Jimbo’s Mailbag – Will the Jazz be a Top 4 Seed in the West?

(Photo by Melissa Majchrzak/NBAE via Getty Images)

Welcome to the next edition of Jimbo’s Mailbag! At Salt City Hoops, we know that covering a losing team without any humor can be dreary. As such, we decided to add a little bit more levity to our site via Jimbo’s unique outlook on the world of Jazz basketball. Interested in submitting a question to Jimbo’s mailbag? Email it to Jimbo at mailbag@saltcityhoops.com or tweet @JimboRudding to appear. 

Q:  Which players have RTed you in the past? And are any of them as awesome as I am, since I RT you all the time?

– @davidjsmith1232

No one is as awesome as you, David. Believe me, I thank you from the bottom of my heart of hearts for every single RT. I realize they can’t all be home runs, but when I get a David J. Smith RT, that’s when I know I got one over the fence.

I get this question fairly frequently. While it’s true I have received a bunch of RTs and responses to my Twitter nonsense, it was never really my intent to just harass players. It just kind of happened. The “RT for that” monster has become a shtick that some people enjoy and others see as a colossal waste of time (including me sometimes).

Some of the more notable RTs I’ve received include:  Channing Frye, JJ Redick, Chris Kaman, Anthony Morrow, Trevor Ariza, Caron Butler, Shawn Marion, and Martell Webster. Some non-basketball RTs include:  Dave Coulier, Melissa Gilbert, Fred Savage, and Elijah Wood.

Some RTs I hope to receive in the future:  Jimmer, Gary Herbert, Tom Hanks, any of the kids from the show Small Wonder, the ugly Spice Girl, anyone who was born with webbed toes, a Schwan’s guy, and Flo from Progressive.

Q:  Would Jimmer look better with his hair parted on the opposite side?

– @Gobberslob

GREAT question. I would say, no. He has perfected the messy/curly look and any change at this point would be a HUGE mistake. If he were to change things with his hair, I would vote he grow it longer and part it straight down the middle. Then we could be in a movie montage together where he tries on different suits, comes out of the dressing room, and I give him the thumbs up or down.

Q: If you were at a beach with Gordon Hayward and Jimmer Fredette, who would burn first before letting you rub sunscreen on them?

– @snark_tank

As far as who would burn first, I think that award goes to yours truly. When I was born, the doctors told my parents there was a 77% chance I was an albino and a 38% chance I would never be able to go shirtless at a water park. The doctors got it half right.

When I was 12, I went with my friend’s family to a water park. We were there all day and I never once thought of putting on sunscreen. Also, I never once put on a t-shirt. I mean, the ladies LOVED it, but my poor shoulders and back looked like a Whoopee Cushion. Ahhh, the idiocy of youth.

Now, whenever I go to a water park, I always look for the kid in line who was born with the same frailties as myself. Sort of chubby. Almost translucent. Awkward around females. Awkward around males. Preoccupied thinking about who would win in a fight between Paula Abdul and Janet Jackson.

That poor, poor boy. Obliviously splashing around in the wave pool, playing and laughing with friends, sobbing at two in the morning with a bunch of wet rags on his back.

Back to your question, I think Gordon and Jimmer would both have me arrested as soon as I reached for their sunscreen bottle.

Q:  Which band is the Beatles of our generation: Nickelback or Creed?

– @Uncle_Dale

I’ve told you before, Uncle Dale: Gin Blossoms.

Q:  Will the Jazz Bear sled down the stairs this year?

– @dillyman25

The Jazz Bear is the BEST in the biz even though some of the things he does scare the bagoobers out of me. Anything that has to deal with heights is the worst.

I was sitting in the upper bowl once and he started throwing hats down to the lower bowl. Then those in the lower bowl would throw them back up to him. He had to hang half his body from the railing just to catch the hats and I had to get up and walk around the concessions so that I wouldn’t be a witness to his death.

Below are some new ideas I thought of that he could try:

• Just walking around the hall sadly handing out Capri Suns after a loss.
• After he takes a kid’s shoe off and throws it on the court he could walk over to it and set it on fire.
• He picks up the midget bear and pretends to breastfeed it during a timeout, while using a Utah Jazz cover-up that they gave to the first 1,000 fans at the door.
• He could bring a projector and screen onto the court and start giving a presentation on how to use Microsoft Excel, trying to distract the opposing team so they forget what their game plan was coming out of the timeout.
• He could give away free phones to a few lucky fans, but then the fans find out later that he had stolen the phones from the visiting team locker room.

Q:  Do the Jazz have a real shot at a top 4 seed in the West?

– @BYUJazz12

Judging by summer league, scrimmages, and the preseason, I’d say the Jazz are DEFINITELY on course to go 82-0 in the regular season and go on a very deep playoff run.

Below are a list of things that would have to happen if the Jazz are going to be a top 4 seed in the Western Conference:

• Everyone stays healthy.
• Dick Bavetta doesn’t referee any games.
• All the great players on the other teams get injured.
• All the Jazz players concentrate on scoring more points than the other team.
• A wizard/genie add some extra assistance.

I’d say if everything above happens, the Jazz have a great chance of catching the attention of the whole world this year.

—–

Thanks for the questions everyone!