
• Nikola Jokic – Serbian for “Joker, Smoker, Midnight Toker”
• Marc Gasol – Spanish for “Mark’s gas bomb”
• Pau Gasol – Spanish for “Boom goes the gas bomb!”
• Joel Embiid – French for “Beads”
• Kristaps Porzingis – Latvian for “Crystal Pepsi”
• Goran Dragic – Slovenian for “Sleepy Dragon”
• Dario Saric – Croatian for “Super Mario 3”
• Gorgui Dieng – French for “Dang George!”
• Enes Kanter – Turkish for “canned peas”
• Dennis Schroder – German for “document shredder”
• Nikola Vucevic – Montenegrin for “Coca Cola Classic”
• Timofey Mozgov – Russian for “Timothy’s Mother Russia”
• Sviatoslav Mykhailiuk – Ukrainian for “KFC $5 Fill Up”

Thanks for all the questions, you guys! Way to start the new year off right! Make sure you tell all the people at the gym about Jimbo’s Mailbag! Tell them while doing squats and loudly grunting. Make it weird.